Featuring: Acquah NA Cobby
A month later, Jacob knocked on Cobby’s door at dawn and entered.
Cobby was in his blue pyjamas, and he indicated the chair for Acquah and sat down opposite him.
“I assume something is wrong,” Cobby said quietly.
“It is Cecilia,” Jacob said miserably. “She’s pregnant. She missed her period this month.”
Cobby remained seated for a long time without speaking, his eyes boring with uncontrollable fury at Acquah.
“After all my warnings,” he said finally. “After begging you two so much, you still went ahead and fornicated?”
Jacob looked down miserably at his feet.
“The feeling was too strong, Cobbyby,” he said, obviously stressed. “I must admit I tried to let her abort, but she’s too scared to do it. She has regretted sleeping with me and believes that if she aborts God will punish her again for murder. We have decided to get married, bro. I went and informed my father in the village.”
“Your father,” Cobby said, shaking his head. “The man that always advises you to look for a sensible woman and forget love because love doesn’t exist, your father Adams. Now he has agreed to follow you to make marital arrangements with a woman you love.”
“Listen, bro, this situation is hard and bad,” Jacob said in a rush. “I’ve decided to marry her quickly before her pregnancy starts showing. Would you go with me to your pastor to arrange it?”
Cobby chuckled and shook his head.
“What? No can’t do, Yacubu!” he said gently. “She’s pregnant. She has done what should have been done after marriage. No, we can’t let her have a church wedding. She’ll give birth, and she will be excommunicated for a while, and then, after she is reinstated again, you can have a blessing. Forget the wedding, it’s out!”
“What the hell are you talking about, you conkahead?” Jacob said fiercely. “Damn it, no one knows she’s pregnant! She’s crying, bro! We can rush through the wedding and no one would know she’s pregnant!”
“I would know, Yacubu,” Cobby said. “And God would know. I’d rather displease you than displease God. Those are the statutes of the church, and I can’t break them!”
“You wicked friend!” Jacob said angrily. “Look at your huge conkahead!”
“I like it, thank you!” Cobby replied.
Jacob stood up in an angry huff and left the room.
He entered his room and found Cecilia on her knees in front of the sofa, weeping and praying. She looked up at him and when she saw his crestfallen expression, she began to weep uncontrollably.
“What did he say, Jake-Love?” she asked tremulously.
“Need you ask?” Jacob said tightly. “He refused!”
Cecilia blasted past Jacob and went out, heading straight for Cobby’s door.
The door was still unlocked, and she entered.
She found him reading a Bible, and she fell down on her hands and knees and held his legs, weeping uncontrollably.
“Elder, please, for the love of God, help me!” she wept bitterly. “I know you warned us not to fornicate, but the devil, Elder, the devil was too strong for us! Please, help me! Don’t let disgrace befall me!”
Cobby carefully put his Bible down.
“Stop what you’re doing, Ceci!” he said gently. “You know I’ll never go against the laws of God, and I’ll never flout the laws of the church. You go and confess to Pastor Sena. If he agrees to your plan, that’ll be his problem. As for me, please, count me out, wai! I warned you against your fornication plans, but you wouldn’t listen!”
He moved away from her and entered his bedroom, and she remained on the floor weeping bitterly until Jacob came back for her and took her out.
A week later, Jacob’s parents arrived from the village with some elders of his town. His father was Adams, and his mother was Leticia.
They had brought the necessary items needed for the knocking rites.
He and Cecilia had finally agreed to go to the High Court to have their wedding and register the marriage, and then come home for the refreshment.
Pastor Sena had disassociated himself and the church from the ceremony, and so it meant that it would be done with friends and without the church.
Conveniently, Cecilia had been ex-communicated from the church.
Cobby and his landlord and a few elderly people had all agreed to go with Acquah and his family members to go and do the knocking.
They left the house early on a Saturday morning and went to Cecilia’s house.
Two huge white tents had been erected, and there was music playing and a lot of food available!
Jacob was doing things in style!
Jacob’s entourage was huge and powerful. He had bought almost double of everything that was requested, because they planned to have the engagement in a week’s time, and then the marriage the next Saturday.
Many of the church members had also turned up, including Nii, who was looking happy again with his new partner, Vanessa, the daughter of a lecturer, and they were now in observatory courtship.
It was a joyous day, and Cecilia was looking resplendent in her splendid white dress, hidden in her room and waiting anxiously for Jacob to arrive with his people.
She looked through the window and saw Nii and Vanessa sitting near the window, looking so happy and in love, and she felt great pains in her heart.
Oh, how she wished she had waited a bit, just a little bit, and not rushed to sleep with Acquah! Now, she wouldn’t have her heart’s desire, a church wedding.
She brushed her tears away bravely, and just then there was a great noise as Jacob and his entourage arrived!
There were shouts and screams.
Cecilia’s mother, Tsotsoo, was sitting beside the head clan of her family and her aged father when Jacob and his parents arrived.
