ALEXANDER AKOTO ADJEI

THE COFFIN MAKER

EPISODE 101

Maabena Boaduwaa:

I will see to it that your end comes soon. I will feast very soon with the benefits I derive from your misery. I will show you that I am the daughter of a leopard who doesn’t lose its spot even if I fall in a river. Wait and see the surprise package I have for you.

Back at Julia’s Cousin’s Place:

Maame Dufie:

Mike hope you didn’t see anything scary in there?

Michael Ansah:

I only saw a big catapult and red panty on your bed.

Maame Dufie:

Herh, you blast like that? So now my bra has turned into a catapult huh? Next time, you will go and ease yourself in the gutter outside the house…fucking man.

Michael Ansah:

I laugh enter somewhere.

Maame Dufie:

And where is that somewhere?

Michael Ansah:

Inside your bra my dear.

Maame Dufie:

Herh come out before I suffocate you with my big and heavy boobs. You call my bra catapult and yet you want to take refuge inside there. If you want to enter anywhere you can pay a visit to Julia’s body, because she needs it more than anyone at this very moment.

Michael Ansah:

Talking about her, where is she at the moment? I was thinking you were with her over here.

Maame Dufie:

Oh yes, she was with me but she has gone to greet the workers who were working with her mum while she was alive. You know the sky isn’t looking friendly and I learnt they came from a very far place. Hey, when do you intend to eat your food? It’s getting cold you know and I won’t bother to microwave it again for you should you ask me for any assistance after you called my designer bra a big catapult.

Unknown Person:

Madam please we are done packing the drinks and water into the store room. You can please go and check it and see if you are okay with where we packed it.

Maame Dufie:

No need to bother yourself. I know you are professionals and will do a great job. Please take this small token as an appreciation for the good work you guys did. (hands over three GHC20.00 note to the guy and his two other colleagues)

Unknown Person:

We are very grateful madam for this, please we are taking our leave now.

Maame Dufie:

Okay drive safely and thanks for coming.

Mike immediately feels the strangling on his neck again and he rushes into the hall of the house and shortly after his entry, the Boss and his entourage enters the compound of the house.

Maame Dufie:

Hello you are welcome to the residency of the Dotse and Amissahs.

The Boss:

(smiling) Thank you so much, my dear. Mmmmm we are looking for a pretty lady by name Julia. Hope we are not at the wrong place?

Julia:

(talks from behind) Not at all, you are warmly welcome to my humble abode, please let’s go in right away.

Maame Dufie:

Please sir we have opened the condolence book, so please before you enter the room, kindly do well to pen something down.

The Boss:

Karl, kindly do us the honours by writing something on our behalf. You know you are very conversant with the Queen’s language.

Karl Simpson:

When it came to writing I am the elite here, huh? Are you not the one who has been bragging of holding two different Master’s degree?

The Boss:

My friend, don’t let us disgrace ourselves over here. You, I will bribe you when we leave here. (everyone starts laughing)

Julia:

Please let’s go inside sir. Dufie, where is Mike? He is the only guy available and as customs demand, he should be the person to welcome our guest.

Maame Dufie:

I think he is in the kitchen, and he must be doing justice to his food by now.

Julia:

No problem, please let’s go in.

Back at Opana’s Hall:

Opana:

(talking to himself) With this bottle, I am going to be extra rich very soon. My revenue is going to project very high. I will have to order for more woods from my suppliers so that I can start working on new coffins. Hey, stop giving me that stern look as if I am the only bad person on this planet. Are we not in the same country when doctors who are supposed to save lives go on strike when they are never supposed to do such thing? Are we not in the country where accountants add zeros to figures and enrich themselves? Are we not in a country where politicians steal the tax payers monies, send their children to international standard schools, visit hospitals abroad for treatment and change their previous numbers when they were canvassing for votes? Are we not in this country where you have to bribe the police before they expedite things for you when you lodge a complaint at the Police Station and also take money from people when they are bailing someone from their custody even though it’s meant to be free? I have only learnt to count my teeth with my tongue and seen the way leading to the door of riches. It’s good I had a third thought on the discussion I had with those dimwits. Just pour something into the stream and you want to charge me a hilarious amount as if I have hired you to assassinate the President? I will use that amount I wanted to pay them to do something beneficial, and by so doing, I will be a step ahead of all the people who will come and either buy or order my coffins. Opana the rough man ‘never they carry last for this world inside’.

