ATTENDANT

Mallam Busanga, he say notheeen can be done! Three awars! Just three awars! Yew jes need to push your penisa into her vaginant once, and poooom, curse break at once, tor, tor, tooooor!

 

And that is when Kofi and Ato leave the shrine and drive furiously back to Accra, going to the DIDI-FLON CLINIC to make sure that what the Mallam said is true!

 

Kofi remembers how weak Sajili had sounded on the phone!

 

KOFI

Oh, no, no, no! Sajili, no! Don’t do this to me! Don’t die on me, please!

 

His life is becoming messier, and Kofi Kuntu is suddenly very afraid!

 

He tries to stop himself, but he cannot, and the tears flow down his cheeks heedlessly.

 

Ato, driving, casts concerned looks at his friend, and suddenly he begins to laugh, and this makes Kofi look at him with surprise.

 

ATO

(chuckling)

I don’t understand this, bro! All this trouble, for what? We’ve been in an asylum to put your dipstick into a mad woman, but we’re told she is not a mad woman! We should’ve found a real stinking mad woman on the streets! You could’ve died when Baluu attacked you! Now look, if it is indeed true that Sajili has died, then you’re going to find a way to fuck her corpse, otherwise she takes the password to the grave! Look at the indignity of walking naked to the shrine! All for what? All for the small tonga man must blow! It’s madness! Because of a small hole that you must enter once in a while, look at how we’re suffering! What madness is this?

 

And then Kofi begins to chuckle as it also hits him, and a moment later the two friends begin to laugh uproariously!

 

KOFI

All because of tonga oo, brother! Hmmmm!

 

His melancholic demeanour returned, though, as soon as they drive through the main gates of the clinic.

 

The DIDI-FLON CLINIC is small, compared to other hospitals, but it is a good and expensive clinic.

 

Manned mostly by foreign doctors and experts, it is one of the most expensive healthcare givers in the country.

 

When Ato turns into the main courtyard of the hospital, Kofi sees Sajili’s aunt, the one who owns the restaurant, walking towards a white car with her husband behind her.

 

KOFI

Damn! Stop the car, buddy! That’s Sajili’s aunt! Gotta talk to her!

 

Ato stomps on the break, and Kofi is thrown forward violently but the seat-belt restrains him.

 

ATO

Yeah, go speak to her. Find out if Sajili is okay and which ward she is in!

 

Kofi gets out of the car and runs towards the couple.

The woman, GEETA PRAKASH, sees him and stops suddenly.

 

She is obviously very disturbed, and she has great tears in her eyes.

 

Kofi is a regular costumer at their restaurant, and she knows he is very close to Sajili. She whispers something to her husband and then walks forward rapidly to meet Kofi.

 

AUNT GEETA

(wailing)

Oh, oh, oh, Fiko-Fiko! Saji is dead, oh, oh, Krishna! Saji! She is dead, Saji!

 

Kofi is stunned! Sajili is really dead!

 

She collapses against Kofi, and he holds her tightly as he feels the coldness spreading through him, his whole body going numb with the violence of his shock.

 

KOFI

(weeping uncontrollably)

But how can that be? She spoke to me this morning! I saw her a couple of days ago! Oh, Saj, how can this be possible?

 

AUNT GEETA

Oh, Fiko! Fiko! Fiko-Fiko! Her heart, it was very diseased! The doctors told us many months ago that Saji can die any moment! She has known she will die! We all knew, but it is still so painful! So tragic!

 

KOFI

Oh, my God! She never told me she was terminally ill. She promised to marry me!

 

AUNT GEETA

Oh, Fiko, Fiko! Fiko-Fiko! She didn’t want to hurt you! Yes, she told me the two of you are going to get married. She wanted to live long enough to go to India with you to see her parents and family, and get pregnant for you, but alas, she died this morning, shortly after speaking to you! She told me to tell you she was so sorry and that you should forgive her!

 

KOFI

Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Where’s she now, please? I don’t believe this! I have to pay my last respects to her!

 

AUNT GEETA

Oh, her body was taken to the morgue, for now! Oh, there’s one of the nurses! Come, let me tell him to take you to see the body!

 

Kofi cannot believe his luck!

 

Aunt Geeta introduces him to the nurse, but Kofi is barely listening!

The understanding nurse agrees to take him to see the body, but he asks Kofi to wait a while, he will be with him soon.

 

Kofi nods and leads Aunt Geeta back to her car.

The woman drives away with her husband, still crying, and then Ato appears from around the corner.

 

ATO

(desperately)

Hey, how did it go, bro? She really dead?

