IF I DON’T MARRY
You’re a single woman, and you’ve hit that age…you want to get married!
If you don’t marry…
You’re a woman who has come of age, as they say. You’ve hit thirty years, or maybe more! This is the ripe age to get married, they all say.
You’ve heard these remarks over and over:
“What are you waiting for?”
“When is yours coming?”
“You’re not growing any younger!”
“Don’t you want to get married?”
“Your time is ticking!”
“Very soon expiry dates will creep on you!”
PAIN AND TORTURE
First off, there is one thing you must know.
This is one of the most painful, distressing, stressful and absolutely terrifying situations any woman can find herself in!
Nobody knows just how lonely you get at nights!
Or the sexual cravings your body goes through!
Your friends are getting married, and they are raising beautiful families!
You’re always going to weddings: of friends, relatives, acquaintances!
Maybe there was a promising relationship for you, but it fell through!
Everybody seems to be talking about you…and when you’re going to get married!
Every way you turn, they are there like hawks, picking and pecking at you, making you feel so irrelevant!
You hear words like:
“When responsible women are speaking…”
“Wait until you also give birth…”
“Go and give birth and feel how painful it is…”
You can’t even chastise somebody’s child for a wrong they have done!
Even in church they treat you as if you don’t matter, as if there is something wrong with you!
They behave as if you have decided not to marry.
Something funny happened the other time. A woman I know asked a young lady in church:
“Ei, so won’t you marry? What at all are you waiting for?”
I watched the young lady closely. I saw the pearls of delight dying from her face, and an expression of pure torture filling her face.
“Do you want me to paste adverts on my body that I’m ripe for marriage?” she shot back fiercely.
Many reasons are ascribed to you for being single:
“You’re too pompous and proud.”
“There are witches in your town!”
You’re this, you’re that…so many unfair reasons!
They assign a myriad of very odd reasons for you being single, instead of showing a modicum of compassion.
I’ve always wondered why people, even the matured ones, fail to realize that single women really hurt deep inside!
It is one of the most pain-filled situations for a young unmarried in!
Now, here is the kicker:
You always have to show a smiling face at social gatherings!
Single women are not supposed to frown or be angry at the weddings of other people.
A married woman who is attending a wedding can frown, but a single woman can’t.
They’ll say you’re jealous!
You’ll even be called a witch! Your frowning face would never be connected to someone who had annoyed you, no!
It would be misconstrued as sheer jealousy and witchcraft!
And as a direct result you have to force yourself to show a happy face and expose all your adult teeth in a continuous smile.
There is one thing you must know, though:
You’re not alone!
It is global!
Single women all over the face of the earth face similar rough seas.
Some have even decided not to get married, but they still face the wrath and stinging tongues of insensitive people.
Single women should be embraced, they should be given warmth and understanding…but they are rather picked on!
At night, on your own bed, your feel that hard pain inside!
Each birthday brings with it more stress and pain, because it reminds you savagely that you’re still creeping towards that age bracket where the ‘expiry’ insinuations are.
It gets worse if you’re the eldest daughter, because you must ‘go’ for your younger sisters to follow.
You start freaking out if your younger sister marries, and you’re still single.
Your younger sister’s wedding becomes your judgement cross because you will feel fingers pointing at you, and literally hear the crippling remarks from poisonous tongues crucifying you.
It becomes nightmarish if you’re the only daughter: you must bring in some of the grandchildren!
If you are the ONLY child…then you’re ‘DEAD!’.
WHERE ARE THE GOOD MEN?
But why is it so?
Where are the men?
Why are good men getting increasingly hard to find?
We don’t have to go far for that answer.
Isaiah 4:10 states:
In that day, seven women will take hold of one man and say, “We will ear our own bread and wear our own clothes. Just let us be called by your name so that it will take our shame away!
Now, that is ominous, isn’t it?
The Bible is telling us that a day is coming when there will be no choices!
Women will put their checklists aside!
You know the checklist, right?
Must have a house, must drive a smashing car, must be tall, must have six packs…yabah yabah yabah!
Yes, a day is coming when that checklist will mean nothing!
There will be a ratio of seven women to one man!
Women will work, buy their own food and clothes, and beg men to just let be their missus…why?
Because it will be shameful to be unmarried in that period!
So, that period is creeping up steadily on us!
Why did that situation arise in the Bible anyway…why isn’t the ration seven men to one woman?
If it had been the other way round, that is seven men to one woman ratio, EVERY WOMAN would have been married!
But there would have been murder almost EVERYDAY!
It would have been unsafe for women to walk around because a man will just carry you on his shoulder and take you to his room. He would lock you up forever!
So, in God’s infinite wisdom, a shortage of men was a far better and healthier ratio.
That is why, unfortunately, you find yourself in this situation…well, maybe!
Women are far capable of dealing with pain than men, or so they say.
The pressure is on; the heat is scorching!
You have to get married!
Single women are being put under such unwarranted, unnecessary pressure to get married at all costs!
It is a little better in other parts of the world where some women would choose to be single, and society would accept them. There are famous career women in other parts of the world who flip from one relationship to the next without a care.
Yet they are not put under the sword!
Not in Africa, though!
Nope, ‘you lie bad!”
Here, if you fall into the ‘marriage bracket’ and you’re single they will put you under the cosh!
They will label you, and they will be so cruel to you!
That is why more and more women in our part of the world are now settling for compromises.
They are agreeing to arranged marriages more and more.
And, perhaps the saddest compromise single women are making now, is getting pregnant and giving birth out of wedlock.
