All Or Nothing…
ALL OR NOTHING
Shawn steered the powerful metallic black Range Rover across town with no particular destination in mind. He was hurting very badly. He never thought anything could hurt him this much. The betrayal, the disrespect and the sheer mockery of the whole situation were making it almost impossible for him to keep a clear head. He was not the type of guy who believed in tears but for once in his adult life he felt his eyelashes get moist from the tears that were threatening with mad intensity to break loose.
It was supposed to be a night of total bliss, total submission and fun. He and his wife of five years had just climaxed their fifth wedding anniversary celebrations with a beautiful dinner dance.
The participation was unbelievably splendid. The event had gone on smoothly with no hitches and they both had been thrilled about it. He had occasionally seen his wife in a pensive mood but had written it off as something bordering on mere tiredness.
The event had been a very simple and straightforward one and would not have taken much time but for the dance. There had been a few speeches from friends and family. First, there had been a speech from the Reverend Minister who officiated their wedding. Then his father had also given a heart-warming speech after the reverend. The women, that was his own mother and his mother-in-law had taken turns with their touching speeches and well-wishes.
While the speeches were going on, smartly dressed attendants moved from table to table and took orders and served food, drinks, and other goodies.
Then he had read his anniversary message to his dear wife. He had written that with an open heart and really poured out the depths of his feelings for her and ended it with a kiss that drew cheers from the invited guests.
Karen had taken the stage with her message right after his. He had just stood and watched and listened to her melodious and tender voice as she stood, beautifully-dressed in an African print dress that brought out her exquisite beauty and read her message.
To My Husband With Love!
I look back to five years ago, standing in front of God and over a hundred witnesses with you standing right by my side with pride and most of all, with love and a smile every time I see your handsome face.
That unique smile played on your face the whole day.
I promised myself that I would always be there for you! I swore that I would give you anything and everything that would make you happy and make you feel loved. Yes, I promised I would always care through it all, through the happiness and sorrow, and for better for worse, I promised to love you with every beat of my heart. I promised to give my all and everything!
After everything was said and done and you placed the most exquisite, most beautiful ring on my finger, I knew from that moment that life had begun!
I knew then and now that I belong right beside you!
From that moment, I knew God had blessed me abundantly.
I have never felt this happy and loved.
I gave you my hand that day with all my heart and prayed we would never be away from each other.
My life dreams came true because of you!
And I promised to love you as long as I lived!
I told myself there was nothing I wouldn’t give to make you happy.
You are the reason I believe in love!
You are the answer to my prayers from God!
And I know for your love, I’ll give my last breath.
Five years of marriage has been an inspiration to me. You’ve been the most wonderful and caring husband on earth.
You have been my strength and the rock I lean on anytime.
You’ve proved in more ways than one that you love me.
You continue to show me each day the depths of your love for me.
I have loved every minute I have spent with you as your wife, Shawn.
You make me whole.
I promise you I’ll love you till forever comes.
Thank you for always being there for me, Shawn!
Love you to the moon and beyond!
Shawn shook his head as he drove as if that would stop the tears that were threatening to spill on his face. He remembered Karen’s voice trailing off during the last sentence of her submission as if she was choked with tears but had brushed it off as one of those moments when one got so emotional from the happiness that tears naturally fell unabated.
They had graced the dance floor with Ed Sheeran’s ‘I Don’t Care’ and the crowd had cheered them on with every step they had taken to the end.
And then the party had started in full earnest with dancing, drinking and lots of fun. His G-Boyz Group made up of his friends from secondary school had thrilled the guests with songs, jokes and other fun activities.
He and Karen had stayed till the last guest had left and then they had taken the lift to the top floor of the five-star hotel to their inviting and heavily-decorated suite. He had carried his wife into the suite as he had been doing every year for the past five years. They had leisurely showered, taking all the time in the world as they kissed and shared wonderful moments.
It was not surprising when their desire to make love to each other had reached untamed heights by the time they had gotten out of the bathtub. Without batting an eye, they had reached for each other with water still dripping from their bodies. They had kissed slowly as they moved one step at a time to the bed. Shawn’s raging member had been pumped so hard that he felt he was going to explode right there and then.
When he finally got Karen on the bed and tried to part her thighs, she had surprised him by tipping him over and further tortured him with lots of pleasure as she kissed his neck, earlobes, nipples, navel, between his thighs and around his scrotal sac. Karen had deliberately ignored Shawn’s plea to free him from the pleasure and continued to caress his toes and the area under his feet. Shawn’s moans were becoming almost desperate when she lowered herself slowly onto his manhood and rode him like never before.
The ‘ohhs, aahhhs and ‘mmms’ from Shawn had urged her on and after what seemed an eternity of pleasure from the different positions and thrusts from his dear wife, they had both moaned and groaned each other’s name as they reached the top of the love mountain they had just climbed. They had ended up making love, again and again, each an explosive experience that left both of them breathless and filled with ultimate joy.
It was when they were cuddled after the last explosive moment, maybe the third or fourth, that he felt her tense up and seemed she was stifling a cry.
Alarmed that he might have been a little rough in the heights of his pleasure, he had asked if all was well with the only woman who had brought nothing but joy to his life. And all hell had broken loose. Her tear ducts had opened like floodgates and poured out in torrents as she got off the bed and rushed to kneel by his side of the bed.
Worried that she might have been hurt unintentionally during their intimate moments, Shawn had sat up on the bed and taken her hands in his.
“What’s wrong, Princess? Was I too rough or something?” he asked, very confused.
She had shaken her head in response to his question and continued to wail in so much agony that Shawn began getting really scared.
“Sweetheart, what’s ailing you? You know we don’t keep secrets between us. Tell me what is causing you so much distress. Please. I can’t bear to see you like this.”
