ALEXANDER AKOTO ADJEI

THE COFFIN MAKER

EPISODE 26-28

Episode 26

Shortly after Akua Yankey left to the house, a boy between the age of 16 to 18 riding a bicycle mistakenly splashed muddy water on Opana. Michael and Bernice saw the move early, but Opana who was pressing his phone by then didn’t see it so he was badly soaked in the muddy water. The boy wanted to run at first but with his little calculation, he realised that he couldn’t escape freely so he came before Opana to apologise.

Young Boy

(going on his knees)

Sir, please forgive me because I didn’t intentionally splash the water on you. I lost balance due to the speed I was riding so please forgive me.

Opana

You foolish boy, idiot, imbecile, baboon, dimwit, social miscreant, son of a harlot, wizard, devil’s incarnate, on this big road, you couldn’t get anywhere to pass except where I stood and you perfectly executed your plan by splashing muddy water on me. See what you have done to my body and my expensive white kente? Do you know how much it cost me to get this kente? There are only two people apart from me who have the limited edition of this very kente. And they are Otumfuo Osei Tutu II and the president of the republic, Nana Addo Danquah Akufo Addo. I don’t even know if this laundry people can even wash it clean for me to have it the way it was previously? I have seized your bicycle for good and you will never get it.

Young Boy

Sir please forgive me because the bicycle is not mine and if the owner gets to know that I took his bicycle, he will kill me because he just bought it yesterday, and I didn’t deliberately splash the muddy water on you. Please I beg of you as today is a Sunday morning.

Opana

Do I look like God who forgives people their sins? We were three people standing here, so why am I the only person who got soaked with the muddy water if what you did was not on purpose? You better leave my sight before I seize the dress you are wearing together with the bicycle.

Young Boy

Sir, please I beg you, if you take this bicycle away I don’t know what will happen to me when I get home? I am on my knees begging you.

Opana

Well, if the owner decides to kill you, I sell coffin so your people will come and buy from me and I will get more money.

Michael Ansah

Papa please forgive him and take it that it is me or any of your children that mistakenly splashed muddy water on you. He looks helpless and I believe he didn’t splash the water on you on purpose, Papa God will bless you more if you forgive him for his wrong against you.

Opana

Chancellor of the Exchequer, father know-all, Pope Michael of Ghana, Renowned Psychologist, Perfect Mediator, was I not standing here with you before this fool splashed muddy water on me?. Did you even get a small stain in your dress? Don’t bring yourself for me to channel some of my anger on you. Do you know how I suffered before I got this kente? Osei Kwame Despite was the one who wanted to buy this particular kente but I outsmarted him and this fool has managed to stain it. (pushes the bicycle home whiles the others followed him closely pleading with him)

Akua Yankey

Ah, what happened to you, my dear? Where from this muddy stains in your kente and face?

Young Boy

Madam, I mistakenly splashed water on him when I lost balance as I was riding. Please help me beg him because it wasn’t deliberate, he has seized the bicycle which does not belong to me. The owner will kill me if I don’t return home with the bicycle.

Akua Yankey

My love, please forgive him. You know he is a young boy just like our daughter, please take it that it’s one of our children who mistakenly splashed water on you and forgive him.

Michael Ansah

That is exactly what I said to Papa earlier on but he rather insulted me.

Opana

Will you shut that stupid gutter you call a mouth up before I tie it with my bare hands. Didn’t you see what went on Kwaku Mike? And for you woman, I blame you for everything that happened.

Akua Yankey

You blame me for what reason my dear?

Opana

You decided to ruin my day, right from dawn you started making noise to interrupt my sleep. As if that was not enough, you forced me to put this expensive kente on even though we are attending a common thanksgiving service. Upon leaving the house too you asked me to wait for you at the spot this fool came to spoil everything. And you are there pleading for mercy on his behalf. Let me tell you this, even if Mary decides not to go to Bethlehem with Joseph and she comes here heavily pregnant,  I won’t listen to her plea. If she likes she can decide not to give birth to Jesus Christ on the 25th of December.

Akua Yankey

My love please, when sometimes we talk kindly listen to us.

Bernice Ansah

Papa, please forgive him for it wasn’t deliberate for him to splash the water on you.

From nowhere Eno Bruwaa surfaced and she also joined the pleading party.

Eno Bruwaa

I know this matter doesn’t concern me but I am only stepping in because am also a mother who feels for children. Please my landlord kindly forgive the boy. I saw what happened and I know the boy didn’t deliberately splash the water on you, it was a mere accident so please temper justice with mercy.

