This is how to turn your relationship into marriage…
EUNICE ANSAH-AGYEMAN
HOW TO TURN YOUR RELATIONSHIP INTO MARRIAGE
PART 3
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The Author
Hello, family!
Welcome back to Day 3 of our discourse article, ‘How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage.”
If this is the first time you’re joining us, you can quickly read the first two parts by clicking on the links below:
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 1
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 2
Alright, for those of you who have been with us from the beginning, we can now continue.
Today, we get down into the real ways to turn your relationship into marriage!
Basically, there is a two-step approach to achieving this grand aim.
- Things you can do
- Things beyond your capabilities
So, here is the crunch line:
There are things you can do to help turn your relationship into marriage!
And there are things beyond your ability that you simply can’t rely on your abilities to address, and which need a different approach.
Don’t worry, though. We are going to try and address them to make you grasp it.
So, let’s start with the things you can do to help turn that relationship into a marriage.
Don’t forget to let your partner read this too so that both of you can get in tune, and tackle this issue.
So you two are dating now. The love is strong and sweet, the commitment is fierce…
Well done, you’re moving in the right direction with the right ingredients present! Nowadays, I see many arranged relationships based on ‘love will grow’. It stems from situations where two people are together because:
- Friends think they are suitable for each other
- Family members think they’ll be great together
- Their parents are friends
- They respect each other
- They fit into each other’s check marks
Well, good. It can lead to marriage, yeah.
Some do lead to lasting marriages, yes.
But I personally believe that love should be the starting ingredient. It is a form of glue that binds and makes two people gel in the right way.
All the same, once you are in the relationship, the ultimate ending is marriage.
So then, let’s tackle it. The points outlined below are guidelines that can ensure your relationship turn into marriage.
SOLDIERS
The two of you are facing the world, depending on each other!
You are a team, so take it seriously! From the first bell, once you two have found love and have decided to try to make it work, you should see yourself as soldiers facing the battles of life!
Because, yes, the path is not going to be rosy!
There are going to be major battles to fight, and many hurdles to clear! Problems will crop up from many and varied sources, sometimes expected, and sometimes unexpected!
Learn to say ‘we’ are in this together till the end!’
Face your battles together, as a team…as two soldiers!
So sit down and decide that you are going to do everything possible to solve any problem that crops up between you, the two of you. Tell each other that whenever there is a problem, you will sit down and push anger and bitterness aside and deal with the real problem head-on, as the soldiers you are.
Here’s the trick:
Never sleep on a problem!
Yes, maybe you’ve heard it countless times, but put it to practice, the two of you, oh yeah!
Make a conscious effort to talk about every problem, and never hide it from each other!
Because you are two unique people, from two unique families, you have developed different tastes, different likes, different lifestyles. The good news is that some of these individual interests are common to the two of you, and that is why you are compatible and have decided to give it a shot.
So never ever sleep on a problem that springs up in your relationship and threatens its survival.
Problems may crop up in different forms!
From clashes in tastes, from the work you do, the incomes you earn, from family members, from friends…even right down to the food you eat!
But always, ALWAYS sit down and discuss them!
Don’t pile them inside, or pile them up like some anthill and later use them as ammunition to hurl at each other!
Don’t store wrongs and use them as reference points in hot-tempered arguments…no, never!
Whatever it is, if you are hurt, tell her and sort it out.
Likewise, if he hurts you, sit him down and talk about it.
Remember, don’t ever discuss it in anger, but with the power of the love between you two!
If you feel he favours his friends more, tell him.
If you feel she doesn’t have enough time for you, tell her!
Always let the problems out, and battle them out between the two of you. Reassure each other of your love, and bury the problem.
Yes, it is a battlefield out there.
Don’t think the happy couple you see never have problems or had it easy. You need to work on it time and again until you find that comfort of telling each other what has hurt you, and solving it.
Oh, and one more thing…
Don’t play hide-and-seek with redressing problems, no, never!
What do I mean by that?
Well, sometimes your partner might offend you, and you might want to sit back and expect the reconciliatory gesture from her or him. Well, maybe because of the way your partner was brought up, she/he might find it hard saying sorry, or approaching you to talk it over.
This might make you feel peeved and say:
“You caused that problem, and yet you expect me to cheapen myself and beg you? No bloody way! I also have my pride! If you won’t recognize it and talk about it, I won’t either! I’m not cheap! Why should I be the one to always talk about stuff even when you are wrong? Who do you think you are anyway?”
Hold it right there!
That has been one of the chief reasons why beautiful relationships have ended rather abysmally!
Inability to let pride go and eat a humble pie!
If it is so difficult, make it funny. Look her in the eye and say:
“Ei, Akosua! You did this bloody thing, you expect me to lick your feet? Ei, hmm. I won’t say anything. I’ll get you one day by all means. Because I love you, I won’t say anything. Now, come, tell me, why did you do this thing? It hurt me very much, you know, and it still does!”
Or you can say:
“Ei, Akwasi, I’m not your mother that you can hurt and just walk away as if nothing has happened, you hear? I decided not to mind you, but since I love you so much, I have to try and make peace. That thing you did really hurt me. Please, try and know my feelings too, and when you hurt me, don’t pretend everything is okay because it hurts me so much, and makes me grow lean!”
Right there and then you put him/her on the defensive, and show you love him/her.
Basically, as you keep doing this, she would learn from you and will start to reciprocate the gesture, and bingo…you have a working problem-solving solution!
So never give in to pride!
Never give in to ego or arrogance!
If this is a relationship you want, and want to see it end in marriage, nothing is too demeaning to do as long as you retain your self-respect!
That doesn’t mean if your partner is physically abusive, or he is a verbally violent person, you should always hold it in and try to make things right!
Hell, no!
There are some situations – like being beaten repeatedly – that you don’t have to try to prolong the relationship!
You have to run from such dangerous and abusive partners.
But if you’re loved and shown respect, and you love equally and show equal respect, always try to go to battle together, as soldiers, and face your problems together!
Yes, consider your problems as enemies!
You are soldiers…you are a team…fight your problems as such!
Face them, fight them together, and defeat them as quickly as possible…
If possible, never ever sleep on any problem between the two of you!
That’s is it for today!
We will continue tomorrow with a look at another secret!
Bye for now.
Got questions? Drop them in the comment box and get answers…
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