Distressing
If you’re dealing with infertility, childlessness and barrenness, read the concluding part of the article…
It is distressing, yes, and deeply traumatic when, after trying everything recommended, you still can’t get just one baby as your heart desires.
Especially if the doctors tell you ‘we find no reason why you can’t get pregnant, and so keep trying!’
Some women do get pregnant, and two or three months inside the term you lose the baby.
And it keeps happening, time after time!
That is absolutely shattering!
It has the potential of literally driving a woman insane if not handled well.
Some women have ended up padding their stomachs just to give the impression of being pregnant! Later on they come out and say they lost the baby, just to save some face in a cruel society where childlessness is deemed a crime!
Some women have been faithful to God all their lives, and yet they see ‘unshackled sinners’ rather being blessed with children whilst they remain barren!
Hurting
Nothing hurts more than that, I know!
You’ve been to church, you’ve done your best to advertise God through your evangelizing, you’ve been an ardent contributor in all campaigns both physically, financially and in kind!
You know in your heart that you’re an avid Christian, and yet God has not deemed it fit to bless you with just one child!
Meanwhile, you know all the instances in the Bible when God showed His glory by helping barren women get pregnant and have babies!
Relax!
Relax ‘koraaa!’
God knows!
God is aware!
And God is in control!
You’re not alone in this!
They Hurt Too!
The agony you’re going through has very similar discourses in the Bible! Even then, thousands of years ago, being barren was a position that was both distressing and acutely traumatic!
Let’s recount a few of such instances in the Bible:
- Sarah:
She had been barren all her marriage life to a point where she no longer trusted the word of God! In her agony and desperation, she forced her 86-year old husband, Abraham, to have a child with her own maidservant! However, after giving birth, the maidservant turned on the poor woman and taunted her quite brutally! But, when she was 90 years old and Abraham was 100 years old, Sarah finally became pregnant, because God opened her womb.
Read Genesis 21:1-6.
And Sarah said: “God has caused me to laugh and be happy, and all who hear about it will be happy with me!”
- Rebekah:
She was the wife of Abraham’s son, Isaac! She was married for 20 years without a child, and she was heartbroken! Day and night she cried, and she just couldn’t live a day without shedding tears! After seeing how distressed his wife was, Isaac prayed to God to help his wife conceive, and the Lord responded to Isaac’s prayer. She eventually became pregnant, and gave birth to twins, Jacob and Esau.
Read Genesis 25:21-24
- Rachel:
Rachel was Jacob’s wife. She and her sister Leah were both married to Jacob. No agony could’ve been greater than what Rachel went through. She saw her sister giving birth, but she herself was barren! Rachel was so traumatized and filled with green envy! She was in great agony. She said to her husband, ‘If you don’t give me sons, I’ll die!’.
This made Jacob angry and he asked, ‘Am I now God to give children? How can you expect me to take God’s place?’
Rachel was praying, but she did something rather bad…she didn’t trust in God anymore! In order to have children, she gave her servant to her husband to sleep with!
Read Genesis 30:1-13
However, the Bible says in Genesis 30:22-24 that ‘God remembered Rachel. God listened to her and opened her womb, and she got pregnant and gave birth. And she said, God has removed my shame!’ She named her son Joseph!
- Hannah:
Wow! Hannah!
When you read this woman’s dilemma you will know the real agonies barren women go through! The Bible says she was so traumatized that her prayers were with agonized tears! She prayed from the depths of her heart, begging God for just one child! She prayed so fervently, opening her lips but not making her voice heard, that even Eli the priest thought this woman was drunk! Such was her agony! Such was her pain! Her life was a daily torture! Hannah had a rival called Peninnah who had children! The Bible says Peninnah taunted and insulted Hannah so much that the poor woman could not even eat! Hannah was so distressed that year after year she prayed to God, weeping inconsolably!
Read 1 Samuel 1:1-28
And then the Lord heard Hannah’s prayer, and she gave birth to Samuel. And she gave one of the most powerful thanksgiving prayers I’ve ever read in the Bible!
Read 1 Samuel 2:1-10
God Knows
In all these instances, God redeemed himself.
Maybe you’re aware of all these, and more, of such incredible stories. There are others, like the wife of Manoah, who was the great Samson’s mother. She went through the same strife!
There was the Shunammite woman who was barren, but she was very kind to Elisha, the servant of God. Elisha prophesied that she would give birth, and a year later she did!
Read 2 Kings 4:16-17
There was Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, who had been barren all her life…but she gave birth in her old age! Her husband doubted that his wife could ever give birth, and because of this God rendered him mute till his son was born!
Read Luke 1:14-17
Yes, God knows just how badly you feel, just how tortured your soul is, and just how badly your heart is bleeding because all you want is just one child!
God knows, because He had been in that business for such a long time!
A Negative Reference
There was only one instance in the Bible where a barren woman didn’t give birth.
Her name was Michal, and she was the first wife of King David.
Michal was the daughter of Saul!
You know, Saul was chosen by God to be King, but he messed up big time, and God’s delight and faith in him evaporated. Eventually, David became the King of Israel, and married Michal.