Back at Julia’s Cousin’s Place:

Julia:

(exchanges greetings in the form of handshake with her guests) Dufie we are fortunate to have in our midst my boss in Ghana, his son and his best friend who do business together. Mr Simpson is his name and he happens to be the elder brother of my boss in the States.

Maame Dufie:

Wooow, we are so lucky to have you in our house this afternoon, knowing how very busy your schedules are.

The Boss:

Don’t mention my dear, it’s equally a pleasure to be here this afternoon.

Julia:

Please kindly invite Mike to join us in officially welcoming our guests and finding out their reason for being here this afternoon.

Maame Dufie:

I will be right back (leaves to the kitchen)

The Boss:

I ordered some people to bring drinks and water to your place, did they bring it?

Julia:

Yes, they did. I think they left here a short while ago and honestly, I really appreciate the kind gesture towards me and my family.

Maame Dufie:

(walks in again) He is eating and he has promised to join us soon.

Karl Simpson:

My dear, so what exactly happened to your mother before her death? Was she seriously sick or it was just a sudden death?

Julia:

(wipes her tears) She was very sick for months, and staying alive for me to come and even see her before her death was a miracle to the medical team.

Karl Simpson:

May God grant her a very peaceful place to rest till we all meet in paradise someday.

Maame Dufie:

(walks in with a serving tray which had bottled water and drinks) Amen!!! Please take this and feel at home gentlemen. The only man in the house will join us soon so we officially welcome you and find out your purpose of coming to our house this afternoon.

Meanwhile the strangling of Mike’s neck had become so severe that he had to walk out of the house through the backdoor in the kitchen. When he stepped out of the house and got to the compound, he saw Ginola and some of the other bodyguards standing at vantage areas of the house. Because he didn’t want to create any scene or raise an alarm based on the last encounter he had with Ginola at the hotel, he took some quite steps back from the direction he came from but before he went out of the scene, he saw a face he recognised in the footage he took with the phone inside the busy. With this, his fear rose to another level and immediately he got to the back of the house, he had no option than to jump over the wall to the house behind Maame Dufie’s house. Unfortunately for him, he was met by some unfriendly host in the house he jumped into.

Back at the Hall of Maame Dufie:

The Boss:

Since your brother is not forthcoming and we are no strangers to each other I would say we go straight to the point or reason why we find ourselves in your house this afternoon.

Maame Dufie:

(stands up to get Mike from the kitchen) I believe he might be done by now so let me get him so he sits in this gathering.

Karl Simpson:

My dear don’t bother yourself, our coming here is nothing official. Don’t disturb him from enjoying his food, he might have suffered to get an appetite this afternoon. Since he is aware we are here, he will join us when he is done.

Maame Dufie:

If you say so I have heard you.

Julia:

Then Maame please be the spokesperson for the meeting.

Maame Dufie:

Gentlemen, please you heard what my sister said. You are warmly welcome to our home. We are grieving for losing our beloved aunt and mom this afternoon before you came in, so please what brings you here?

The Boss:

You are a good spokesperson my dear. As you rightly said, I heard of the demise of your aunt and mom a short while ago. I informed my brother and son here and we decided to come and greet this family for your loss. The Holy Book says we should mourn with those who mourn, and rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Julia is like a daughter to me, so if she has lost her mom, why should I distance myself from her now that she needs people and loved ones to console her?

Maame Dufie:

Oh wonderful. My dear, you heard what your boss said. He and his entourage came to mourn with us this afternoon as he heard the bad news. Thank you very much for the display of love towards us. (goes round to exchange handshakes with the visitors)

Karl Simpson:

So Julia, how far have you gone with your preparations and how best can we step in to assist you?

Julia:

Thank you so much for the wonderful love shown to me. We have everything under control as at now, but if anything pops up, I will not hesitate to let you know.

The Boss:

That is alright my dear, you were saying something on the phone that the funeral is this Friday, right?

Julia:

Yes it’s this Friday at the Transition Funeral Home inside Haatso. Filing past starts from 4:00 am that day and the funeral service starts at 9:00 am.