Jacob was looking resplendent in his white top and down, waving a white handkerchief.
As custom demanded, they had to greet Cecilia’s family.
Jacob’s father led the group, and Cobby dutifully joined them.
Adams Acquah, Jacob’s father, looked up smiling, ready to greet Cecilia’s mother, and then he turned around fast and faced Jacob who was behind him.
“Kwamena, I want to pass stool!” he said, and he was shaking quite severely, his face suddenly filled with great fear.
“Oh, Paapa, aba boshit nso nyi?” Jacob said with sudden disdain. “You want to poop now, oh how?”
“My belly-ache problems, my son, my belly aches!” Adams Acquah said.
“Oh, how can you disgrace us like this, Adams?” Leticia said, and she held her husband’s shoulder and turned him around. “You’ll poop later! Greet them first!”
And that was when Tsotsoo took one look at Adams Acquah and jumped to her feet with a loud scream.
“Eiiiiiiiiiiii! Adams Acquah! Is that you? Eiiiiiiiii! What are you doing here?”
She broke into instant tears and removed the outer covering of her cloth, and then she did a very incredible thing: she began to beat Jacob’s father with her bunched clothing whilst screaming and weeping uncontrollably.
Cobby and Jacob pulled her back, just as Cecilia appeared from inside the room.
She had heard her mother screaming and had come out to investigate.
She also held her mother.
“Oh, Mama, Mama!” Cecilia cried. “What’s the meaning of this?”
Cecilia’s mother was sitting on the floor now.
She had removed her headgear and was weeping uncontrollably, chanting out the names of gods.
“Mama, Mama!” Cecilia screamed, getting on her knees and holding her dearest mother. “You’re scaring me, Mother! What’s the meaning of this?”
“That man,” Tsotsoo screamed. “That wicked man Adams. He came to my village when I was just a young girl. I was promised in marriage to Ebow Mafia, my darling. But that Adams, he lied to me. He said he would marry me. He was the agricultural extension officer. Oh, he made me pregnant, and when I told him he said he wants a sensible woman to marry, and not me.
She stopped, unable to speak because her tears were choking her.
After a while she continued:
“He said love did not exist. He said I wasn’t sensible enough so I should abort you! I didn’t do it! And then he fled the village, and we never saw him again. That was why I told you your father is dead! That buffoon is your father! Oh, Adams, you have killed me oooo. Oh, Gods of Achacha, gods of Dumadu, gods of Shamashui, come and see me ooo. Come and see this wicked man. Curse him for me, gods. Curse this man for me.”
Cecilia screamed loudly, and then she dropped in a faint.
There was pandemonium everywhere.
Jacob held his stunned father and shook him hard.
“Is this true, Paapa? Is this true?” he wailed in anguish. “Say it’s not true. Say it is false.”
Adams Acquah was also weeping bitterly, nodding his head.
“It’s all true, my son,” he wept. “I sinned against her! I’m so sorry.”
And that was when Leticia slapped her husband left right and centre as she also started screaming in horror.
Jacob was now sitting on the floor, screaming wildly.
“Ohhhhhhhhh, Paaaaaaapa! Ohhhhhhhhhh Paaapa! Cecilia is my own sister? You made me sleep with my own sister oooooo. You made me impregnate my own sister ooooooo.”
Nii was standing close by, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter as the crazy scene went on. He laughed so hard that Vanessa held his arm and dragged him forcibly out of the house. Once outside, she also began to laugh uncontrollably.
“So, Cecilia’s child will be her own nephew?” she asked, and this set off Nii in another uncontrollable bout of laughter.
And in the house, Cobby shook his head sadly.
Jacob was crawling on the floor, weeping uncontrollably.
Cecilia had also regained consciousness, and she was sitting on the floor, stunned, and weeping silently, totally in shock.
“This world is something else,” Cobby said softly to Jacob. “So all along, when you found Cecilia and thought you two were so compatible as if you had known each other for years because you two liked almost the same things and had almost everything in common, it was simply because she was your long-lost half-sister? Oh, dearest Lord! I told you to wait, Jacob, and not sleep with her. If you had listened to me, you would’ve known she’s your sister eventually, and avoided this great act of incestuous taboo.”
“I will go to church, Cobby,” Jacob was crying bitterly. “You warned me oooo! You said I should stop my fornication plans ooooo. Oh, oh, oh, Cobby, you said it! My son is my nephew! My wife is my sister! And my father’s daughter-in-law is his daughter! My son will call me Uncle! Oh, taboooooo!! I’ll go to church oooo! Pray for me oooo, Cobby! Pray for me, for it’s better if I die.”
Cobby Grant said nothing.
He pulled out a chair and sat down, too stunned to react in any other way.
It was supposed to have been a most joyous day, but it had turned into a most painful day of mourning!
The End of FORNICATION PLANS
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