 

KOFI

(agitated)

Yes, yes, man. She had been terminally ill for some time, according to her aunt. Obviously she knew she was dying, but she was hoping she would live long enough to go to India with me to perform the marriage rites and give birth before dying, but she lost out, sadly. They’re taking me to see the body, though. Where’s Mallam Busanga’s medicine? I will need to be fast!

 

Ato brings the small phial containing Mallam Busanga’s concoction from his pocket.

 

They retreat to the corner of the building.

 

Kofi quickly unzips and applies some of the medicine to his penis, and then he drinks some of the disgusting, nauseating and bitter medicine.

Watching his squeezed-up face, Ato shakes his head sympathetically.

 

ATO

Oh, my paddy! You’re suffering too much!

 

The nurse appears and beckons to Kofi.

 

Kofi follows him, and he is taken to the mortuary.

The nurse introduces him to another man.

 

He is a French man called ROBERT, who nods as the nurse explains the situation to him.

 

ROBERT

Come with me, Mr. Fiko.

 

KOFI

The name is actually Kofi. Mrs. Geeta has never been able to pronounce it right, and has always called me Fiko.

 

ROBERT

(laughing)

You can’t blame her now, can you? You Ghanaians have some names, always a mouthful! Like Akiiiampong, Yibuuuwa, Atopadi, Akiiaa, Kiiipodo..hahahahaaa! Always a mouthful! But Miss Sajili is right here! Tragic really, so tragic! Young girl, full of life! Heard you two were going to get married.

 

KOFI

Yes, sir.

 

ROBERT

So sad. But hey, look up and keep your head up, okay? Life’s a bitch sometimes but you gotta move on, seen?

 

He takes Kofi through a series of corridors until they come to a steel door which he opens with three keys and pulls it open.

 

KOFI

She’s in there?

 

ROBERT

Yeah, yeah! I was working on them. She’s at the far end, I think. Hurry up, dude, okay? This is not normally allowed but seeing she was your fiancée and you need to say goodbye, I’m allowing this. Please be fast!

 

Kofi steps into the room and comes to a halt with a sudden gasp of fear.

The room is large and cold!

 

It is painted white, and it has a myriad of tables and slides and gadgets.

There is also a strong smell of disinfectants and deodorising agents in the room.

 

What however catches Kofi’s eyes is the long metallic bench against one wall in front of him!

 

There are about ten corpses on the bench!

They are all naked!

 

There are four men, and all the rest are women!

There is one black female and one black male, but all the rest are foreigners!

 

There are name tags tied to their toes!

Sajili is lying at the far right, the last in the row of dead bodies!

Kofi looks around nervously.

He licks his lips.

 

He sees that the metallic door has an inner bolt and he quickly pushes the bolt in, locking it so that no one can come inside.

 

He is shivering as he moves towards the naked body of Sajili.

Her face is so dead, but he cannot deny the incredible figure she has.

 

She had known she was terminally ill!

 

Why the hell hadn’t she told him?

 

He is so sad to see her dead, and sorry too, but deep down he feels a tiny spark of relief.

 

But it is not time to brood now!

 

He approaches the dead body of Sajili, keeping his eyes off the other corpses as much as possible.

 

 

 

Season 1 Episode 27: The Ghost Banger

 

The corpse next to Sajili’s is a huge, muscular, oriental with great tattoos on his body.

 

It looks as if his eyes are not well closed, and Kofi looks away quickly, goose bumps forming on his body, trying hard not be afraid.

Dead bodies have always freaked him out.

 

KOFI

(fearfully)

Oh, dear Lord! Help me!

 

He is trembling as he spreads Sajili’s legs open and pulls her towards him.

 

He quickly pulls down his zipper, opens his fly, and fumbles his flaccid penis out.

 

He is almost crying with fear, frustration and stress as he prepares to dip Sajili.

 

And then the head of the Chinese corpse turns slowly, and Kofi gasps with fear and moves backwards quickly!

 

He stays like that for some time, looking out for any movement from the Chinese corpse, but it remains still.

 

Heart thumping with great fear, Kofi slowly moves forward again and grabs Sajili’s waist, and just as he begins to move forward the eyes of the Chinese corpse fly open and he looks at Kofi with fury.

 

This time a scream of fear emits from Kofi’s lips as he moves back quickly, his heart beating violently with terror, his body shaking, goose pimples huge on his body!

 

Again he stays like that for a long time, staring at the Chinese corpse, his teeth almost beginning to chatter, and yet the body does not move.

Kofi shuts his eyes tightly and fights for control.

 

He doesn’t need to do much, really.

All he has to do is put in his dick to the full and withdraw, that is all, and he will be free.

 

He will go and pay Mallam Busanga, and then he will marry Akweley and live the rest of his life in happiness.

 

All he has to do is be cool, gather courage, and just dip Sajili’s corpse!

Kofi moves forward again.

 

He quickly grabs Sajili’s thighs and pulls her forward.

 

With his free hand he takes hold of his penis and manages to meander it into Sajili, and that is when a very huge groans emits from the throat of the Chinese corpse…

 

CHINESE CORPSE

Chuchuuuuffuuuuuuuu….

 

Kofi screams loudly, totally out of control now as his fear escalates!

 

A portion of his brain tells him that it is probably just trapped air emitting from the throat of the corpse, and that there is nothing to be afraid of.

 

However, the other part of his brain is terrified and will just not listen!

 

Kofi is in hysterics, gripped by uncontrollable terror!

As he moves backwards frantically,  Sajili’s body, now very close to the edge of the metallic table and precariously unbalanced, also comes off.

 

Kofi trips and falls heavily to the floor, and Sajili’s body falls on him, still with his penis in her!

 

Kofi screams loudly and turns Sajili’s body over, still screaming, and now they are in the missionary position with Kofi on top!

 

And that is when a door at the far end of the mortuary opens!

Kofi has not noticed that there is another door at the far end of the room!

 

The truth of the matter is that some journalists have visited the famous DIDI-FLON CLINIC to cover the ten years anniversary of the famous hospital, and they are being given a tour of the facility.

 

They have now come to the mortuary to check it up. They are being led by three doctors from the hospital.

 

There are about ten journalists, and they have entered through a door Kofi hasn’t noticed when he bolted the front door!

 

The doctors and the journalists see him on top of Sajili screaming!

They do not know that it is a scream of acute fear and terror!

 

They think it is a scream of ecstasy, that he is having an orgasm from making love to the corpse.

 

This is because he is lying on the dead body, still with his limp penis inside her, and screaming!

 

They look at him with shock, horror, fear, revulsion and absolute hatred!

Some of the journalists turn their recording cameras on him instantly!

One of the doctors, a huge black man, looks at Kofi with incredible revulsion!

 

BLACK DOCTOR

(nauseated)

Why, you sick bastard!

 

He takes three steps forward and kicks Kofi in the temple!

Kofi collapses on top of Sajili’s body… unconscious!

 

Kofi’s life has just taken a dive… into a most terrible nightmare!

 

Time passes in a blur.

Kofi Kuntukununku is too zoned out by acute stress, pain and humiliation to keep track of what is going on.

 

First he had woken up in a hospital bed handcuffed, with a police man sitting at the foot of the bed to prevent him from escaping.

 

And then he had been transferred to the police station and slammed into a cell.

 

Images and videos of his supposed indecent sexual assault on the corpse of an Indian beauty have been slammed on television and newspaper headline news, and splattered all over social media.

 

The name given to him now is THE GHOST BANGER.

His humiliation had been sky-high.

 

Tears have become as common as breath to Kofi.

 

He had quickly been arraigned before court, and the Judge, a rather severe-looking man called AKWASI BUABASAH, had ordered a complete psychological profiling on Kofi Kuntu, despite Kofi’s cries that he is sane and does not have any mental challenges.

 

The psychological evaluation of his mental state is to be performed by Doctor BOBO TOTOBI, Director of the ADADA ASYLUM.

 

The police are ordered to take Kofi to the institution to be evaluated.

On the morning he is supposed to go, two visitors come to see him.

They are Laryea Odamten and his daughter Akweley Odamten.

Kofi is not allowed to see them close up.

 

Instead, he is taken to a room which has a glass partition separating it, and he has to speak to Akweley through a telephone.

 

Akweley is wearing a simple sky-blue dress that accentuates her incredible figure and highlights her amazing colour.

 

Her face, however, is puffy from the amount of tears she has shed.

Her eyes are puffed up and red-rimmed as she sits down, holding a handkerchief sodden with tears.

 

Kofi picks up the receiver and puts it to his ear.

 

Akweley, her father standing primly behind her, hesitates for a moment, and then she picks up the receiver at her side of the glass partition.

Tears fall down her face again as she glares at him, and when she speaks her voice is filled with venom, pain and bitterness.

 

AKWELEY

(hissing venomously)

You… you… you! You bastard, K.K! How could you humiliate and destroy me like this? A corpse? You fuck corpses, you damn demon?

 

The revulsion on her face brings tears to Kofi’s eyes immediately.

 

KOFI

Please, love, listen-

 

AKWELEY

(hissing)

Shut the fuck up, you damn evil boy! It is for demonic purposes, right? The same powers you used to blind me to your real character, isn’t it?

 

KOFI

(weeping)

No, no, no, no, Akweley! Love, just give me a chance to explain, okay? It is not as you think, please, please, please! I-

 

And that is when Laryea Odamten leans forward and speaks near his daughter’s ear so that Kofi hears everything.

 

1. ODAMTEN

(venomously)

Abooooooowa! You crazy freak! The thing that pains me the most is that when you go and put your lousy penis into the vagina of corpses then you come and put it inside my daughter! Abooooooowa wate!

 

Maybe the thought of what her father described sinks into Akweley’s visionary projections, because she turns her head suddenly away from the receiver and vomits on the floor.

 

She stands up quickly, wipes her mouth with the handkerchief, and then throws Kofi’s promissory ring on the counter.

She leans forward and speaks with tears streaming down her face.

 

AKWELEY

I don’t ever want to see you again, Kofi! It is over between us, do you hear? I’m sure you’re going to prison, and I just want you to know that I won’t wait for you! It is over, Kofi Kuntu! It is finished between us! I’m going to find myself another man, a good Christian man, to marry! I’m going to forget you, and I’m going to curse the memory of you forever, you damn sakawa boy!

 

She runs from the room.

Kofi bangs his fist against the glass as his own tears stream like a flood.

 

KOFI

(heartbreakingly)

Akwe! Akwe! Akwe! My love! My booboo! My heart! Please don’t do this to me! Please, wait! Please listen!

 

Mr. Odamten grabs the receiver and speaks viciously into it.

 

Mr. ODAMTEN

I’ve fired you, Kofi! Aboooooowa! I’ve taken the car back too, Kofi, abooooowa! The thing that pains me the most is that when you put lousy penis inside the rotting vaginas of the corpses then you come and put it inside my daughter! Abooooowa! If I see you anywhere near her again, I swear I’ll personally decapitate you and cut off your sakawa penis, you crazy sick boy! Aboooooowa!

 

He turns to leave, but one of the policemen blocks his way.

 

POLICEMAN

Hey, who’s going to clean the vomit, sir?

 

Laryea Odamten takes out his wallet, peels off several notes of fifty cedis, and shoves them into the cop’s hand, and then he follows his daughter out.

 

 

 

Season 1 Episode 28 : Meeting The Eye

 

Another policeman behind Kofi steps forward and clamps handcuffs on him.

 

KOFI

Hey! Be gentle!

 

POLICEMAN

Aboooooowa! Time for your madness scan, my boy. I like the way that man says the abooooowa! But seriously, you fool paa o! Ahhhhh! You get that beautiful girl all to yourself and you prefer to fuck corpses? Abooooowa! Olu waaa denkye!

 

And that is why, two hours later, Kofi finds himself in an ultra-modern EVALUATION HALL at the ADADA ASYLUM.

 

He is strapped into a comfortable chair with restraints on his wrists and legs.

 

He is surrounded by a lot of machines and beeping readers.

He is left alone in the room for a while, and then the door opens and she comes in.

 

She is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen.

 

She is dressed in the white outfit of a nurse, and has a beautiful white cap on her head.

 

She is not a big girl, but she has a most beautiful figure, rounded to perfection. His eyes go to her legs, and he notices how well-formed they are with a sleek, classy look. Her feet are encased in low-heeled canvas shoes.

 

She is chocolate-skinned with an oval face.

 

Tender lips, a quaint nose, rosy cheeks and well-shaped eyebrows!

She is so lovely, so ethereal, so perfect!

 

She is holding a clipper with a sheet of paper on it, and she takes a pen and sits opposite Kofi.

 

There is something oddly familiar about her, and Kofi squints as he tries to recollect her.

 

She asks his name and age, speaking professionally, but he notices that her lips are compressed, an indication that she finds him unpalatable.

 

He answers her automatically, trying to recollect why she looks so familiar.

 

She asks another question that Kofi barely hears, and she looks up at him with her eyebrows arched, and then it slips into place like jangling of coins!

 

Finally he realizes where he knows her.

 

KOFI

(surprised)

You! Ahaaaa! Yes! You’re the eye!

 

She looks at him quizzically.

 

NURSE

What?

 

KOFI

You! Yes! You’re the eye, aren’t you?

 

NURSE

The eye? What’re you talking about?

 

KOFI

Your Whatsapp DP. Your display picture. It used to be an eye. Just an eye!

 

She sits back with an intake of breath, her beautiful face displeased immediately.

 

NURSE

Yes, and it is still an eye. How did you know that?

 

KOFI

(smiling)

Oh, my friend is Ato Sey. He and you are in this Whatsapp group, what’s the name? I forgot the name of the group.

 

She nods slowly as understanding dawns on her face.

 

NURSE

Oh, the Golgotha Church Youth Group. Yes. Ato Sey is your friend?

 

KOFI

(nodding)

Yes, my best friend. Yes, he mentioned your name even. Maa Abena Nyantie.

 

MAA ABENA

(displeased)

Yes. You seem to know a lot about me, Mr. Kuntukununku. Tell me, this friend, Ato… he’s been sending me a lot of messages. We talk occasionally. Does he also, you know…

 

Her voice trails off, and Kofi feels sad and humiliated and so down all of a sudden. Tears come to his eyes as he looks away from her.

 

KOFI

(chokingly)

No, he doesn’t go for corpses.

 

She looks abashed immediately, almost shamefaced, and she glows with embarrassment.

 

MAA ABENA

I… I’m sorry, didn’t mean it to come out like that!

 

Before Kofi can answer, the door opens, and a tall, grim-looking man with glasses and a great moustache walks in.

 

He is dressed in a three-piece black suit and shiny boots. His hair is a shock of afro grey, and it is parted in the side.

 

He looks so ancient that Kofi is not surprised when he whips out a chain watch from his pocket and flicks it open to look at the time.

 

Kofi would not have been surprised if the ancient man had brought out a monocle next and fixed it to his eye.

 

He comes forward slowly and takes the clip from Maa Abena.

He reads it for a moment, and then he nods once and stands looking at Kofi for a long time.

 

DIRECTOR

Thank you, nurse. You’re excused. I’ll take it from here.

 

Maa Abena stands up, looks at Kofi, and then she walks like rhythm in motion out of the door.

 

Kofi looks imploringly at Director Bobo Dovlo, and he puts on his best expression of innocence.

 

KOFI

(imploringly)

Doc, please, I’m not mad. It has all been a very great misunderstanding! If you will allow me, I can explain everything that happened, please.

 

The doctor nods and slowly lowers himself into the chair Maa Abena has vacated. He adjusts it and leans backward slowly with a most satisfied look on his face.

 

DIRECTOR

By all means, young man. Kindly explain to me why you preferred to have orgasms with dead Indian women.

 

KOFI

(sadly)

You see, there lies all the sad misconception about the whole incident.

 

DIRECTOR

Please, by all means, I’m all ears.

 

Feeling that his destiny lies in the hands of Doctor Bobo Dovlo, Kofi begins from the day Ato Sey handed him the Jamaican Stone to how he had gone to the morgue to dip Sajili.

 

The director listens to him without interruption.

 

Finally Kofi is done, and he looks at the man, seeking some compassion on that impassive face.

 

KOFI

So you see, that’s exactly what happened, sir. If you ask my friend Ato, he will collaborate everything!

 

 

Season 1 Episode 29: Bobo Time

 

DIRECTOR

Oh, yes, he has already done that.

 

KOFI

(excitedly)

He has? Ato has spoken to you about it?

 

DIRECTOR

Oh, yes. He came here early in the morning when he heard I was going to do the psychological evaluation. Actually he told me the same story you’ve just narrated, and I’m prone to believe that indeed, you two have really told me the truth!

 

KOFI

(sobbing)

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, sir! I’m so grateful!

 

The man slowly readjusts his chair, and it moves upward slowly until he is sitting straight and staring at Kofi.

 

His face is impassive, and there is a certain calculating look in his eyes that Kofi finds very uncomfortable indeed.

 

DIRECTOR

And, if I may ask, why are you thanking me, and why are you being grateful?

 

KOFI

(carefully)

I’m thankful that you believe my story, and based on that I’m certain you’re going to declare me of sound mind, and for that I’m grateful in advance, because your verdict will exonerate me from this whole mess.

 

Director Bobo Dovlo smiles in a sinister way and shakes his head.

 

DIRECTOR

Yes, I believe you, young man, and I know you’re not insane.

 

KOFI

Thank you so much, sir. May God bless you.

 

The man stands up and enters another office at the far end of the hall.

 

He spends about thirty minutes in there, and when he finally comes out he is holding a sealed envelope.

 

He stands in front of Kofi and gives his sinister smile again.

 

DIRECTOR

This is the report I’m going to give to the Judge, young man. It states that after observing you and doing several tests, I have come to the professional diagnosis that you’re mentally unhinged and a danger to, not only yourself, but to the society. It also states categorically that if you’re not admitted to the ADADA ASYLUM for treatment, there is a hundred percent probable chance that you will kill human beings within the next few days.

 

Kofi shoots out of the chair with sudden horror, but the restraints across his chest, wrists and ankles tighten painfully, drawing him back.

 

KOFI

(terrified)

Wh-what d-did you s-say, Doc?

 

DIRECTOR

(smiling menacingly)

You heard me. Oh, yes, you heard me! I’ve officially declared you mentally insane, a menace to yourself and society. I’ve officially sentenced you to spend the rest of your natural life cooped up in this asylum, and there is no escape for you!

 

KOFI

(horrified)

You’re going to… to lie I’m insane and k-keep m-me here as a patient?

 

DIRECTOR

(nodding with a smile)

Exaaaaaatally, as an Asian friend of mine will say.

 

KOFI

(struggling)

But why? SIR, WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A WICKED AND DASTARDLY THING?

 

Doctor Bobo throws back his head then and laughs harshly.

 

DIRECTOR

Oh, this is sweet! Little man, do you remember a certain woman named Naana? Naana Basiwaa?

 

Suddenly a tight knot of fear slams into Kofi’s belly!

 

Madam Naana Basiwaa!

Yes, Kofi remembers her!

 

Shortly after he had been employed by Mr. Laryea Odamten, the elderly woman had come to the office to see Mr. Laryea. Kofi had been asked to drive her to one of the sites where she wanted to purchase a house.

 

Two weeks later, Kofi and Madam Naana had started an affair!

 

She had had money, and she had taken a really good fancy to him. She had been far older, but she had had a good body and had been very voracious in bed!

 

It had been much later, about a year later, when Kofi had decided that he had had enough of her.

 

He had broken off with her in the house she had purchased. She had cried and begged him not to leave her, but Kofi had had enough of her.

He had left her, and had not heard from her again.

 

And now this Director has given a medical report that will condemn Kofi to the asylum because of his involvement with Madam Naana Basiwaa?

 

KOFI

(horrified)

Yes, I… I knew her, sir. B-but wh-what’s t-that got to do w-with me?

 

DIRECTOR

(with a nasty smile)

For starters, she was married to me. After you seduced her, she refused to make love to me again, for a whole year, and she wanted a divorce, which I wouldn’t grant her because I loved her very much! She wasn’t working! All the money she showered on you, the gifts she bought for you, the nice places she took you, the hefty expenses she incurred were all coming from my pocket! I was crying each night, begging her to stop and be with me, but she wouldn’t! She tortured my soul, because of you!

 

KOFI

(terrified)

Ohhhhhhhhh! Ohhhhhhhh, sir! I’m soooo sorry! I didn’t know she was your wife! I broke off with her!

 

DIRECTOR

(insanely shouting)

YES, YOU BROKE OFF WITH HER, AFTER SHE HAD WASTED MY MONEY ON YOU! AFTER YOU HAD HAD ENOUGH OF HER! SHE THEN CONFESSED TO ME AND SAID HOW SORRY SHE WAS FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL TO ME! I WAS SO MAD! ALTHOUGH SHE PROMISED IT WOULDN’T HAPPEN AGAIN AND SHE WOULD STAY WTIH ME FOREVER, I HATED HER! I DIVORCED HER, AND SHE COMMITTED SUICIDE TWO MONTHS LATER! AND I’VE BEEN IN PAIN EVER SINCE! YOU ROBBED ME OF A WIFE, YOUNG MAN, AND ROBBED MY CHILDREN OF A MOTHER! OH, YOU’RE SO GOING TO PAY, KOFI KUNTUKUNUNKU! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I’VE WAITED FOR A CHANCE LIKE THIS! YOU’RE GOING TO EXPERIENCE MY WRATH, MY FURY, AND MY VENGEANCE!

 

KOFI

(horrified)

Ohhhhhhhhhh! Sir, sir, sir! I’m sorry! So sorry! Oh, I didn’t know that! Please, sir, I beg of you! Don’t do this, okay? I was young and stupid!

 

DIRECTOR

(fiercely)

I don’t give a fuck! I had planned for years, YEARS, of how to seek revenge on you, but there was nothing I could DO until you decided to fuck a dead Indian woman! Oh, Kofi Kuntu, I’m so glad you’re here! You’re going to spend the rest of your life here, and you’re going to die a slow painful death here, that I promise you! You’re going to have a funky time here!

 

Kofi struggles futilely in the chair, his eyes bulging with terror as he realizes the terrible end the man has planned for him.

 

KOFI

(shrieking)

No, no, no, no! You can’t do this! Nooooo! I’m sorry! Oh, please, don’t do this to meeeee…

 

Director  then takes a syringe out of his pocked and with a sudden movement he stabs it into Kofi’s neck and depresses the plunger.

 

DIRECTOR

(insanely)

Well, I’ve just given you an injection with a hallucinatory effect. It will enter your bloodstream in moment, and render you temporarily insane. Of course I’ve taken the liberty to invite members of the press and the Judge here. After they see how the drug will make you behave, they’ll believe my report! Welcome to ADADA, Mr. Kuntu! Thought you could fuck fuck my wife rough rough for free, huh? Your mother! You’re going to taste pepper, my friend!

 

 

Season 1 Episode 30: Behaving Badly

 

Kofi Kuntu feels his tongue getting heavy, and his sight blurring.

 

DIRECTOR

(softly)

Say you will kill somebody, Kofi.

 

KOFI

(weeping, scared)

You bad man! You bad, bad man! I won’t say I will kill! You’re so bad that’s why your wife left you!

 

DIRECTOR

Say it, Kofi! Say you will kill somebody!

 

KOFI

I won’t say it! I will kill somebody! Nooooo, I won’t say it, you fucking Ayigbe bastard! I will kill somebody! I will kiiiiiiilllll somebody! I will kill somebody! I will kill! I won’t kill! No, no, no, I won’t say it! I will kill! I will kill and kill and kill and kill somebody paaa!!

 

Director Bobo Dovlo smiles to himself, and then he quietly leaves the room.

 

Kofi begins to see some round faces on the ceiling that look like penis heads wearing X’mas hats, and then he begins to giggle insanely!

 

Almost thirty minutes later, the door opens, and a sad-looking Director Bobo Dovlo enters with Judge Awasi Buabasah and some reporters.

 

By this time Kofi is totally insane, and he is laughing uproariously as tears stream down his face.

 

The judge, quite taken aback, looks at him with shock.

 

JUDGE BUABASAH

Goodness me, what’s wrong with him?

 

DIRECTOR

(sadly)

He’s now totally insane, sir. I told you that in the report. He’s become a danger to himself and other people. He can kill!

 

KOFI

(laughing)

Say I will kill somebody! I won’t say it! I will kill and kill and kill you all! I see a lot of penises on the ceiling wearing Christmas hats! Hey, Papa Judge, you look like your wife’s steenkeen vaginant tor, tor, tooor! Mallam Busanga, he says I should cut off your head and stick it into your anulus! Heeeeeey, did you see Corporal Tiiiiiiiiinga’s penis? It looks like a tree! He’s going to fuck Sajili with it! I will kill all of you, every one of you! Where’s Akweley and her toto father? Abooooooooowa Laryea Odamten! I’ll kill him too! My penis is not functioning because Sajili put a password on it! Hahahahahaaa! Did you hear that? I have a password on my dick! I will fuck all your anulus with my dick and bring out the shitu in your anulus! Heeeeey, Heeeeey, Heeeeey! Sawaaaaa gbontos! I wanna kill! Kill! Eeeeeeeei, Bobo Dovlo, your name sounds like shit! I fucked your wife’s toto toto totoooooo! I made it go like pheeeeee pheeeeeee pheeeeeee! Kpa kpa kpa kpa kpa kpa kpa tofuuuuuuuu! Bla K, Bla K, bla Kaaaaaayyyyyyyy…

 

The reporters are taking pictures!

 

The Judge turns away with disgust.

 

JUDGE BUABASAH

The boy remains here, doctor. Do what you deem fit to take care of him. I’ll issue my verdict tomorrow, and you will officially receive my verdict to remand him here! He needs to be cured of whatever madness is afflicting him. Such a fine young lad, what a pity! It’s the sakawa things they do, you know, dabbling in so much evil. Such a waste, such a pity! I hope he gets well you know. He’s such a fine lad, reminds me of my son.

 

DiRECTOR

(wiping tears)

So sad! Such a fine young boy! I’ll do my best for him! I’ll try and get him cured very soon, Your Honour!

 

KOFI

I will kill you, Your Honour! Abooooowa, I’m not your son! I eat the toto of the mad woman! Judge, your face like atopa! Your legs like Panadol! Your waist like Lucozade, Judge. Doctor Bobo Dovlo! Your name sounds like vagina! I fucked your wife Naana! She likes it from behind and when she’s coming she shouts ahooooooo, ahooooooo, ahooooooo! And then she tries to bite me! That’s why I broke off with her , you know! She bites! All the time she bites! Ah, small money so you should bite me rough rough? Nonsense! Eiiiiiii, I see penis heads on the ceiling! I see vaginant on your faces! Sajili has taken my penis password to the grave! Mallam Busanga is azaaa class one. Eeeei, Ato Sey, your head like Instagram! Corporal Tiiiiiiinga, your tiiiiiinga, you hear? Your bula like Director Dovlo Bobo’s head! Bobo Dovlo, aboooooowa man! I will kill somebody today, I swear! I don’t know whether you’re Director Bobo or Boobs. Bobo means vagina, do you know that? Laryea Odamten, aboooooowa! I will kill you all!

