The Silent Vow

EUNICE ANSAH-AGYEMAN

THE SILENT VOW

EPISODE 11

Sedinam sat on the balcony with nothing in particular on her mind. Lately, weekends had become a sort of torture for her since Eli would be home most of the time.

In the past, she had looked forward to the weekends. That was the time they got to spend some quality time together. But now, Eli’s presence in the house unsettled her greatly.

She did okay when she was alone than when she was with him.

That Saturday, Eli helped her with the laundry and stayed with her in the kitchen when she prepared breakfast, but things were a bit strained between them. She was having a hard time relating to him the way it was before he dropped the bomb on their marriage.

Her husband of ten years was still acting as if things were the same. From the way he was going on about it, it was like she was being difficult about letting go and moving on as if nothing had happened.

Sedi wished she could simply bury her head in the sand and pretend all was well, but her heart, mind and soul screamed at her every time she saw Eli, and it took real effort from her not to be rude to him. She wondered if a day would come when she would forget about this great betrayal from him and stay together as if all was well.

“Got a minute?”

Eli’s voice cut into her thoughts, and she looked up at him. The funny thing was, she felt like crying every time he was near her.

“Yeah, sure,” she replied, dropping her eyes.

Eli dropped into the sofa facing her and looked as if he was battling with something himself.

“I still haven’t gotten an answer from you regarding…” he stopped and looked at her uncomfortably.

“I still don’t know what to say.”

“It’s quite simple, really. It’s either you agree with me, or you don’t. Time is of the essence here.”

“Don’t you think I know that? It’s not that simple, Eli. It’s like we are rushing at making decisions. What does this mystery lady really want?”

“I told you that she doesn’t want to raise the baby or any other baby for that matter. She’s keeping it because I asked her to, for our sake, considering we’ve not been able to have one by ourselves.”

Sedinam closed her eyes. The implication of what he just said cut through her like a sharp knife. It was as if he was sure this baby would make it because the mother was not her. It was like he was blaming her indirectly for their predicament.

“What do you really want to do, Eli? Are you still intimate with this mystery lady?”

“What has that got to do with what we are discussing?”

“That means you are still sleeping with her,” she said, disappointed.

“No, that is not the case. I told you it was over even before the baby thing came up. I want to be with only you.”

Somehow, Sedinam could not take his word as it was. Too much water had passed under the bridge, and it was difficult just ignoring it. Her trust in him had dropped to negative values on the scale.

“Let’s just say I agree with you, what do you expect from me?”

“Your support, every step of the way, my dear. But most importantly, agreeing to raise him or her as your own.”

“And the mother? What agreement will be in place for her? Are you going to compensate her for the sacrifice or she would also be part of the child’s upbringing?”

Eli was quiet for a while. He knew he could not say for sure what Kafui wanted. One minute she did not want the baby, and another minute she was talking about plans for the baby when he or she was born. It was difficult talking to Kafui about these things because somehow he was convinced he did not care that much about her and that the only reason he was with her was because of the baby.

“I don’t think you really know, do you?”

“Well, initially, all she wanted was to have an abortion, but now she is open to the idea of you raising the child. We haven’t talked about anything else because I don’t want to make any promises without running them by you first.”

Sedinam could not help but chuckle at the irony of it all. Was Eli trying to say that he did not do anything without consulting with her? Did he consult with her before going to take off another woman’s clothes and sleeping with her?

“You know what, I think it will just be easy if we get a divorce so you can be free to marry her. I’m sure she didn’t even know you were married from the very beginning.”

That got to Eli very much.

“Are you going to throw in the towel just like that, Sedi? You were ready to bring a total stranger to this house to raise as our child, but you can’t raise my child because he didn’t come from you? Is that what you are saying?”

“I did not say such a thing. This issue is not as simple as you make it seem. I’m being realistic here. And adopting a child is different. Way different from what we have on our plate here. These kids are out there, unwanted, and if you bring them home, they are yours until they grow old and decide to find their roots. Even then, most of them will never turn their backs on the hand that gave them a head start in life. This situation you have created is different, far different. This lady, whoever she is, may decide she doesn’t want to raise the baby but would want rights, something which would not be accepted somewhere along the line, yet we cannot do anything about it. I’ve had enough complications for a lifetime, and I don’t need any more.”

Elikplim just stared at Sedinam as if he was seeing her for the first time. The Sedinam he knew would have agreed to anything he wanted to do without making any fuss about it. In the past, Sedinam had never gone against him in any decision, and that was why he had told her about the pregnancy. He was sure she would be thrilled about getting a baby to raise in the end, but her reaction to the whole situation was getting him confused.

Eli got to his feet slowly when it became clear that Sedinam was done talking about what was at stake.

“I’ll be going out to check on a few things very soon,” he said, trying to hide his disappointment.

“Just say you are going to see your mistress, I will understand,” Sedi shot back, without thinking about her utterances.

“Is that how it’s going to be? Every time I go out, you will be thinking I’m going to be with another woman?”

“Do you blame me?”

Eli had to look at her again. He did not understand where all that bitterness towards him was coming from. Sedi had always been level-headed. If she even disagreed with him on something, she always had a nice way of putting it without making him feel bad, but it looked to him that she wanted to hurt him as much as possible and that unsettled him greatly.

“I see you are in an aggressive mood today. If it will ease your mind, maybe we should bring her to live with us, then you will know there’s nothing between us anymore. I behaved badly, and I have admitted it. The least you can do is either forgive me or leave. You just broke my heart with that statement of yours.”

Sedinam looked at him sharply, still wanting to vent her frustrations but the look on his face stopped her. She was not sure whether he was acting or being sincere. And did she hear him right? Bring the mistress to live with them?

She thought that was a bit stretched but was he saying that to let her know he was being sincere or was he trying to bring his mistress close by for selfish reasons?

The fact was, she was not sure she would believe him ever again. The trust switch inside her went off permanently the very day he told her about the other woman. And she knew it was almost impossible for her to get past that. She was not sure she would be able to relate to him the way it was before. And she was sure she would never respect him in the real sense of the word again.

When Eli saw that she was not talking about what was at stake, he raced upstairs and got busy with nothing in particular.

A long while later, casually dressed, he stepped out of the house without saying anything to Sedinam.

A part of her wanted to follow him to be sure he was not going to the other woman’s house, but a big part of her fought against the idea.

She played around with some options to get the venom out of her system, but nothing concrete surfaced.

Thankfully, Bernard called when she was at her lowest ebb. Somehow, he managed to lift her spirits, and she was grateful for that. She agreed to see him again soon before they hang up after conversing for close to an hour.