Opana

Woman, hold your peace, as you rightly said, this matter doesn’t concern you so please go find something to do with yourself before I give you a piece of my anger cake.

Akua Yankey

(raging with anger seeing Eno Bruwaa) And who invited you into this madam? All you know is to go about poking your nose into things that don’t concern you and gossip around. You think I have forgiven you for the ugly things you said about my son when he had a brawl with Agnes? I haven’t gotten your time yet and at the right time, I will deal with you.

Opana

My dear what did she say about my son?

Akua Yankey

My love can you imagine this heartless woman was gossiping with Hajia Kubra that she wishes Agnes was her blood relation, she would have personally taken the case to the high court and would have done anything in her power to jail my son?

Eno Bruwaa

Aunty Akua, please you heard me wrongly with what I was telling Hajia Kubra. I was only explaining something to her but you got to hear only the negative things I was saying. Please don’t misjudge me because I know the good things your family has been doing for mine.

Michael Ansah

So, all this while you wanted my downfall, Eno? What wrong did I ever do to you in this compound? Don’t I help your grandchildren with their homework and even teach them sometimes when am free in the house at night? Indeed, some people act like lovers but behind your back, they are your real enemies.

Eno Bruwaa

It seems you have all gotten the wrong signal so I will take leave now to let sleeping dogs lie.

Opana

Mmmm madam you see your life? By their fruits, they shall be known. I won’t say much, but you will hear from me soon and you will love my statement due to the nature and power of it. No one invited you here, so take your embarrassed self and leave this place you gossip. Now you young boy just leave this place before I do something drastic to you and let me sound an aggressive warning to everyone here that anyone who touches this bicycle or gives it out to anyone, I will personally skin the person alive. Go to church because am not joining you any longer.

Akua Yankey

My love, please don’t bring that now because you promised to go to church with us some days ago and just reflect on the things that have happened to this family and how good the Lord has been to us. Please don’t let the devil walk in to spoil our plans for the day.

Opana

You take the lead for me to join you later. I have to wash down again and find a new dress since you have to meet the session clerk early so you give him your message for an announcement.

Bernice Ansah

Papa please are you sure you will come to church truly?

Opana

Certainly, my daughter, you know your father here doesn’t go against his words and any promise he makes, he fulfils it.

Akua Yankey

If you say so we will meet at church but please don’t be late. Mike stop a taxi so we rush to church because we are behind time already.

Opana goes inside the house with the bicycle and locks it in one of the storerooms so that no one will get access to it. All this while, Agnes Kyerewaa was standing at a reasonable distance watching the action that took place previously.

Agnes Kyerewaa

So this boy has been released erh? No wonder my uncle refused me the opportunity to see him when I came back from the hospital yesterday. He can’t be walking about freely after what he did to me. I will deal with him squarely but first let me call my uncle so he tells me the reason why that bastard is still walking about freely on the street.

On Phone:

Commander

Hello my beautiful niece how are you doing this morning?

Agnes Kyerewaa

Uncle, you don’t expect me to be happy when that monster is still walking about freely on the street like nothing happened.

Commander

My dear, I would advise you to forget about him and what happened because that guy has got connections that anywhere you take him, with a single call he will be set free so I urge you to just forget about what happened between the two of you. A call that came from above was enough to let me lose my job if I kept him in my custody for even a minute further. My dear any money you spent at the hospital, am ready to incur the expenditure, so bring to my office tomorrow all the receipts of the monies you have spent so far.

Agnes Kyerewaa

Am not happy with your explanations ooo uncle because am sensing something fishy in here ooo.

Commander

My dear shut up and listen to me. How much can those people pay me so I betray my niece?. Just come to the office tomorrow, take good care of yourself and take your drugs judiciously. (call ends)

Opana, on the other hand, is contemplating if he should go to church or not but in the end, he came to the conclusion that he will join his family at church. He got himself a new dress and left the house but on his way, he met a long time friend and they diverted to a drinking spot to break some bottles. After consuming three bottles of beer he decided to go to church. But something funny but serious happened in the church.

Do you want to guess what funny thing happened in the church?

Episode 27

As Opana got to the church his walking had changed because of the alcohol intake and he couldn’t even stand on his feet very well. The usher who was close by received Opana beautifully and gave him a seat close to the window so that the fuse coming from his mouth will be blown away by the wind.

 

Usher

Sir, please looking at your condition now, please take a seat close to the window so that you can get fresh air.

