The Narrator’s Verses is on…
THE NARRATOR’S VERSES
I knew a girl who loved rough sex!
Ah well, let me clear my throat o!
My throat feels hot like the underbelly of the Sahara Desert o. Na some nasty cold want catch me for here! Ei, it is another Sunday, family. This is Abdallah Adams, ahaaaa, the one you know as The Narrator, and I’m here again o.
I throw salute well, well.
I hate colds, I do! And my doctor has given me this nasal spray I have to push into each nostril and pump kaff-kaff like a Japanese bicycle, hahahahaaa! Quite scary!
Anyway, anyway, anyway…
Here I am with a short advice to some of my lady friends…heheheheee!
Yes, I knew a girl who loved it hard and hot and regular!
They used to call her Akosua Bushia, where bushia, of course, roughly meant ‘throw your waist to meet mine’…hahahaaa!
She changed, oh yes, when she became a born again Christian in my church. Abi all girls become ‘virgins in Christ’ after they are born again. That’s what they say, but me, I always say it takes the Grace of Jehovah o, otherwise once a black cat, always a black cat o…kikiiikiii!
See, if you were doing it buga-buga like Ashaiman derailed train, chances are that even if you become a born again Christian and marry, you will still love it buga-buga style, I lie? That’s why I say, don’t come and worry the Yaw and Yaa Mobror in our churches o!
If you’re a man and you were hammering your girlfriend like Ayigbe yoko corn dough ten times a week, each time going five rounds, don’t come as a born again and come and marry Yaa Virgin in our church o!
Don’t come and kill her for us!
Likewise, if you’re like Akosua Bushia who had been hanging from the wall upside down whilst your boyfriend was spread out on the ceiling, doing it like Chinese Taichi Ninjas, don’t come as a born again Christian and come and marry Yaw Boy who doesn’t even know how to do missionary style o!
That’s boshit number one!
Yes, Akosua was a sex commando!
When she came and raised her hands as a new born Christian, I had my misgivings about her. You see, I knew her mother very much, and she used to complain to me about some of the things Akosua had been doing, and she asked me to advice Akosua.
She was not a Christian at that time o! Na proper horror girl she was! Took care of not less than three abortions I knew of. But being a Christian, I advised her mother that with God nothing was impossible o!
And God being so merciful, Akosua soon changed o! She became a Christian, but as for me ebe two-two I dey watch am o! Sosket, abi na I know her history more than the road to my mouth…hayhayhay!
But after one and a half years, I came to accept that she looked real outwardly, but it was the inside, the inside, the inside that counts o!
In the church was Ato Kyinto, the best young Christian I ever met! Ato was our pastor’s son o, a young and upright young man filled with the power of the Living God! Ato could pray more than Daniel and Abednego combined…heheheee!
This young man could pray any sickness away!
You see, we all thought that when it came down to settling down, Ato would choose Larteley, another sweet, sweet ogyacious Christian woman!
They were even courting la, in a firelistic spiritual way…heheheee!
The time came, and inside Bible School we slammed Ato booom!
Two years later he graduated as a powerful new pastor o!
And Larteley came out from school as a doctor o!
Aaaaah, adie no afa! The thing take noor be dat o!
So, imagine my complete, dumbfounded internal carnage when Ato announced to the elders that he was going to marry Akosua….
Ebe Akosua Bushia you want? Oh, abrantie yi!
Everybody was okay though, including his father, because Akosua was like an angel in the church o!
But I stepped in!
I told Ato that:
“My son, don’t go that way! Larteley has loved you for a long time! You two have been courting for such a long time, so why do you want to break her heart like this? Please, marry her and leave Akosua alone!”
Abi na I know that Akosua had been a professional sexy gorgormi…hahahaaa!
I knew what abortionists had done to her o! I knew just how badly she loved saying ‘hard, hard, yesssss, do me harrrrrd, oohhhh, ei, ei, ei, its sweet ooooo, adjeeeeiii!’
Hmm, but Ato wouldn’t listen o!
You see, Akosua was curvy, and of silky skin, and with large fluttering sexy eyes and luscious lips! That girl had some sweet dimples bi in her cheeks eh…heeerh! She would smile at an old man and his legs would go gbragadaaa like Sokoto butter…hayhayhayyyyy, laughing in Korean like Beatrice Maame Afua used to say!
Eii, have you people seen how someone has been appearing and disappearing from the Klever Magg Chatroom platform? Norvi says she is doing kwani-kwani!
Doctor Acquah says she’s coming and going like Nana Bosomba!
Sam Portuphy says she’s going up and down like a traffic light!
Anyway, anyway, anyway…we continue!
That was Akosua o! Beautiful apple!
I’m not saying Larteley wasn’t beautiful o, no!
