ALEXANDER AKOTO ADJEI
THE COFFIN MAKER
EPISODE 81-83
Chapter 81
Mike dresses up in a space of 30 seconds just like a soldier man who is late for the morning parade. He checks his pocket to see if he had taken everything he brought on him as he came to Julia’s end, and when he was convinced that he had everything on him, he left the room. He leaves the door slightly opened as he left the door because he wasn’t sure if Julia took with her the door card, and when he got to the corridor, he was left at a crossroad as to whether to use the elevator or the stairs. He moved to the elevator finally and as he pressed on the regulatory bottom of the elevator, he realised it was engaged. All of a sudden, he started feeling a strangling on his neck which gave him the indication that trouble was just around the corner. He started looking around to check if someone was coming his way in the corridor. No one was on the corridor as he looked at both sides, and looking at the indication bar on the elevator, the lift was just two floors before it got to the floor he was. His instincts told him to boycott the use of the elevator and rather use the staircase, and immediately he took his first step on the staircase, the elevator door opened and Ginola and his guys came out of the elevator. They walked straight to Julia’s suite and to their utmost surprise, the door was slightly opened, so they entered without any difficulty. They realised the TV was on, and when they checked the room, there was no one in the suite. After checking every part of the room and not seeing anyone in there, Ginola decided to check the balcony to see if possibly the person they were looking for is trying to catch the night breeze out there, but he was disappointed to see the place empty. He threw his eyes down the compound of the hotel and to his greatest surprise, he saw Mike walking to the main gate of the hotel. He smiled and gnashed his teeth while he snapped his finger. Ginola walked back into the suite and told the guys to move out and make sure they don’t leave any trace of their intruding into that room. He told the guys as they entered into the elevator that they were late for their target because the person they were searching for was at the entrance of the hotel as they got into the suite.
Back at the Conference Room:
Boss:
Lady and Gentlemen, let me welcome you once again to this very important meeting, and with me here is Lady Julia. She…
Lady T:
Albert, cut the pleasantries because none of us is having that time. Young lady, let me throw this caution and advice to you. First, don’t you ever in your silly life keep me waiting for this long again because every second that passes, I lose thousands of dollars if am not doing anything productive with my time. Secondly, in life, if you wish to accomplish something, you must learn to be time-conscious and always learn to be punctual and precise. You can choose to take my advice or not…the choice is yours.
Black Angel:
Very well said Lady Terror, and to add to what she has said young lady, look at the faces sitting here carefully and you will realise that we are all qualified to be your father or mother. We couldn’t have gotten to where we are now if we took things for granted. One of the biggest risks in our line of business is to have a meeting such as what is ongoing. For us to accept to be under one roof at the same time is a life and death matter, so next time, if you are privileged to bring something to us, kindly be here at least 40 minutes before we get here. Do I make myself clear?
Julia:
(nods her head before answering) I hear you loud and clear.
Lady T:
The cheek of it…you equally have an attitude to display to us too. Albert kindly inform your partner in Las Vegas that, the next time he wants to do business with me, he shouldn’t send someone like ‘this thing’ to inform us or convey it down here. No girl of my daughter’s age can bluff me, after all, the consignment is not being given to me for free or on credit bases!
Karl Simpson:
Please I beg of you guys to ceasefire; we have been throwing words about and blaming ourselves for some time now which has not yielded any fruit. Over here is the conveyor of the product, so please let’s get down to business and accept the apology of the young lady because, every single minute that passes, our lives are very much at risk here and we are also losing money!
Boss:
So then, do I have the floor now and can I continue with my speech?
Lady T:
If you won’t continue you can stand there for us to watch you like a statue.
Karl Simpson:
That is a bit harsh Lady Terror, please Albert kindly continue and don’t take things personal here. You know the nature of our work when tempers go up, so take it as an occupational hazard.
Boss:
As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by Lady Terror, with me here is Lady Julia and she is representing our partners from Las Vegas. She spearheaded the mission of bringing into this country the biggest consignment any carrier could smuggle into this country. Now I hand over the platform to her to take us through what she brought. Lady Julia over to you.
Julia:
Thanks very much Sir Albert. First of all, I want to apologise for my lateness to this meeting and also to let you know that, my coming here late wasn’t intentional. Actually, I wasn’t given the information early enough and secondly if I wasn’t time-conscious, my boss wouldn’t employ me to be here in the first place, so I would like everyone here to respect and accept my apology.
Lady T:
(gives a very big hiss) Mtcheeeeeeeew, as if I care! You are addressed by the way you are dressed. If you can’t impress me for the first time with your appearance, then nothing on earth that you do will be appealing to me.
Karl Simpson:
Lady Terror please keep calm, for it looks like you are overreacting now. Albert and the young lady herself have apologised for her lateness, so why are you dragging matters here? Please, time is not on our side, so let’s all co-operate and do this deal so that we go back to our respective houses. My dear please you have the floor so please continue.
Julia:
Before I was interrupted by Lady Terror, I was about to tell you of the highly amalgamated product we have brought into the system. With me here is the only product we have in Africa, and I am very proud to be the person to introduce and unveil it here this evening. You are going to be the sole agent and distributor of the product in Africa, so you can draw your distribution plan by yourself. I am done and the floor is opened for any further questions or interactions.