The Boss:

How about the place of burial?

Julia:

Mmmm there is this new cemetery around East Legon area, and we are planning to go there tomorrow to finalise arrangements with them.

The Boss:

Don’t worry about that my dear. I have the contact of the Manager over there. I will call him when I get home so that he gets us a place in the VIP part of the cemetery. Leave that part for me to handle. I will call you when everything has been finalised by tomorrow, and I will send one of the boys to bring you the burial permit and some important documents that will make you bury your mother in a grand style. We should be on our way now so that you can find time to do other important things, and don’t hesitate to call me when you need anything extra.

Julia:

Okay Sir, I am very grateful for everything you have done for me.

The Boss:

Oh it’s our pleasure my dear; I will send you a cheque by tomorrow, so that you can to use it in clearing some of the bills that you may incur.

Maame Dufie:

May God richly bless you Sir. You have taken us by surprise and shown us that indeed you are a father and a big boss. Anything you have spent on us and yet to do, I pray that God will replenish it in a hundred folds.

The Boss:

Amen my dear, we shall be on our way now.

Karl Simpson:

Julia be strong, for God knows best as to why He chose to call your mother at this time. He gives and He takes when He deems it necessary. I will see you later when things have settled down, and please young woman, take good care of your sister for us.

Maame Dufie:

I will certainly do that Sir; her happiness remains my greatest priority.

Julia:

My dear, please help see our visitors off and thanks so much Sir. (Maame Dufie escorts the visitors out of the house to the cars they brought)

Albert:

Excuse me can I have your number, please? I would love to hear from you again because of your nice hospitality.

Maame Dufie:

Give me yours rather. I will call you later when I am less busy.

Albert:

(hands over a call card to Maame Dufie) Do well to call me because I will be waiting for your call. If your call doesn’t come early you will see my face at your door early in the morning.

Maame Dufie:

You are very funny…

The Boss:

(cuts in) Enough of the pleasantries you two. Karl please join us in my car as we have something important to discuss. Junior, you move to the front seat while, Ginola joins any of the other cars. We are going straight home for supper. I ordered the cook to prepare something delicious for us.

Maame Dufie:

Okay, thank you for the visit and the gifts. I know my aunt will be smiling at your generosity by now. (safe journey back to your various homes, walks away when the cars move)

Meanwhile, Mike was stuck in the corner of the house he jumped into because the dogs were barking furiously at him, and if he made a single move, they would pounce on him. He stood silently at a spot and started praying for a miracle to happen.

In the Car:

Karl Simpson:

Junior, so why were you looking at the lady you took her number from seductively like that?

The Boss:

Oh, so I was not the only one who noticed that awkward behaviour inside there? I was wondering what he was even thinking.

Albert:

Dad I think I am in love again. The beauty of the lady, her big boobs and how she talked alone got me mesmerized and I wanted to pounce on her. I wanted her to be in my arms……….

The Boss:

(cuts in) Will you shut that dustbin you call your mouth? We went there for a mission and you decided to mix business with pleasure? Are you alright up there?

Albert:

But dad, you always say I am growing and I need to settle down with a woman so that I can give you grandchildren before you join your ancestors. Now, tell me what I did wrong?

The Boss:

You did everything wrong! So of all the beautiful girls you see daily, it’s only this lady who caught your fantasy huh? Karl, are you sure this fool is really my son or the midwife at the hospital exchanged my child with someone the night my late wife gave birth?

Karl Simpson:

Of course, junior is your biological son. Can’t you see the resemblance you both have on your face, nose, ears and your bright eyes? He is no doubt your blood and heir to all your properties.

The Boss:

Don’t forget when someone stays with you for long they develop some resemblance. You know if you were a bit dark, people will see you like my biological brother. This boy over here always gives me reason to doubt if truly he is my real son and if he can handle my companies in my absence. I don’t want to lose any of my businesses through his negligence or foolishness. He knew we went there for serious business and yet he was mixing pleasure with serious business.