She wasn’t curvy, you see! She had a straight figure kpom like a sack of cassava!
Eiiiiiii! This my big mouth o!
What killed me were her calves!
They were baweeeee like Ike Quartey’s elbow…hahahahaaaa!
However, she was as gentle as a dove, and a sweet virgin!
But Ato wouldn’t listen!
Meanwhile you Ato, you don’t even know how to throw atopa mpo! How could you ride a Lamborghini when you have not even sat on a wheelbarrow before?
So the short was that Akosua and Ato were paired for marriage!
Larteley’s poor heart was broken o!
Oh, that poor woman wept, and wept, and wept a river!
I visited her often, yes, to advice and share inspirational Biblical promises with her.
Now, Akosua was in the IT business, okay? So she was near graduating, and so their wedding was pushed to almost a year ahead, when she had graduated.
Later, I learnt she attended an intensive IT course sponsored by their school. One of the facilitators was called Nyantakyi, an arrogant, sexy, handsome young man!
First day, first smile, first introductions…
Second day, Nyantakyi and Akosua were eyeing each other some kan way bi!
Abi two awoshas have met…heheheeee!
They both know what’s up, baby!
By the end of the first week Akosua and Nyantakyi were meeting in secret inside his apartment for sex yoga, sex Kung Fu, sex tetanus, sex biscuit, sex paracetamol…
The thing was that Akosua was supposed to abstain from sex, you see, until marriage!
But her under dey sweet am o! Heeerrhhh!
She wasn’t called Akosua Bushia for nothing o!
She liked breaking her inside jein, jein, jein like alokoto!
So she thought she could have some fun for one year to satisfy her dissatisfied holes until marriage o, hahahhhaaa!
So, they did it like wild hogs! Kama Sutra, the Perfumed Garden, deep throat, scissors, doggy, puupu and paaapa all they did!
Eiiiiii, Akosua Bushia!
Not knowing she had picked up an unusual loving of anal sex from her previous boyfriend o, and Nyantakyi also loved it o!
She knew Ato would definitely not put his ‘Chrife’ stick through that stinking back door, so she wanted to have as much as she could get before marriage….
And Nyantakyi was not a man to slack off o! He also loved the shogogobambushi from the back door…
So come and see them…kpa, kpa, kpa, kpa, kpa!
When Ato was in church reciting Psalm 114 and preaching from John 4:24, his wife to be was hanging upside down receiving anal lampopo like a professional porn girl!
For almost one year Nyantakyi misused every hole on Akosua o!
Hmm. So sad.
And after that, the wedding day arrived!
Nyantakyi was shattered, but Akosua told him not to worry koraa!
She was only getting married to have a name and give birth, but she would meet him in secret and receive the lampopo!
She forgot, though, that Ato had walked under the feet of God since his infancy, and God never let a faithful servant down o!
The engagement was supposed to be on Friday, and the wedding on Saturday!
On Friday, there was a viral video on WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Apusa, Tolosa, YouTube, KalaTube, TotoTube…hayhayhayhayyy!
Proper sextape o!
Now how did it happen?
Listen, and listen well!
Not knowing Nyantakyi was in the porn industry o!
He was known in the porn industry as Mr. Blackk Kot from Africa o!
He made love to women and sold it to his subscribers o!
That man’s specialty was anal Kung Fu and Pedophilic Flicks!
He raped children and posted it on his website for money! He made love to even boys…yes, na proper gay father that o!
The man was a porn King!
In his room were hidden cameras!
He was busted by the authorities, and all over the Internet come see sample sex tapes leaked from the man’s collection o….
And of course, yes, Akosua Bushia’s sex tape reigned high quality in anal nonsense!
Come and see everything fiiili-fiiiili on Social Media o!
All fall on Akosua Bushia o!
She was tasting shito in her house when somebody brought her the tape!
It was viral…and she collapsed instantly!
It didn’t end there o….
No, no, no, no!
When she was rushed to the hospital, her condition continued to deteriorate…and she was soon discovered to have anal cancer!
That is, cancer of the anus…
Cancer of the stinking hole…hayhayhayhay!
And who do you think took care of her?
Doctor Larteley o!
Disgrace akwaaba, big wedding, byebye o!
Anyway, anyway, anyway…
It took another year before Ato was able to convince Larteley to forgive him.
They’re married now, with three beautiful children…two boys and a girl!
Moral of the story?
Well, two morals anyway:
- Girls, girls, girls…tone down on the crazy sex o! it won’t help you o! Ayoo!
- Boys, boys, boys…don’t follow the beauty o, don’t follow fast love o, choose correctly o, that girl you’re hurting could be the best for you o!
My tale is done o!
I am the Narrator, and these have been my verses!
Ciao, till we meet again!
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