Now, they brought the Ark of the Lord to the City of David. David was so elated that he was dancing and jumping and making sacrifices to the Lord, and this made Michal so angry that she spoke harshly to David, and insulted him! David told her he did what he did in worship to God.
And the Bible says Michal never gave birth till the day she died!
This was because she despised David’s worship to God, and also because she was a descendant of Saul, and God had said no descendant of Saul will ever become King again.
Read 2 Samuel 6:16-23
God Rules
Yes, God understands, and he will do it for you too.
Which brings me to one of my favourite Bible quotations, ever!
Genesis 18:14
Is anything impossible for the Lord? At the appointed time, at the right time, I will return to you, about a year from now, and Sarah will have a son!
And He did keep his word!
Sarah, long after menopause, did have a child!
So here we are.
You and your husband are about giving up!
You’re so desolate!
This is not the time to give up, or let your faith go!
It is time to unite and stand firm in the Lord, because only He knows and feels our pain. Stand on your faith and claim your portion from the Lord!
A Divine Promise
Psalms 113:9
The Lord makes the barren woman among her household a happy mother of joyful children…Hallelujah!
It is a promise you must claim!
It doesn’t matter how old you are…there is nothing impossible for God!
Even if you don’t get pregnant, even if you’re not able to give birth, still stand on the promises of God.
Go out there, and adopt a child!
Now, hold on, don’t turn away now!
This is a practice that is going on all around the world, but somehow in Africa adopting has become a taboo area!
Married men shun from this for the most ridiculous reason:
‘I want my own blood!”
Real Alternatives
Seriously?
Wow, Jesus wasn’t the ‘blood’ of Joseph, but through Jesus, Joseph gained automatic mention in the Bible, and could be an exalted member in Heaven!
Yes, there is no shame in adopting a baby from an orphanage at all!
Why are you going through the hustle and bustle when you can go out there and get two or three marvellous children from the orphanage?
Maybe God meant for you to have them!
And yes, I’ve heard tales of couples finally having their own children as soon as they adopted. Well, I don’t know how true that is, or if it is some ‘fancy’ talk, but hey, our God moves in mysterious ways!
But don’t use that mind-set to adopt a baby, no, because it won’t work for you!
Adopt some children, with your whole heart, and give them a home, and they will bring you joy! Don’t worry about people telling them they’re adopted! You can even decide to tell them later in life, but remember, parenthood goes beyond the provision of an egg and sperm…parenthood is what happens after a baby is born!
So once you adopt that child, care for her, love her, and nurture her in the paths of the Lord to a great future, you will reap the full joys of parenthood, and nobody can be able to take that away.
Into The Hands Of The Lord
Remember Isaiah 54:1
Sing, you barren woman, you who have never borne a child! Burst into song and sing for joy, even you, a woman who has never experienced labour! For the children of the barren woman will be more than the children of the fertile woman, says the Lord!
Do you understand the verse above?
Go out there, adopt, and bring happiness to your home.
There is no shame in it!
The Good Lord will use that as a point of contact to bless you beyond your wildest imaginations! Through that one child, or two children that you adopt, God will take your pain and distress away, and He will bless you in such a way that ‘you, who has never experienced labour, will have more children, and be more joyous, than the woman who gave birth,’ and that is a sovereign promise from the Lord!
Someone will say: “Yeah, right, easy to say because you have children…”
Well, if I didn’t have children, I would’ve adopted.
It is as easy as that!
Try It
I know a couple with just one biological son who have adopted four children from the orphanage because they’ve always wanted a large family!
And now they’re one of the happiest families I’ve ever seen.
The Lord has your back, and He understands your hustle!
He knows the pain and the torture you’re going through as a married woman without children!
He wants you to trust Him, and continue to believe in HIM, so that even if you don’t ever give birth, His peace, love, and divine grace will comfort you, and take away your pains.
Final action points:
- For the Childless Couple:
- Get tested!
Both of you! Find a good hospital and get tested! You’re both equal partners, and it could be any of you. Even if you are a man and has given birth before, anything could have happened in between! Get the test done!
- Your wife needs you! Your husband needs you! You cannot do this alone! Solidarity is key! Unity is focal. Let the strength of your love bind you, and strengthen you to face the world together!
- If the tests show one of your needs a little ‘something’ extra, face it together! Don’t say, ‘well, the fault is yours so fix it!’ Nope! Do it together, support each other!
- Fix it if it can be fixed!
- Consider adopting if it can’t be fixed!
- Never forget to LEAN ON GOD!
- For the Parents of the Childless Couple
- Stop the pressure! Now! Please stop it!
- Children are a gift from God! Your children married for companionship first, not to produce children!
- Support them rather!
- Encourage them!
- Help them to build their faith!
- Support them if they decide to adopt!
- Let the love of God lead!
- For Friends and Family of the Childless Couple
- Remember that they are going through a tough time!
- Don’t ridicule them!
- Show empathy!
- Visit them, encourage them, be their FRIEND
- Support them if they decide to adopt!
- Never cease praying for them!
Click this link to read Part 1 of this article:
I Need A Baby, Oh Lord! Part 1
You may also like:
You Are Killing Your Wife Part 1
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