Opana

Where is my wife sitting?  I want to join her wherever she is sitting.

Usher

Mmmm, sir please your wife is an executive of the women’s fellowship so she is sitting with her group members.

Opana

I see your mind young lady, you don’t like me and I equally don’t like you too. I know what to do so don’t worry. Since you said I should sit here I will peacefully sit here but the pastor will hear about your conduct towards me.

Some few minutes later it was offering time and the praises team led the congregation to do that, the ushers directed the members on how they will go about things, Opana followed some people to the front of the church to give his offering and as he was done he went back to his seat. Later the session clerk mounted the podium and Opana went out to urinate since the beer he took was manifesting in his system and it was in the washroom where he realised he had made a big mistake. He got to know that the five cedis (1cedi notes) he intended to give out as offering was nicely folded in his left pocket and the last two hundred and fifty cedis(50cedis notes) was no longer in his right pocket. He started sweating all of a sudden and the alcohol in his system started clearing from his eyes immediately. His mind took a quick flashback tour and he quickly realized where the money was. Oh no!!! How could I be that careless to drop the two hundred and fifty cedis into the offering bowl instead of the five cedis I budgeted for? I have to go and get my money back before is too late. Opana goes back to the church and walks straight to the pulpit to confront the session clerk.

 

Opana

Excuse me sir, but there is a big mistake I did which am here to rectify.

Session Clerk

(puts the microphone off) Sir, please if there is a mistake or problem kindly wait for me to be done with my announcement so that I help you solve it.

Opana

No, my brother, this can’t wait, it is a serious matter which requires the needed urgency so please give me the attention I want now.

Pastor

(seeing what is going on makes a move to Opana and the clerk) Hello, my brother please is there a problem? Please tone down your voice so we solve this issue amicably.

Opana

Pastor there is a big and serious problem over here. When leaving the house to church this morning I planned on how I was going to do my spending over here and I intended to give an offering of five Ghana cedis which is five 1Ghana cedi notes which were in my left pocket but unfortunately, as we were asked to come forward and give the offering I mistakenly dipped my hand in the right pocket and took the last two hundred and fifty cedis which were five 50cedis note out and dropped it into the offering bowl. I just realised my mistake so I came for you to give me back the money so you take the five Ghana cedis rather.

Pastor

Hmmmm, my brother in Christ what you are requesting for can’t be possible, you see monies that come to the house of the Lord doesn’t go back even if what you are saying is true.

Opana

(raising his voice) This is nonsense, preposterous and catastrophic. how can you tell me this and what do you expect my family to eat this evening with the money in your custody? You better say something reasonable here before I start dirtying myself here and now. Let me first sound this caution to you people that I don’t respect myself a single bit and if you don’t treat this matter respectably and professionally erh, this place will not be big enough to contain us.

Akua Yankey

(seeing what is going on makes a move to her husband) My dear please tone down your voice and tell me what the problem is because you are creating a scene here in the church.

Opana

Nonsense!!! You better stay out of this before I channel my anger on you. You are telling me that trying to retrieve my money is a scene? Wait and see what will happen here if I don’t get my money.

Pastor

My brother please calm down for we are in the house of the Lord and in the house of the Lord there is peace, harmony, love and order. So kindly calm down so we get to the bottom of this issue.

Opana

If there is peace, love, harmony and order as you say, then please let me have my money and go to my house in peace for you to continue with your order of service. I don’t want to be seen as a trouble maker because am a law-abiding citizen.

Pastor

How sure are you that, you even dropped that money in question into the offering bowl and not somewhere else?

Opana

Excuse me, sir? What are you trying to insinuate? Do you see me as a gold digger or what? Go to where the money has been placed and check through it if you won’t see five 50cedis note folded together in the offering bowl. Please don’t make this simple matter any big issue for people to see me differently because that money in there has some important things to do.

Pastor

My brother as I  earlier on said to you that in the house of the Lord, monies that come here don’t go back to the owner again. This could be a covenant between you and God for him to elevate you higher and open closed doors for you. This could be a blessing in disguise so hold your faith and trust in the Lord.

Opana

What do you mean pastor? Do I have to go into an unplanned covenant with God before he opens closed doors for me? Are you not aware that doing good or giving something that doesn’t come from your heart to God is a sin and rather brings curses upon your life? The bible even makes it clear that heaven suffers violent and if I try to use a matured means of dialogue to retrieve my money and it fails, I will use force then. Am a very fucking and silly man inside so please respect yourself and get my money for me before I start doing my rough things here.