They have the money to take care of themselves and their children. Sometimes they do not have the money, but to avoid the stigma of childlessness, they get pregnant.
The rationale is sad:
Not having a husband doesn’t mean you must die childless!
Thus many single ladies are now bowing under the intense pressure and taking that rather unsavoury route.
PAIN AND COMPROMISES!
Recently I happened to hear a conversation between a matured mother and her eldest daughter.
Well, in that family there are two daughters. The second daughter is married, but the eldest daughter is still single at thirty-six years.
That is when the mother said:
“If the marriage proposal is not coming, find someone to make you pregnant so that at least you will have one child, even if the man is married!”
So maybe you find yourself in the same situation, and you’re now considering that route of compromise.
But should you?
Is that the normal and sensible way to go?
I know some women have given themselves that ultimatum.
I personally know someone who has decided to get pregnant and give birth if she is still unmarried by the age of thirty-eight.
Sad. Really sad.
What about you?
Have you decided to do that, or something even more tragic?
Well, don’t despair.
Do not lose hope.
I have the exact prescription for you, and I’m going to give it to you in just a minute, so do hold on.
I don’t profess to know something that you don’t.
You’ve probably scoured the net and read a lot of good write-ups on the pain you’re going through.
I know you’ve had tons of advice, sometimes unsolicited, from people who meant well, and from others who were using it as a cloak to stab you.
But I do know your pain, and frustration.
Well, EVEN GOD knew how HARD loneliness was.
See this from the book of Genesis:
And God saw Adam alone in the Garden of Eden, and God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone! I will make a partner for him!”
Yes, God knows what you’re going through, and He has empathy for you.
That brings us to the prescription.
Like I said, you might have heard it a million times, but as you’re reading this I want you to do a self-examination, and answer this question:
Do you want to replace the frustration, stress and great pressure that is mounting on you for an inner peace?
Well, if you do, then please read on.
ON A SERIOUS NOTE…
I must say, though, that you need to know some really hard and bitter truths:
- It is very hard and painful being single when you’re so ready for marriage
- Probably, you will still have to wait for some more years before getting married
- Maybe you may not marry
Now, I don’t want to discourage you, but I want to let you be aware of those hard truths, and tell you that if you can really take the prescription, your happiness is going to surmount the crushing waves of constant disappointment you feel.
But you must be really, really, really ready to gird your loins and take a strong bite on the bit between your teeth, because this ride is not easy from the onset.
You need to have a singleness of purpose, and real dogged determination to tread this path.
The good news is that the sacrifices you make will not last for long!
If you’re able to do it, I promise you that you will come out so much happy and so much blessed that you will look back a few months down the line and wonder if you are still that girl that at one time just wanted to throw it all in and give up!
Right, here is the prescription.
Only TWO Biblical quotations:
But look first for God and His Kingdom, and His righteousness, and EVERYTHING ELSE will be added to it…FOR YOU!
And we know that EVERYTHING works together for GOOD, for the people that love God, for those people who are called ACCORDING TO GOD’S PURPOSE!
Now, hold on, hold on!
Don’t go away yet!
Don’t turn away with disgust and say you’ve heard it all before!
Believe me, I’m tackling it from a different angle, so don’t scorn it!
I bear personal testimony for it!
Sure, you can go out there and continue to do what you’re doing, and you may marry…
But what if you don’t marry?
Are you going to face a lifetime of pain, stress and frustrations?
Marriage is not an end in itself!
It should be on a solid, proven track…and that is what I’m recommending to you THIS INSTANT!
THE SWEET RESULTS…
Now, let me surmise:
This is the HARD WORK expected of you:
- LOOK for God earnestly
- SEEK him with a contrite heart
- BE ready to live a righteous life
And this is the direct reward:
- You will receive the LOVE OF GOD
- GOD will take over the whole bundle of your life
- HE WILL map out an INCREDIBLE FUTURE FOR YOU
It is a clear path, no ambiguities, no side-tracking, no hidden or frightening agendas!
Get be ready to get down there on your knees and ACCEPT CHRIST as your personal Saviour.
Do so with a GENUINE HEART, not because you want to get married!
You must be ready to forsake a life of sin for a LIFE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!
And then the rewards will flow.
Hey, listen to this:
- GOD made 100 years old Abraham a father!
- He made 90 years old Sarah a mother!
- He opened the womb of sad Hannah
You may have heard of those stories before.
Don’t regard them as just mere fairy tales, nope, don’t.
LOOK them from the perspective of biological patterns of human beings!
And you will be awed that a 90-year-old woman gave birth to an incredible son WITHOUT SURGERY!
MAKE THAT MOVE…
Listen, that’s the undiluted truth, and the best prescription you will ever have!
God will take all the heartaches, and He will breathe a feeling of well-being into you.
SHEER JOY and ecstasy that will fill you, and AMAZE YOU.
It will take away your HARD PAIN, distress, stress and frustration, and create a fountain of joy inside you as your focus shifts to great things…
And if your heart craves it, God will craft that perfect man for you, and before you know it, you also will be wearing that wedding ring!
You will also get married, and raise a wonderful family…according to God’s purpose…
But, even IF YOU DON’T MARRY, you will gain a wonderful slice of eternal happiness in Heaven…when Jesus comes back!
One thing for sure though:
NO matter what happens, once God is in you, you will never know the shattering despair, despondency and the HARD PAIN you are in now.
Take the prescription…NOW!
Other reads in the series:
For married men:
For Married Women:
For Dating Couples: