The Silent Vow
EUNICE ANSAH-AGYEMAN
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The Author
THE SILENT VOW
Sedinam stepped morosely out of the luxurious bathtub with a huge fluffy towel around her body.
She had sensed a drift in her husband of ten year’s affection and all attempts to get to the bottom of it had proved futile.
They had started to grow apart after her thirteenth miscarriage.
She was aware that the depression she sunk into after the last miscarriage was a factor, but now things were getting out of hand.
He was hardly home these days and did not make any effort to keep the routines they shared as a couple.
Reluctantly, she stepped into the empty bedroom after securing the sash of her bathrobe.
It was a big and comfortable bedroom by all standards. It used to be a favourite haven of hers, but now it only made the loneliness more pronounced.
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Her eyes fell on the big golden-framed picture of her and Eli hanging on one part of the wall as she applied the body moisturizer and perfume to her body.
Dressed in all-white and gold trimmings with beaming smiles on their faces, they really looked happy and carefree.
It was taken on their third anniversary when she found out she was pregnant for the very first time. Their joy as a couple knew no bounds as the news sank in and they celebrated it massively.
Unfortunately, she had painfully miscarried at twenty weeks.
They had both been shattered by the loss but had found comfort in each other’s arms. Timely help from a clinical psychologist, family, and a few friends helped them overcome the pain.
Then, the miscarriage happened again and again. It was so bad that even the thought of making love filled her with extreme anxiety.
They had sought professional help again, but the vacuum created by each loss was never filled, at least for her.
Their marriage had taken a worse turn when she lost her twin boys a week in her third trimester. It had really gotten to her, and for once her husband had coiled into a shell of sorts afterwards. It was as if he blamed her for losing the boys.
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He had refused to seek help or support her as she battled with the depression that resulted from it.
He had started coming home late and going out most weekends afterwards. Their sex life had been affected drastically and gradually they were drifting apart with such speed.
The sliding of the main gate announced the arrival of her husband. It was fifteen minutes after midnight. She hurried downstairs, relieved that Eli was finally home and was just in time to see him walk through the door. As was routine, they shared a brief kiss even though she saw that Eli was uncomfortable with it.
She smelled the alcohol on his breath then. Even though she was disappointed that he was drinking in the middle of the working week, she kept it at bay and helped him take his briefcase upstairs. She helped him undress, not perturbed by his discomfort.
“Your food is in the warmer, should I dish it out now?”
“You can freeze it for another time,” he replied as he headed for the bathroom.
After what seemed like an eternity, Elikem, freshly showered and smelling good stepped into the bedroom with a pale face and his phone was in his hand.
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That was another thing that bothered Sedi. They used to share everything, including phones, but these days Eli’s phone went everywhere with him. His phone had somehow become his third hand. She had caught him chatting with an unsaved contact on some occasions when he thought she was not looking. Other times, she had found him in the washroom talking in undertones on the phone.
He slipped gently into the big bed with his back to his wife still holding his phone.
He turned off the sound, placed it on the bedside table, and turned off the lamp at his side of the bed.
Sedi’s disappointment reached its height then. She had practically waited the whole day for him to come home and all she got was a forced kiss and nothing? Not even an explanation for why he had made her worried the whole time with his coming home late.
“Just like that, Eli? “
“Just like what?’ he asked in an angry voice.
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“You waltz in after midnight and feel I don’t have the right to know why? ” Sedi replied, her disappointment echoing in her voice.
“I’m not in the mood for one of your tantrums, Sedi. It’s been a long day. It’s late, and I have work in the morning. I just want to sleep, is that too much to wish for?”
Sedi fought hard not to cry. She hated it so much when Eli did that. Now he was making it look like she was looking for a fight and that she was the insensitive one.
She turned her back to him with an effort because all she wanted to do was give him a piece of her mind, but maybe he was right, now was not a good time. She was too angry, anyway.
With a trembling hand, she switched off the night lamp at her side of the bed and pulled the sheets over her head.
Tears had formed in her eyes now, and she forced herself not to give in to those tears that were threatening to spill down her beautiful cheeks.
Sedi closed her eyes tightly as if that singular act would stop the tears that had wet her beautifully-shaped eyelashes now.
She heard a phone vibrating but fought the urge to stir when the lighted screen came on.
Eli checked his phone and read the message that had landed.
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She could hear him give out a low laugh, obviously amused by what he was reading or seeing.
After a while, she saw the screen light go off and heard him sigh heavily. She felt him turning towards her direction, and moments later, his hand fell lazily on her back.
“I’m sorry I reacted like that. I’ve had a really bad day, and I have no right taking it out on you.”
Sedi didn’t even stare.
“I know you are not sleeping, can we talk now?”
“Did you forget you have work later in the day? I’m the useless one who stayed home all day waiting for an ungrateful husband to walk in any time he felt like it.”
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“You don’t have to get like that. I said I was sorry.”
“You think saying sorry makes everything alright? The pain from your outburst doesn’t heal with just sorry, Eli!”
“I know, and I’m sorry to make you feel that way. You’ve been a tremendous help, and I know I practically begged you to resign and stay at home as we worked on the pregnancy thing. The thing is I feel guilty about something terrible that had happened, and I don’t know how to tell you. I’ve been battling with it for a while now.”
He waited, hoping to get the usual feedback of Sedi throwing a tantrum of sorts under such circumstances but he was sorely disappointed when she kept quiet.
“Are you asleep?”
“No.”
“Can you please take the cloth off your head and talk to me?”
Almost in slow motion, Sedi shed the cloth, stuffed four pillows behind her upper body, and sat up with her head on them.
Eli propped himself up too and took one of her hands in his two hands, rubbing it gently.
“I don’t know how to make this easy for you. I want you to know that I didn’t mean to hurt you and no matter what happens, I do love you very much.”
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Sedi knew her night was going to be a long one with the tension she sensed in his voice. It was apparent that whatever news he was going to share was not pleasant.
“I got together with this lady on our professional platform when I was at my lowest ebb after losing the twins. I swear it was a one-time thing, something I regretted the very instant it happened. Look, I don’t want you to think it’s your fault or you are not enough for me. I did this. I was weak and a fool. Afterwards, she wanted it to continue, but I told her I couldn’t, and she had left hurt. She even stopped talking to me completely. A month or so later, she sent me a message that she was with child and I was the father.”
Sedi’s tear bank broke, and the tears flowed as if the gates of a dam had opened forcibly. She wouldn’t have believed in a million years if someone had told her Eli would do something like that to her.
Theirs was not love at first sight, but when they both committed to each other, they had been the best and the envy of many yet-to-be-married youths.
He had treated her like the queen she was, and everywhere they went, he had bragged about having the best woman in the whole world as a wife.
And she had done the same.
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Eli tried to put his hands around her, but she would not let him.
He got off the bed when Sedinam got down with a heart tearing in pieces. The fact that the woman he loved so much was hurting that badly because of his actions was something he could not ignore.
“Sedi, please, don’t shut me out,” he implored. “I know I have betrayed your trust in me. And I have no excuse for what I did, and I’m not going to lie that I didn’t know what came over me. I was a fool who couldn’t resist the temptation.”
If Sedi heard what he said, she didn’t give any indication of that fact. She walked straight to the living room with a pillow and a cloth in hand and slumped into the big comfortable sofa.
Eli made to sit beside her, but she put out her hand in a warning and spoke rather loudly.
“Don’t even think about it, Eli. I don’t need your company right now. Please leave me alone to think.”
“I want to say how sorry I am for all this. I’ve caused you unimaginable pain, and I am so sorry very for that.”
“You should be. You have just killed me literally.”
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Eli walked to the sofa adjacent to Sedi’s and sank into it, his pain mirrored on his gentle face.
“She doesn’t want the baby. She’s been on my case to take her to the doctor for an abortion. But I kept thinking if you would agree, we can get into some agreement with her and take the baby when he or she makes it to term. I was hoping that would suffice better than adopting a total stranger into our home.”
“This is your mess, Eli. Deal with it. What do you want me to say, huh, that I am not capable of giving you children so you should sleep with the next available woman and get her pregnant? And then come here with some nerve to tell me to raise that child?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just thought it was another option to make you happy. But if it’s not something you can do, I’ll schedule that appointment and get it over with.”
“I’m not surprised you are thinking about adding murder to adultery. It is indeed true that anyone who can be unfaithful can kill.”
Felling bashed and hurt, Eli got to his feet and walked gloomily into the bedroom.
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Sedinam stretched on the sofa when her confusion seemed to be peaking with no restraints. She wondered why Eli was making it look like human life was disposable. She marvelled at how he spoke dispassionately about the unborn child and felt short-changed somehow. And this was a guy she thought she knew explicitly.
She pulled the cloth around her as she lay gazing at the blank wall facing her.
She knew it was going to be a long haul to the morning because suddenly, all the sleepiness had vanished from her eyes.
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