Akua Yankey

My love, you are embarrassing me and the children here, please stop this and let us go home.

Opana

I will slap you if you don’t keep quiet and stay out of this matter. All these negative things that are happening today am holding you responsible for it. I failed to read the signs that came before me this morning when that foolish boy splashed the muddy water on me. I was supposed to stay home without even moving out of the house to any place. Now pastor for the last time I will urge you to take my simple plea and release my money for me quietly or else you will see the very bad side of me which you will not like.

The church auditorium had by now been thrown into a frenzy mood where some people had started gossiping whiles others were murmuring.  Michael and Bernice Ansah who were feeling embarrassed at that moment joined their mum to confront their dad so they persuade him from creating any further scene in the church auditorium.

 

Michael Ansah

Papa, can you please calm down a bit, look at the number of people around that you are doing this? We can solve this matter quietly without stepping on any toes or making noise.

Pastor

God bless you my son for your wise counsel but the truth is that the money is with the Lord now and we can’t do anything about it now to get the money back.

Opana

Thunder fire you there, pastor, where and when did God come in to take the money the members of this church just contributed? Is God a bank or an accountant that he now keeps money that is raised in the church? You see the evil ways of man? Have you people thought of the reason why the church is not opened 24hours and the police station is always opened 24/7?

 The place that we Christians will run for refuge has now rather turned into a place of deceit and evil doing and for me, I won’t stand for my fellow man to cheat me. If I don’t get my money now, hell will break loose right away.

Meanwhile, Agnes Kyerewaa has also made a call to someone and she is about to meet the person, I know her plan is diabolic but who could this person be?

Episode 28

At the Meeting Joint:

Unknown Person

My goodness!!! What happened to your pretty face Aggie?

Agnes Kyerewaa

Thanks for meeting me even at this short notice my guy. I will go straight to the point so I don’t waste your time. I want you and your boys to deal with someone for me. That stupid person is the one who has caused damage to my face for no just reason.

Unknown Person

You haven’t answered my question my sweet potato?

Agnes Kyerewaa

I was assaulted by some foolish guy in the house I stay, he is actually the landlord’s son.

Unknown Person

Is he mad? Did he smoke the shit of a wee smoker? Doesn’t he know the battalion you have behind you? Doesn’t he know the people you roll with? Doesn’t he know the family you come from? Doesn’t he want to live long on this earth? Even if no one is willing to fight for you, I alone will stand and fight for you to the very last drop of my blood. I will pill this guy’s skin off his body for him to know who he has messed up with. I will pluck his eyeballs from its socket and mash his balls with my bare hands.

Agnes Kyerewaa

I trust you and I know what you can do. I initially reported the case to my uncle the police commander and he immediately sent his boys to arrest him but within a little time, he was released because my uncle claims a call came from above so he had to release him or else he was going to lose his job.

Unknown Person

Then, he is really connected but all the same I don’t work under anyone so don’t worry my darling. You have a case to pursue and am going to lead the battalion for this diabolic mission. Do you want him dead or you want him to be confined in a wheelchair the rest of his miserable life?

Agnes Kyerewaa

Mmmm, I haven’t thought of that yet but hmmmm…….

Unknown Person

Is there any problem again?

Meanwhile, tension in the church had also gone up because of the way Opana was screaming in the and the service had been thrown into a moment of disarray and pandemonium. Some were in support of him whiles others thought he was overreacting and that even if what he was saying is true he could have left everything in the hands of God.

 

Session Clerk

So what are you going to achieve with what you are doing over here? Why don’t you take your time so we find a solution to your problem sir?

Pastor

Mr Session Clerk, don’t even go there because none of us here can go back to the office and take a cedi out of the money so Mr Ansah please understand what am telling you and God will bless you.

Opana

Today, I have come to understand what people say about Christians being wicked is very true. I mistakenly dropped the money my family is going to depend on for the days ahead and you a man of God is standing right in front of me telling me to leave it to God who is resting somewhere in heaven that I should forget it and use it as a covenant between I and God. If I may ask how much offering did you give yourself as a man of God, say it for everybody here to hear and make sure you don’t lie because you are standing in the house of God.

Pastor

I don’t need to tell anyone here the money I used as offering to God. It is a great sin to disclose the content of things you do for God and the bible says we shouldn’t allow our left hand to see the things the right-hand does.

Opana

You see your life man of God, you people wear this clerical to deceive people who want to know and serve God better. Today this is how heaven is going to suffer violence in this church auditorium.