Black Angel:
What are the ingredients that you put together to come out with this new product?
Julia:
I am not obliged to talk about that Sir. You can place a call through to my boss and I believe he will gladly answer your question.
Lady T:
I said it, this girl has an attitudinal problem! You think we don’t know your boss is there when my colleague decided to ask you that simple question? I don’t like too known and bossy people at all.
Boss:
With this I will not be on the same side with you Lady Terror. I don’t think you peddlers and pushers have ever been told the active ingredients involved in producing your highly demanded products.
Lady T:
I haven’t told them because none of them has ever bothered to ask me what is involved in bringing the product out.
Karl Simpson:
Hey, so you mean if any of your distributors ask you, you will tell them how you managed to prepare your product? My dear that will be the end of us then, and don’t you know when they discover that no one will do business with us again?
Lady T:
HahahahaI I am surprised you people are saying this. Lemme tell you one thing, and that is, “cheap things sell but quality things last”. When you get to Abossey-Okai spare parts market, a lot of people sell over there, but by the close of the day, everyone gets what he or she deserves to take home. You people call yourselves businessmen, but you don’t know how to run business. See, we are dealing with black men and they are the greediest people I know on planet earth.
Black Angel:
Lady T, what are you trying to insinuate?
Lady T:
You guys should relax for me to teach you the rules of the game. See, the black man will always be greedy and always pretend to be fast, but we will always lose to the white man. Oh yes, I knew all of you will frown at my statement but when I am done, you will straighten your face up and start clapping for me. Now, take the canned drink you have in front of you, and read the side where they have listed the ingredients they used in preparing it.
Black Angel:
But what has a canned drink got to do with your explanation or the deal we are doing here?
Boss:
Blackie, please do as she has instructed you to do.
Black Angel:
Nutritional information for 330ml:
Energy 35,5kcal – 1.8%, Sugar 8,9g – 9.9%, Fats 0g – 0%, Proteins 0g – 0%, Salt 0,01g – 1%.
Ingredients:
Carbonated water, Sugar, Acidifier, Citric acid, Orange flavour, Preservative, Sweetener, Colourings, Sodium benzoate, Vitamins.
Lady T:
Are you done with the mineral composition or ingredients used in preparing the drink?
Black Angel:
Yes I am done, so what next?
Lady T:
If I get you the items or ingredients you just mentioned, can you prepare the same canned drink in front of you?
Black Angel:
Hell no! I didn’t study Biochemistry and that is not my job.
Lady T:
Then hold it right there, because you just stated the point I wanted to make. Even though the factory or company which produced the drink have stated the active ingredients that they used to prepare this drink, none of us have bothered to imitate the product because if we do, we will get it wrong, and we will not make any profit. And if God doesn’t intervene, we will be arrested for selling bad products to consumers.
Boss:
So, what are you trying to insinuate right now Lady T?
Lady T:
I mean to say the black man is wicked and greedy. When we try to open up a bit to the suppliers or peddlers, some will try to play smart and come out with their own products, but they will flop because they can’t come out with a quality product like what we have here. The greedy ones will go in for theirs since theirs might be cheaper than ours. With this, when they see the bad product they have purchased, they will come back running to us and with this, we will raise the price of our product because they want “quality and not quantity”. This is what I want all of us to know.
Karl Simpson:
(claps his hand for Lady T) Woooow, what a brilliant idea! This has never come to mind in our previous discussions. What a magnificent and great ideology! You are very right with the point you just brought on board, but how do we convey this news to them?
Lady T:
See, I don’t open my mouth just like that, and before I say anything, then it means I have done my underground and background checks and investigations properly. I know how to make everyone bow to me and do as I have instructed or commanded. I will brief you later since we don’t have much time here.
Boss:
That was a nice presentation Lady T, and I believe everyone here has enjoyed your brief lecture. Now Julia, tell us the way forward as to how we will go about things.
Julia:
Thank you Sir. What I have in my hand weights 1kg, and it is worth $1.1million. It is only the rich that can afford to buy it and use it raw, but for the rest, they have to buy the mixed one.
Black Angel:
Mixed one? What do you mean by that?
Julia:
Good question Black Angel. You see, the old product that has been there for years…you think it has no value, and this is the time to see its value. You will only add two teaspoons to 1kg of the old product, then you mix it together so you get a uniformed mixture. The old product that you were thinking it has expired or has lost its potency, is now three times stronger and more powerful than it was some years back. You can then repackage it into smaller containers or whatever things you have.
Boss:
Ah this is good news then. I know now why your boss told me that my face will beam with excitement as soon as this meeting is over. Indeed, this is the best news I have heard in the last two months. Scorpion, bring that junky here so he sniffs the product to give us a confirmation.
Scorpion leaves the conference room, and in a few minutes time, he walks in with someone whose face had been blindfolded. He leads him to the centre of the Conference Room, and then pours a little content of the product on a small board. He then comes back to the blindfolded person. He slaps him twice; takes the blindfold off, and then hands over the board to him. Upon seeing the content on the board, the junky starts laughing, but Scorpion orders him to quickly sniff the product on the board, else he will take the board from him. Quickly, the junky sniffs the product into his head and in some few seconds, he falls down and starts acting strange, as his body vibrates like a Nokia 3310 on the floor.The Conference Room by now had been thrown into a quiet mood that, even if a feather falls down, you could hear the sound and know the direction it fell. Everyone in the Conference Room had his eyes cast on this junky, as he fell down and his body kept vibrating. All of a sudden, the junky jumps on his feet and starts to laugh again, and as his mouth drools with saliva, everyone claps his hand as the junky’s performance proves to them that the product was a great stuff from a genuine site.
Back at Quincy’s End:
Quincy:
Ah Mike has kept long paaa ooo, and he didn’t tell me he was going to stay out that long. I am also not having airtime to call him to find out if he will sleep over or he will come back. Well, let me take advantage of his absence to observe closely the things Julia bought for him. (starts to inspect the cameras, then a heavy knock comes from the door. Fear creeps into him as he moves to check who is at the door)
Who do you think could be at the door?
Do you think Mike’s life could still be in danger?
Episode 82
Quincy:
(whispering in a low tone) Who is there and who are you looking for?
The person behind the door keeps mute and bangs at the door again and this time, it is louder than the first one.
Quincy:
(tip toe to the kitchen and grabs a frying pan and baking roller and then comes back to the door and whispers) Who is there and who are you looking for?
Quincy’s mobile phone starts to ring and immediately he dips his hand into his pocket and brings the phone out without checking who the caller is.
On Phone:
Quincy:
(in a low tone) Please who is on the line?
Michael Ansah:
Herh are you sleeping or you have taken tramadol volume 1200 mg? Can’t you recognise my number or voice again?
Quincy:
Jack you are calling at the wrong time. There is someone by the door knocking violently at it and I am sensing danger, so I am taking cover before the person enters.
Michael Ansah:
Whaaaat? Do you by any chance know how many people who are behind the door?
Quincy:
(still in a low tone) If I knew their number will I be this scared? How would I know their number when I am inside the room and they are outside? My friend, we will talk later, as this is a wrong time to be on the phone. If you come to meet my dead body later, tell Maabena that I love and cherish her so much.
Michael Ansah:
Don’t worry bro. for I am almost in the house, and no one or nothing can harm you.
Quincy:
(still in a low tone) Be there and be speaking English…you are there and I am here. “He who feels it, knows it”. I am suspecting the guys who came here the previous night looking for you. Perhaps they have gotten to know that I lied to them the other time. God you know I have lived a clean life all this year, and I have never coveted what belonged to my neighbour. I went to church when the need came. It’s only my tithe that I didn’t pay frequently and this is because I am not working. Please God, with this looming attack, please divert it to another direction and let this death pass me by. I will serve you diligently and will not miss a Sunday service even if I am sick or not having money on me.
Michael Ansah:
Quincy are you praying or what?
Quincy:
Jack let me be, I will talk to you later if I don’t die by the end of this encounter. I love you bro.
Before Mike could say anything, the line had gone off.
Michael Ansah:
(speaking to himself) Should I involve the police in this or what? Driver please step on the accelerator because my brother’s life is in danger back at home and if I don’t get there on time, I will only meet his corpse.
Driver:
Boss I am already driving on a top speed so what again do you want me to do? Do you now want me to put it on a flying gear?
Michael Ansah:
Burger you are very rude papa, no wonder, you are just a mere taxi driver!
Driver:
If you claim you are a rich person, why are you not driving in your own V8? If you don’t keep quiet behind me, I will divert the car into the bush and you will see what will happen to you.
Michael Ansah:
Oh, is that so? You think the juju that you drivers have gone in for we don’t know erh? If you like, try any nonsense and you will see what will happen to your sorry ass. Do you know where I come from and the herbs that have been used to bathe me? Do you know the concoction that I have drunk into my system and do you know how many marks I have on me from native doctors? Don’t let me do something to you that I will regret later.
Driver:
Oh boss why, don’t you know how to play? I was only joking ooo. See, I love my life more than anything else. I have four wives and eleven children who are all boys, so if I die, who will take care of them? I just saw another young girl that I want to marry and make her my fifth wife. I know with her, she can give me female children. That is why I am working day and night so I can raise money for her customary rites.
Michael Ansah:
Are you listening to yourself? How old are you and is the car for you?
Driver:
Boss I am only 39 years of age and the car is not mine, but I hope it will be mine someday.
Michael Ansah:
Are you aware you are greedy and self-centred? How can one man marry 4 wives and want more, and you think God will be happy with you?
Driver:
Hahahaaaa you paaa, do you know how happy God is with me in heaven? I am a Muslim and my religion gives me the right to marry more than one wife. Again, doesn’t your bible say that we should give birth like the sea sand? What I am doing rather will decrease the lesbianism rate in this country. Have you ever heard of gays or lesbians in the Islamic countries? You dare not try to practice that stupid act like, else your life will be taken away from you. What made God destroy Sodom and Gomora?
Michael Ansah:
Hmmmmm this an interesting debate but unfortunately, I have gotten to my destination. I will alight at where that lady is standing.
Driver:
The lady standing there looks very familiar; she looks like my madam ooo.
Michael Ansah:
(looking carefully at the lady) Oh she is also my girlfriend with whom I will be walking down the aisle very soon.
Driver:
Allah walahi! Boss I beg, don’t tell her how I misuse her car or else she will take her car key away from me, and if I lose my job, I wouldn’t know how I will take care of my wives and eleven children.
Michael Ansah:
You see how selfish and greedy you are! You think the car is a machine so it doesn’t also get tired?. As you are misusing the car, if it breaks down, how will you feed your football team family? How much sales do you do in a day for her?
Driver:
Boss I do GHC70.00 for her in a day, but she prefers I do it weekly.
Michael Ansah:
Who does the maintenance on the car when it develops fault?
Driver:
I do it with my money and then she pays me later when I bring the invoice and receipt of the workmanship and the parts that were bought for the maintenance.
Michael Ansah:
Wicked man! From today, you will incur that cost when the car develops any fault and you will only work on one shift of the day. I won’t tell your madam but I will be watching you from afar. Again let me inform you that, I did a recording of our interesting conversation. Now, stop the car right here. How much is my fare or bill?
Driver:
Oh boss, how can I charge you for bringing you home? Please let it be.
Michael Ansah:
Nonsense, don’t you buy fuel? Do you drive with water in your tank? Are you trying to bribe me or what? I have given you my word and I won’t go against it. Do the right thing at the right place and at the right time, and you will love your life and Ghana as a whole. Take this advice from a good citizen and not a spectator. (hands over two GHC10.00 notes to the driver and alights from the car)
Driver:
Thank you very much boss.
Henrietta Barnor:
Adamu what are you doing here by this time of the day?
Driver:
Errrrrrm Madam, I came to drop a passenger.
Henrietta Barnor:
And are you doing a night shift or what?
Driver:
(scratches his head) Yes Madam I am doing a night shift. I didn’t work in the morning so I want to work small so I can get you your sales by the end of the week.
Henrietta Barnor:
My goodness! My dad always says, “a liar has no memory”. Were you not the one who picked me from the house to town this morning and brought me back in the afternoon? Didn’t I pay you? Wasn’t I standing there when another person hired you to Tema Harbour?
Driver:
Madam you paid me but when I dropped you and left your place with the man, the car developed a fault. When I took it to the service centre, the amount they charged me after fixing the car took all the money I made, so I wanted to work small so I can get something for you and my family.
Henrietta Barnor:
Family? Didn’t you tell me your parents and siblings are late?
Michael Ansah:
My dear, let’s go in because I doubt if you are ready to hear the answer that will follow.He said he is working on the night shift, so he can render a proper account to you by the end of the week. Maybe this time around, he wants to cater for the servicing fee or coach Adamu I dey lie?
Driver:
You are very right my boss.
Henrietta Barnor:
I am sensing some foul play somewhere, and I promise you I will get to the bottom of this.
Michael Ansah:
Let’s go in my dear, for my brother is in danger back in the room. Coach Adamu we shall meet again very soon.
Henrietta Barnor:
What is wrong with your brother? I have been here for quite some time now, and I knocked at the door several times but no one opened the door, so I left to get a taxi back home since I didn’t inform any of you that I will be coming over.
Michael Ansah:
Really? Hope these hoodlums haven’t murdered my brother already ooo.
Henrietta Barnor:
Murdered? How and why would they do that? God please don’t let what we are thinking come to pass, we beg of you my saviour. Mike the way this place is quiet, I am a bit scared ooo, should I call the police?
Michael Ansah:
Herty honestly, I am equally scared but wait, don’t call the police yet. Hide under the staircase as I go to the top. When you hear the sound of me whistling three times, then it means call the police but if you hear it twice then I want you to join me upstairs. Do I make myself clear?
Henrietta Barnor:
(draws close to Mike and plants a short soft kiss on his lips) Please take care of yourself and make sure nothing bad happens to you my dear.
Michael Ansah:
(looking very surprise after getting the kiss) Herty did you just plant a kiss on my lips? Do you mind doing that one more time for it to boost my confidence.
Henrietta Barnor:
(in a low tone) Hey your brother is waiting for your help up there. Just keep yourself safe and I promise to give you more when you return.
Michael Ansah:
Are you sure you are not deceiving me? I don’t like promise and fail ooo.
Henrietta Barnor:
Where I come from, we don’t go against our words or promises. Now, go and help your brother for he needs your help before it’s too late.
Mike grabs a coca cola bottle that he sees lying down and gives a heavy breath. He looks at Henrietta with a burning desire and he takes steps to the staircase. He tiptoes to the top and gets to the door of Quincy. He holds the door handle to open it but he realises the door is locked, so he moves to a place where a spare key has been hidden and was lucky he gets the key. He moves back to the door and inserts the key in, turns the knob and the door opens. He pushes himself in with a force and Quincy slams the door behind him and throws the frying pan at Mike which hits his forehead. In self-defence, he also throws the coca cola bottle and it hits the forehead of Quincy. Funny enough, they all scream ‘aaaaajei’ at the same time and they sit on the floor.
Michael Ansah:
Is that you Quincy my brother?
Quincy:
Yes that is me, and is it you Kwaku Mike my brother?
Michael Ansah:
Can’t you recognise my voice any more? See how you threw that thing at me! My head is even aching me right now.
Quincy:
Oh, you mean the frying pan? Abi you also threw something at me which hit my forehead very hard and it has even started swelling.
Michael Ansah:
You mean the coca cola bottle I threw hit your forehead? Then it is one-one draw my brother. Now, where are the people who wanted to attack you, because I was very ready for a serious fight if I came to meet them here? The way I am charged up erh, I can fight a whole battalion, and I will not even feel I have done anything. Oooh I say where are they, because no one steps on the tail of the cobra and goes away free.
Quincy:
I don’t know where they went ooo my brother. I am sure they got scared when I told them to come in and face me.
Michael Ansah:
My brother I know you very well, are you sure you told them that? How can you ask someone to come into your room when you have locked the door?
Quincy:
You too how do you fight a whole battalion without getting tired? You told a lie and I also told mine so why are you taking it personal?
Michael Ansah:
Who said I have taken it personal? Let me put on the light so I can check how bad my injury is. And hey, what did you throw at me like that?
Quincy:
(walks to a big mirror on the wall) You will see it when you switch on the light.
Michael Ansah:
(screams when the light is switched on and he saw what was thrown at him) Holy Mary the mother of Jesus Christ! Quincy, how could you be so wicked to throw a whole frying pan at me? What came over you?
Quincy:
You are even lucky I didn’t throw the roller in my hand rather. How would I know it was you and I was only defending myself because they say “the best way to attack is to defend”. You equally threw a bottle at me and look at the way my forehead has swollen. But for those people if they had made a mistake and walked in here eh, like they will smell hot pepper.
Michael Ansah:
(holding his forehead) Jack, are you sure some group of people came here at all? From my calculations, I believe you got something wrong here. I will get to the bottom of this matter right here and now. (blows a whistle twice)
Henrietta Barnor:
(walks in shortly and sees the face of the guys in the room) Hey what is going on here with you guys? Your foreheads have swollen like Kwahu mountain. Did you bump into each other or what?
Michael Ansah:
Ask again my dear. This idiot here threw that thing at me when I entered the room.
Quincy:
Hey hold it there you cheat! Won’t you also add yours to it? See, he also threw that coca cola bottle at me which hit my forehead as well so it’s a one-one draw thing.
Henrietta Barnor:
Guys so where are the people who came here to attack Quincy?
Michael Ansah:
Thank you for that brilliant question. Now Oga I beg, oya answer her now now now.
Quincy:
Don’t be silly my friend. I was inside and they were outside, so how would I know where they passed?
Henrietta Barnor:
Mmmmm if I may ask, what time did those people come to your end?
Quincy:
About 25 or 30 minutes ago.
Michael Ansah:
That was around the time you called me, right?
Quincy: Exactly so; I was standing behind the door when I made that call.
Henrietta Barnor:
Ah I was around by that time. If I am not wrong, I was by your door around that same time knocking, but I didn’t see anyone or group of people around. I knocked several times but no one came out, so I went to the roadside to see if I could get a taxi back to my house, because I didn’t inform you guys that I will be coming over.
Michael Ansah:
Herty how many times did you knock on the door?
Henrietta Barnor:
About two or three times before I gave up.
Michael Ansah:
(gives a very loud laugh) Hahahahaaaa my goodness, Jesus come and see Christ!. Awwwww power boy, so all the bragging and the last minute Apostles Creed you recited was for nothing?. See you are a………
Quincy:
Hey what was this laughter for?
Episode 83
Michael Ansah:
Why won’t I laugh at you Mr Hercules? Can’t you see the reason why I am laughing at you blockhead? With the narration and scenario here, can’t you read in-between the lines?
Quincy:
What are you trying to insinuate here Jack?
Michael Ansah:
If you analyse, calculate, tabulate and equate the narration you gave and what Herty said, it is the same. I mean to say she was the one who came to knock but not any hoodlums or bad people.
Quincy:
Hey tell me you are kidding me my guy, because I don’t believe what you are saying Kwaku Mike. Herty, tell me what he just said is not true?
Henrietta Barnor:
(smiling and nodding her head) I am sorry to disappoint you, but it seems what he is saying is very true. I am sorry if the way I knocked caused any fear and panic at your end. I never meant to scare you and cause you to recite the Apostles Creed or any such thing.
Quincy:
Aaaaaah Herty, so it was you that nearly called for my blood pressure to go up like that? Herh, if it had not been you and it happened to be anyone else eh, like the person will see the other side of me paaaa. I nearly urinated on myself when the knocking went on ooo and if there was any other exit in this room like I would have used it.
Michael Ansah:
See mumu, John boy! When you see women, then you go about doing ‘guy guy’ and be flexing your muscles because you are fine boy. This small drill and you were freaking out like a chicken which has escaped a 25th December chase. Do you know how aggressive you made me look when your call came through? The way I psyched myself up to fight erh, like I will beat them like a father and sons affair. Herh like I will whip them like class one children, in fact, like I will so deal with them in a way that even when they see a man coming their way, they will run in fear. Oooh Quincy, you have activated my fighting hormones. See the way my body is shaking and vibrating.
Quincy:
My friend shut that door you call your mouth up. I heard how your voice was shaking when I called to inform you of the attack. You were confused and didn’t know what word to even use. You are bragging because you are in front of a very beautiful damsel.
Henrietta Barnor:
Hahahahaha you guys are very funny. You are behaving like Kwaku Manu and Nkansah Lil Wayne. Honestly Mike, you looked scared though and you even confessed to me that you were scared when we got to this compound.
Michael Ansah:
Oh that one is just a jail man’s tactics. I did that to gain sympathy from your end, and you also gave it to my satisfaction. Don’t forget your promise though, but on a more serious note, don’t raise any false alarm like this again. I nearly called the police to come in and assist us when you called, and I am glad my instincts told me to hold on for some time if not, like their coming here would have been in vain.
Henrietta Barnor:
It’s true ooo because if Mike had not restricted me, I believe I would have also placed a call through to the police. Now please get me some ice cubes, so I can take care of your swollen foreheads or should I say ‘torchlights’? Hahahaha and I now know I am covered by your insurance so I fear no man who will try to abuse or intimidate me.
Michael Ansah:
Abi you know dada my dear. For you, I think you had the chance to see a little show of mine. You saw my Anthony Joshua show the other night or should I say Floyd Maywheather rather?
Quincy:
You can call it Mike Tyson or Lenox Lewis or even Azumah Nelson. My friend, go and get the ice cubes from the freezer, while I search for any hot ointment in the first aid kit. But hey, the machine Julia brought is very fresh and sophisticated paaa ooo. I can’t wait to start using them and giving the best pictures and quality soundtrack when we undertake any coverage.
Back at the Conference Room:
Boss:
Scorpion, take that junky out of our sight and make sure you give him enough food and also get him a lot of groundnuts to chew so that it flushes out the stuff fast from his system.
Red Lion:
Lady and Gentlemen, now that we have had a fruitful deliberation here, let’s think of the way to do the distributions because we all have to know our boundaries so that no one will invade another person’s territory.
Boss:
You are very right with the issue you just brought up. If I say I am going to do the allocation with my veto powers, someone might not be happy with what he or she might get, so I will suggest we cast a vote. Lady Julia here will be in-charge of the election. She will write the cardinal points on a paper, mix it and we do the picking. The place you pick will be your portion and you must respect and accept it. Nobody should blame or point fingers at anybody for what one will get or pick.
Lady T:
Well said Albert. This election must be free and fair without any favouritism or compassion.
Black Angel:
Where would that favouritism come from? It’s four slots so if you don’t get South, you might get West or possibly North or even East. With me I had a dream and vision that I will pick the paper which had the West territory written on it.
Red Lion:
(spits the water that he had just put in his mouth out) Hey if it is a dream, then you better wake up from it. Start thinking of how to handle the Northern sector and stop daydreaming about the West my friend.
Black Angel:
(slams his hand on the table) How dare you say that stupid thing to me you moron! Who are you to open that stupid thing you call your mouth and utter those ungodly and unkempt words to me here? How dare you talk that way to me!
Boss:
Take it easy Blackie. Why, do you have any personal score to settle with him? He just made a harmless statement and you don’t have to escalate it with such anger; except where there is a problem between you people that we don’t know of.
Red Lion:
I am surprised at the way Blackie is even reacting or is it because of that prostitute that is why you are reacting this way? Hey, I stopped banging her when you told me she was your meat, so why are you still harbouring that pain and anger in you?
Black Angel:
How dare you call my girlfriend a prostitute! If you don’t retract that stupid adjective you just qualified my girl with, I will deal with you here in a way that your face would be disfigured by my action.
Red Lion:
(raising his voice) Hey watch your mouth man! You think raising your voice will scare me erh? See, don’t let my cool and calm nature be like a sign of cowardice. My gentle dressing shouldn’t make you think that I am a gentleman and that I respect myself at all ooo. If that has been what you are thinking then Massa you have dialled the wrong number. See, all my life eh I have slept in slums and under bridges, so I have seen and being through it all. I have killed lots of people with my bare hands, so your tantrums and shouting won’t lead you anywhere. If you don’t know me very well, go and ask of me in the notorious slums we have in Accra, and find out for yourself the reason why I am called the Red Lion.
Lady T:
Enough of this bullshit! Do you think you people are still kids? If you want your muscles to intercept and show your manliness, I can book the Bukom Boxing Arena for you to go and settle your dispute there once and for all. Do you think I flew all the way here to listen to your silly night escapades? Do you know how much money I am losing every minute that passes by? You people should be ashamed and must bow your heads in a disgrace. If it’s girls you want, I can arrange some for you that, every day you will get three different varieties of women seven times in a week. Is it the Asian, Black American, Caribbean, African, Blonde, Albino, Red Indian, South American, Exotic, Big Boobs, Big Ass, Big Boobs and Ass Combined, Bulky, Slim Things or the Zebra Type? Just name your preference and at a snap of my finger, they will be at your disposal. One thing I hate is to see men fighting over a woman, when women are in abundance and can’t get men to ‘pepper’ them.
Red Lion:
Lady Terror for you, the unshakeable lady.
Lady T:
That is me.
Red Lion:
The one and only female player in the league of men.
Lady T:
It shall be well with you and your unborn generation.
Red Lion:
The evergreen young lady.
Lady T:
Yes no one but me.
Red Lion:
The stylish Mama.
Lady T:
That’s me, myself and I.
Red Lion:
The woman who never lost in town.
Lady T:
You know how I do it.
Red Lion:
The mother for all drug peddlers.
Lady T:
Say my name again my guy.
Red Lion:
The genesis to revelation in drug business.
Lady T:
Herh you shall live long to see your children’s children.
Red Lion:
The one and only drug baroness whose name never appears on the wanted list of the Police or Interpol.
Lady T:
I am the game changer and controller, so forget those men in black. When we were we, where were they?
Red Lion:
Lady Terror I throw salute
Lady T:
I take am soldier; carry on to Charlie checkpoint with an accelerated speed of 120km/h.
Red Lion:
The chocolistic mama.
Lady T:
That is me, numero uno. Any female who claims she owns this name is an imitation and I mean that person is FAKE in capital letters.
Karl Simpson:
(cuts in) It’s okay with these plenty accolades. Time is not our friend here you know. Let’s do this balloting and get out of here because, I am no longer comfortable with this meeting.
Lady T:
But you this local oyibo why? Can’t you see I was collecting my samba here with the accolades that were being rained on me? I can see you envy me. I wanted to give you a hardcore Jamaican lady to spend the night with, but with this gross misconduct, I have decided to have a rethink on that. You have the PHD spirit in your blood.
Karl Simpson:
PHD? What is that suppose to mean?
Lady T:
It means “Pull Him/Her Down”. As you came to live amongst us, that spirit has found its way into your system. See me in chambers and lemme cast that spirit out of you so that, you will be a free man once again, and when coming, come along with two barrels of olive oil.
Karl Simpson:
Two barrels? Why are you going to fry me in it?
Lady T:
No I will use it to fry kelewele. Nonsense, how dare you question what the spirits have instructed you to bring? Don’t you know that your problem has passed the “be careful limit”? You are riding in the “take your time zone” and you might crush very soon.
(everyone breaks down with laughter after that comment)
Boss:
Enough of the fight and funny comments. Let’s get down to business once again. Let’s do this balloting and leave this place to our various abodes. Lady Julia, I believe all is set at your end?
Lady Julia:
Certainly Sir. Please you can now come and pick your paper so you know which territory you will be operating from.
Everyone rises from his seat, approaches Julia and picks the paper of their choice. As everyone opens his or her paper, some frowned their faces, while others smile. In the end, Lady T gets to handle the Southern territory, Red Lion gets the Eastern territory, Black Angel gets the Northern territory and Karl Simpson gets the Western territory.
Black Angel:
This is preposterous, and I smell a rat here. You people intentionally played your cards together for me to get this zone. You know very well that nothing good comes from the Northern belt and you deliberately gave me that portion to handle. I won’t succumb to this cheating game you are playing.
Boss:
Hey Blackie, handle your emotions before you incur my wrath. Are you not the second person who picked up the paper? Did anyone choose for you or you selected the paper all by yourself? Why are you trying so hard to be the ’black sheep’ this evening?. Please respect yourself and start drawing a strategic plan on how you will get people to patronize the new product in the system. Learn to “brighten the corner where you are”. If you need help, you know you can always call on me for any assistance you require. On this note if there is nothing to discuss, I hereby call…….
Red Lion:
(cuts in) Boss before you draw the curtains down, my friend can interchange his territory with me if he so wants.
Black Angel:
My friend if you don’t have anything important doing, then you can find a very hard hide of the cow (wele) and make your mouth busy with it. Don’t call for my anger this evening ooo.
Boss:
Blackie I think I have had enough of your cacophonic and recalcitrant attitude. The balloting that took place here some minutes ago was very transparent and free from any favouritism or any merits. You better hold your emotions back before I descend heavily on you!
Black Angel:
I am keeping quite not because I fear any of you here or I am scared of your threats. You people have not seen or heard the last of me…I know what to do.
Lady T:
My friend shut up over there. I have kept mute for some time for you to display your arrogance and stupidity. If you don’t have much money to set up a strong and vibrant cartel at the Northern territory, why don’t you channel your grievance here so we can assist you in diverse ways? Stop behaving like a class one pupil. Another word from you and I will slap you with my heavy boobs.
Boss:
Hahahahaha, on this funny note, I hereby draw the curtains of this meeting down. Now Scorpion, bring the wine glasses and the special champagne I ordered from South Africa. We have to make merry for such a successful meeting. After drinking, then you guys can come in for the packages you ordered.
Scorpion and his boys brought wine glasses and the big champagne bottle and served everyone in the Conference Room. A toast to friendship, bigger business deals, good health and long life was made before everyone drank what he had in his or her glass.
Boss:
Scorpion is Ginola back?
Scorpion:
I think he is somewhere outside Boss.
Boss:
Get him for me right now and I mean now.
Lady T:
Blackie, you know after the rain, the sun will definitely shine and when a door closes on you another door opens. Sometimes it’s not what we want that we get, but it depends on how we treat it that our wants will be turned into needs. I will give you a special treat with some of my finest girls. There is this Caribbean girl whom I shipped in recently. Actually, I was preparing her for a big shark in the ruling government, but I will do you the honour of allowing you to ‘tear the rubber’ before I convey her to the big shark. Hope her services will calm your nerves down and give you the foresight to surge on with the herculean task ahead of you.
Scorpion and Ginola walk into the Conference Room to meet the Boss. The boss excuses himself from his business associate to meet his boys for a conversation.
Boss:
Have you conveyed that fool to the warehouse and I believe you did a clean job?
Ginola:
(fumbling with words) Boss I…Myself and the boys… We went to… I and the…When we…
Boss:
Will you stop this nonsense and start your statement from one point. Why do you act like an imbecile most at times? I asked you a very simple question and you are running your mouth like a fish that has been brought out of the water. Now talk for me to listen and make your statement very brief.
Ginola:
Boss when I and the boys got to the lady’s room, there was no sign of the guy I met in her room earlier on. We combed every corner of the room but we didn’t see him, and when I checked the balcony of the suite, I saw the guy almost at the main gate of the hotel.
Boss:
(cuts in with an angry voice) So what you are trying to say with this long speech is that you couldn’t apprehend that guy? You mean to tell me that, that stupid idiot outsmarted you? No, hold on! You mean to bring to my notice that you can’t be trusted with any mission I instruct you to embark on? Ginola or whatever you call yourself, you are a very big fool! You know what, hold your two ears and repeat after me that… I am a very big FOOL!!!
Ginola:
(holding his ears) I am a big fool.
Boss:
(slaps Ginola very hard) You idiot! Is that the exact words I used? Now repeat after me and add your name to it. Say I then your name then, I am a very big FOOL!!!.
Ginola:
(frowns while talking) I, Ginola, I am a very big FOOL!!!.
Boss:
Better! Now take your stupid, foolish, and incompetent body from my face. I don’t know why I waste huge sums of money on you without getting any value or positive result at the end. If you don’t man up early, I will sack you and buy a foreign dog to replace you. Now get out of here before I break your head with this wine glass!.
(throws the wine glass at Ginola but he sees it and dodges the glass which hits the walkway and breaks. Everyone in the conference room’s attention drifts to the place the noise came from).
Julia:
(walks to the boss) Sir is anything the matter? Are we in any form of danger? Should we move out from here? Please tell me something.
Boss:
(gives a deceptive smile) Young lady, you worry for nothing. Everything is under control and there is no cause for alarm or panic. I think your mission here has been accomplished, so you can take your leave now and go and rest or continue with what you were doing before the meeting was called. I will send for you if I need you, and next time, don’t ever mix business with pleasure. I hate been kept waiting for people who work under me. Do I make myself clear?
Julia:
It’s loud and crystal clear Sir. If my lateness caused any inconvenience to you and your associates, then I humbly apologise for that and I promise that won’t happen ever again.
Boss:
Apology accepted my dear. This is my call card, call me if you need anything and if I also need you, I will send my boys to get you for me. Enjoy your evening and stay in the country. Goodnight young lady.
Julia:
Thank you, Sir for the opportunity you gave to me. It was a great privilege to stand in front of you to do a presentation about our new stuff in town. I won’t hesitate to call on you if I need anything. Have a great evening as well Sir. (walks out of the Conference Room)
Boss:
Okay lady and gentlemen, the meeting is over. Everyone has gotten his or her consignment and everyone’s territory to operate from has been allocated. Please let’s do business in a matured and professional way. If someone calls on you to do a transaction with you which does not fall in your domain or jurisdiction, please don’t do it. You can pass the deal to the territory owner for the person to do business with him or her. At the end of the day, you take your commission on the business you recommended. By so doing, it will strengthen us more and make us a very powerful cartel. Always remember “together we stand, divided we fall”. Let’s flush from our hearts and mind any bad sentiments we feel for each other and move on. If there is any help or assistance anyone needs, please don’t hesitate to call on me. Let us go and make ourselves rich. Good luck to all of us.
In the elevator:
Julia:
(happily singing to herself as she jams to the tune that is been played on her iPod and she ignores the noise her singing is creating for the people she met in the elevator) I have a feeling that tonight is going to be a good night, tonight is going to be a good good night.
Elderly Woman:
Young woman, the fact that you are having a feeling that tonight is going to be a good night for you doesn’t mean you have the right to disturb others. As you can see; this place has a very serene atmosphere, and noise making is prohibited over here, so kindly abide by that simple rule.
Julia:
Excuse me old woman, are you the one to tell me what to do and what not to do?
Elderly Woman:
Hey young lady, are you raising your voice at me for correcting you? I am old enough to be your……
Julia:
(cuts in) Hold it there, old woman. I know where you are driving at, and I know you were about to say you are old enough to be my mother.
Elderly Woman:
That is where you are wrong. As you see me now, I am here in this hotel to spend my 60th birthday, and if you want to get to my age, you must learn to be respectful and obedient, so don’t talk to elderly people like that.
Julia:
Thank you for that brilliant lecture, but you know what? My grandma celebrated her 105th birthday last two month before she died three weeks ago and she even looked younger than you. Do you know what kept her strong, young and active all that time?
Elderly Woman:
No I don’t know, so please tell me.
Julia:
Her secret was very simple. She was minding her own business and not poking her noise into people’s business. (elevator door opens and Julia walks out without looking back)
Elderly Woman:
(speaks to herself) What an insolent young lady!. Because you young people don’t respect your elders, you die very young at your prime ages. Hope my sons will not bring ladies like this to my house, as they have promised to bring home the ladies they want to marry. For you this young girl, I pray that God forgives you for disrespecting any elderly person like me in this elevator right in front of my granddaughter……..
THE COFFIN MAKER
THE AUTHOR
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