“Please forgive me, Shawn, my love! I can’t do this anymore.” she had finally managed to say when Shawn’s confusion peaked and he kept asking for explanations for her rather unusual behaviour.
“Forgive you for what, dear?”
“I don’t deserve you. I’m a disgrace to you and I’m so sorry…” she continued.
“Now, you are getting me worried. You are not making any sense, honey. Please, tell me what’s going on.”
“I wronged you in the worst way possible and I can’t keep it to myself any longer. Every time we’ve made love after the incident, I’ve felt unworthy of your love. Every time you’ve been good to me, which is almost like every day, I have been assailed by the guilt I have carried all these years. Something very bad happened a long time ago and it has haunted me all these years.”
“Will you stop speaking in parables? What’s really going on, Karen? This was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of our lives. We just marked our fifth anniversary together and granted, things would have been complete if we had one or two little ones around us to celebrate with but God’s ways are not ours. And we’ve talked about this extensively. I love you and that will never change no matter what.”
She had cried some more and when she saw how disturbed Shawn was, she had let out the cat from the bag.
She had been unfaithful.
“Whaaat? How? When? Who? Where? Why?” the words had just come out of Shawn’s mouth like bullets. “How’s that remotely possible? I’ve been with you almost all our married li…wait a minute…when was this and why the hell are you telling me this now, Karen?”
“I’m truly sorry, Shawn.”
“Sorry? Really? You go screw some bastard as a married woman and you think sorry hushes it?”
“Please, I know you are disappointed. I did a very bad thing but it wasn’t like a planned thing. It just happened and I’ve been troubled ever since. I’m deeply sorry.”
Shawn, the usual talkative, had been too stumped for words. He had felt betrayed in the worst way possible. How could the one person he loved so much be so callous to allow another man to put his paws on her? His anger and extreme pain were soaring to unbelievable proportions and he really had to control the urge to beat the woman kneeling before him silly.
“Were you f**king raped?” Shawn had shouted even though he tried to play cool about the whole situation.
He needed to know if maybe his wife had just been a victim of sorts.
Karen was weeping now and did not make any attempt to answer him.
“Are you going to answer me or not? Did someone take advantage of you?”
She shook her head and continued to wail uncontrollably.
“Will you stop the crying and talk to me? What is this? Now you have suddenly gone mute?” Shawn shouted again, losing his cool now. “You will get up from that floor, clean your damn face and start telling me exactly what happened.”
Karen had gotten off the floor and recounted the incident with tears running down her cheeks.
“I know I deserve your anger. I did wrong and I’m very sorry. It was not your fault in any way. I was weak and foolish.”
“Will you cut out all the sentimental talk and get to it? I’ll decide who to blame and who not to blame,” Shawn shot back.
“There was this guy I dated before you. We were young and crazy about each other but our parents were strongly against the relationship due to something that happened between them in the past. They wouldn’t tell us what it was but gave us hell. To cut everything short, the guy was sent abroad for his studies and that was the last I heard from him.
It was difficult moments for me but then I gave up and moved on when you came along. You reminded me of how it felt to be loved and before long I had fallen madly in love with you. A month after you left for the States, my sister called to tell me she met the guy and he mentioned he had been looking all over for me and was asking for my number. I gave her permission to give him my number and he called immediately. I learned he wrote to me a lot of times but didn’t get any reply from me. Anyway, I told him I didn’t receive any letter from him and then it dawned on both of us that someone might have intercepted the mails.
I wasn’t a social media person so I had no accounts or emails back then when he left. I didn’t even own a phone so he couldn’t reach me. We agreed to meet after confronting our parents about the missing letters. My mom, after a bit of pressure from me, admitted my Dad intercepted the letters. I felt I owed this guy an apology and agreed to meet him face to face.
So, a week after getting in touch with him, I stopped over at their house on my way from work. I didn’t know his parents had moved to the States too and he was virtually alone in the house. He was so excited to see me and before I could say or do anything, he was all over me and then the inevitable happened. I didn’t stop him so I guess I share the biggest part of the blame.
He didn’t know I was married because he didn’t see my ring, I guess. I should have stopped him. He is a disciplined guy and would have never laid a finger on me if he had known I was married. We were both troubled afterwards. I’m deeply sorry. I was weak. I love you, please believe that.”
Shawn shook his head continuously in a bid to ward off the pain he was feeling in his heart. His heart had suffered greatly. It was as if it had been hurled from the top of the tallest mountain to the bottom of the sea. He blamed himself for what had happened. He had insisted they got married before he travelled for his masters abroad.
Karen had wanted to wait till after he had come back from his trip abroad but he had not wanted to take any chances. He loved her too much and wanted to be sure she would be there for his taking when he came back. So, they had been married and he had left for the States a month after that.
And now this horrible bombshell!
He had just gotten off the bed, pulled on his trousers, picked up a shirt and car keys and stormed out of the hotel suite like a madman.
He had reached a traffic light now and the lights were just flashing amber so he went through it. A car suddenly appeared from the road on his right at top speed. Shawn stepped on the accelerator harder in a bid to swerve a collision from the other car but it was too late.
The speeding vehicle smashed into his car a few inches from the driver’s door causing his car to skid off the road and smash into a street light pole with brute force. His airbags ejected violently as he felt a sharp pain in his right foot. He kept seeing his wife’s face begging him not to leave the suite as she wept bitterly and asked him for forgiveness…
And then he blacked out.
The other car managed to stop a few meters ahead of him. The driver got down and rushed to the car. Another car passed and then stopped to help. Both drivers helped carry the unconscious Shawn to the car of the third driver and sped off to a nearby hospital.
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