 

The people in the room turn and leave, their faces very sad.

 

Once outside, the Director addresses the press.

Finally, when they leave, he calls some of his nurses.

 

They can all hear Kofi screaming behind the closed door.

 

MAA ABENA

(concerned)

Sir? What’s wrong with Mr. Kuntu?

 

DIRECTOR

I’m afraid his mind finally gave in, nurse. Mr. Nii Lin, kindly coordinate the transfer of this boy to the institution. Send him to D-BLOCK. Let him be Baluu’s room mate.

 

NII LIN

(horrified)

Baluu? Did you say Baluu, sir?

 

DIRECTOR

Yes, you heard right.

 

NII LIN

But Baluu will kill him, sir, on sight! You know it, sir! We have other empty rooms, a lot of them inside the D-Block. We can even send him to the General Ward, sir, with all the other patients. There are a lot of beds there too.

 

MAA ABENA

(scared)

Sir, surely you can’t send this new patient to Baluu’s room! Baluu will break every bone in his body. Surely, we can’t keep him in a cell with Baluu, sir!

 

DIRECTOR

Stop challenging me this instant, both of you! Go in there for him and send him to Baluu’s room!! NOW!! I’ll go with you to make sure everything is alright! His diagnosis is bad, and he needs to spend more time with someone with dominant attributes like Baluu in order to suppress his spiking hallucinatory concepts about killing. So stop questioning me and get to your duties immediately!

 

The nurses leave the office of the Director with various looks of anger, especially on the parts Nii Lin and Maa Abena.

 

NII LIN

My God! Why is the Director doing this? What is he thinking? He just signed Kofi’s death warrant! Damn, Baluu hasn’t stopped talking about the man who lied to him and sent him to the bathroom. That’s all he talks about nowadays! If he sees Kofi again, trust me, he will rip his head off!

 

Maa Abena looks at him thoughtfully.

 

MAA ABENA

You’re speaking as if you know something I don’t, Nii.

 

NII LIN

Oh, sorry, sorry. There must be something wrong, you know. Kofi never struck me as the dangerous type. Damn, he was cool when they brought him, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him!

 

MAA ABENA

Oh, so you know him.

 

NII LIN

Yes, he’s a friend. He’s a friend of my school mate.

 

MAA ABENA

I see. Quite nice. I spoke to him too, you know. I did his profiling. Quite a handsome young man, and I wondered how he managed to get himself into such a mess. We have a mutual friend, you know. It came up during the profiling. I don’t really believe what the Director is saying is true, though.

 

NII LIN

There must be something wrong. Something really wrong. Please, wait for me, okay. I will go and get Nurse Elsie Ansah. She’ll know what to do. She’s the only one who can stand up to the Director because she’s the senior nurse here, and she takes no nonsense from anyone.

 

MAA ABENA

Oh, then please do, okay? You know I’m new here and I didn’t want to get into the bad books of the Director. But if there’s someone who can help please go and get here, please. Otherwise Baluu will kill that boy!

 

Nii nodded and went in such of the senior nurse.

 

And, inside the evaluating hall, Director Bobo Dovlo is sitting in front of Kofi and laughing his heart out whilst Kofi screams and screams and flail in the chair wildly like a fish out of water.

 

KOFI

Iphone penis! Samsung vagina! Tekno buttocks…eiiiiii what a telephone whore! Etwe bofu, Etwe kpotiii, etwe frimfraaaaaam! Penis Vagina, Vagina Penis, atopa Atopa yorrr! Ei, tooor tooooor, toooooor. Your Penisa into the vaginant of the mad woman, Mallam Busanga yooooor! Penis tree Tiiiinga! Jamaican Stone Ato Sey! Mr. Laryea Aboooooowa Odamten! Akweley the maidservant! Sajili Indian corpse! Yasmeen Anulus Anal Slyder! I will kiiiiillll somebody today! Baluuuuuuuu your mother!!

 

And Director Bobo Dovlo laughs and laughs and can’t stop laughing.

He has never been so happy!

 

Vengeance, indeed, is best served cold, he thinks.

 

END OF SEASON 1