Opana uses force to enter the office where the offering money was been counted and as he entered he went to the table the money was been counted on and immediately saw his money nicely folded together in the money, he picks the money and shows it to the people that he only came for his money and after, he dropped the 1Ghana cedi notes on the table and tells the people counting the money that here is his planned offering for the day. The pastor and the clerk who followed him into the office watched him like he just rose from the dead and when he passed by them he made a funny comment.

Opana

As you can see I have taken my own money and placed my intended offering into what they are counting. If you don’t like my money too you can tell me so I go back for that money too. You wanted my family and I to starve this evening but I say to you that the devil is a liar and a failure, all he planned didn’t work out and for your information am taking a very long leave for myself in this church.

Pastor

Am afraid to even let you add your money to the church offering, who knows what you will do next?

Opana

Oh, so my money is now bomb, erh? Hey, young lady get me my money so I leave this place. I can do something meaningful with this money later.

Opana walks out of the auditorium insulting the church leaders for being greedy and inconsiderate. On his way going home, he met a beggar on the way who pleaded with him to help him with something small so he can buy food with it.

Beggar

Please sir, am very hungry, can you please help me with something small to buy kenkey, even if no fish I will eat it just like that. I haven’t eaten any food since yesterday morning and am feeling very weak inside out. Am begging you, sir

Opana

(feeling reluctant but gives in) Hmmm, how sure am I that when I give you this money you will truly use it for the purpose you are begging for? I don’t have much on me but there is this money that the church rejected, I know it’s not enough but manage it. (hands over the 1cedi notes to the beggar)

Beggar

Thank you very much, sir, amongst the numerous people I met and pleaded with, no one gave me a pesewa but for you, you have given me more than enough. I don’t know how to thank you enough but my God will bless you abundantly and make you and your descendants great and strong.

Opana

Amen!!! I receive it in the mighty name of God. May God be with you. (walks away from the beggar)

Beggar

Mmmm, please sir, wait a little while for me to ask you something.

Opana

(whispering to himself) Hope you are not coming to demand for anything extra?

Beggar

Well, the truth is that I want to ask for a favour from you but first I want to ask if you believe in God?

Opana

Yes, I do believe in God as the one true God who has the whole world in his hands.

Beggar

That is very good, I have something for you but there are some rules and regulations guiding it. You have been good to me so I also want to reciprocate and also make you a very successful man, but I must emphasise on this, that until the day you make a move, my instruction is over, you don’t have to be angry or rude towards anyone or else you will lose everything you stand the chance of gaining to the person you were rude to. Here take this chain with this cross locket, when you are going to sleep in the evening put it under your pillow and when you wake up, give it to the person you want him or her to excel in life like the richest person in this country. Anything you see in your dream or when you wake up, invest all the money you have on you that day in it and please don’t forget my instructions, because if you do then you are to blame yourself.

Opana

Thank you very much, I will go by your rules and regulations. This is the best gift a stranger has ever given to me. Thank you very much.

The beggar leaves Opana’s sight and he also proceeds to his house. When he got home the first thing he did was to check if the bicycle he seized was safe at the place he locked it and when he was convinced that the bicycle was safe he went inside his room to take a nap. His family came back to the house but no one dared to raise the issue of the unhealthy event that took place in the church auditorium that morning in the house. Akua Yankey and her children put together their efforts and before 5 pm supper was ready. Opana was called from his sleep to come and enjoy his favourite Sunday fufu with bush meat but as he was enjoying his supper a heavy knock came through the front door of his house. When Kwaku Mike went to check who was there, you won’t believe who was standing out there with an angry face and mood…

Edited By:

Yvie Opokua

THE COFFIN MAKER

THE WRITER

I am Akoto Adjei Alexander, a Christian. A product of Abetifi Presbyterian Senior High School, Abetifi-Kwahu. I am in my late 20’s and the last born of the boys my parent brought to earth. I am a fiction/scriptwriter who loves to write about nature and the realities of life. Furthermore, I do a little of Graphics Design, I do MC’ing of events somethings, a Motivational Speaker and a Relationship Talk Expert. 

[stextbox id=”info” caption=”JOIN US ON DISCUSSION“]

Do you want to join other fans to discuss the story you read here?

Learn lessons and chat with others on our WhatsApp Discussion Page.

Click here to join KLEVER WHATSAPP STORY DISCUSSION GROUP

[/stextbox] [insert-comment-form] [insert-comment-form]