Albert:

Dad, how you scream and bark at me sometimes, I simply don’t like it. In as much as I have fallen for that lady, I was equally drawing a plan on how to nab or pin Julia down. You and I know that we don’t want anyone to suspect us for having a hand in her death. Now, getting to the house per my calculations it’s only the two ladies and that guy we never saw that live in the house. If I manage to take this one out of the house through a date, won’t we get access to Julia? She is bereaved and wouldn’t like to be going out for some time. The guy I also believe wouldn’t be staying in the house that much because of the ladies he finds himself with.

Karl Simpson:

I think junior has made a clever statement that if we think it through and master his plans well, we would do a clean mission without any suspicion. I am with junior this time around.

The Boss:

So you mean you have bought into the idea of my son?

Karl Simpson:

I thought a while ago you were doubting the credibility of junior being your son. Now that he has brought up a brilliant idea, he has immediately turned into you son again. You never cease to amaze me Alberto. I don’t think we can do our mission this Friday, but I think the best time to strike is Saturday after the funeral.

The Boss:

Well, we will think about that when we get home.

At the House Behind Julia’s Cousin’s House:

Michael Ansah:

(praying to God) Father God you didn’t bring me this far for me to be devoured by some hungry dogs. God, I know you have bigger and better plans for me so please don’t let me be the supper for these dogs this late afternoon. I trust in your miracles and I know you will not allow these dogs to feast on my body in Jesus name I pray. (a gunshot is fired into the air and the dogs barking becomes quiet while they shake their tails)

House Owner:

You thief, you think I would be out of this house for you to come and rob me again huh? You thought you will have your way today too? As the saying goes “every day for the thief man, one day for the owner”. I can kill you now, but first I will have to listen to your story as to who sent you here. Before you speak, I will entreat you to select your words carefully because they might be your last words. Any stupid mistake you make or any slip of tongue will inform my decision as to whether to pull the trigger or whether I should hand you over to the police. I don’t have to remind you that you entered my house not through my gates but over my wall!

Michael Ansah:

(plays smart) Sir please I am not a thief. I jumped into your compound because I came to get my expensive ring which had fallen down from your wall to your backyard. I swear I placed my ring on the wall when I was washing my hands. After I was done and wanted to take it, my hand pushed it and it fell in your house. Sir, I am not a thief or bad person, and you can check from the next house to see whether they know me or not.

House Owner’s Daughter:

Daddy I have called the Police Station and the Station Master said he has despatched a Patrol Team to come over right now. They should be here any moment from now.

House Owner:

Very good Serwah. Now when the police gets here, you can tell them your fabricated story and see how they will give you some romantic slaps.

(Mike touches his pockets to see if his phone is in his pocket so he can call Maame Dufie to come over)

House Owner:

My friend, raise your hands up before I pull the trigger and end your stealing career for you!

Maame Dufie’s Hall:

Julia:

Ah so what at all is Mike eating that he is still in the kitchen?

Maame Dufie:

Let me check inside and see why he has been there for that long (walks to the kitchen)

Julia:

(sees the call card in Dufie’s hand) And whose call card do you have in your hand?

Maame Dufie:

(checks the kitchen) Your boss’s son gave it to me. He initially wanted my number but I told him to give me his rather so I can call him. Ah, Mike is not in the kitchen ooo. The backdoor is opened so I guess he will be somewhere on the compound.

Julia:

Hmmm that rude and insolent guy wants your number you said? I guess you know his reason for asking you of your number or giving his call card to you.

Maame Dufie:

Am I a child? He thinks he is my type of man huh? Well I know how to treat people of his type so don’t worry at all.

Julia:

You be there…by the time you will realise, he would be done crucifying you on his bed. So Mike too if we had waited for him to come and sit in our discussion, would we still be waiting for him? He will come and meet me here when he returns. Where from that loud siren blaring in the air? Are they not aware this is an estate?

Maame Dufie:

The man who stays behind our house is a former Commissioner of Police who is retired now, so I guess it’s some of his men who may be checking up on him.

Julia:

It still doesn’t make sense. If they are checking up on their former boss, does it warrant them to make noise and disturb the peace of the people living around here? You can’t do this in the States you know.

Maame Dufie:

Well don’t forget you are in Africa and Ghana to be precise, where the police claim they are the law so we dare not question their authority.

Julia:

This nonsense must stop! I will see that man and register my displeasure to him so he tells his men to turn their loud sirens off when they enter this estate. He can’t use his funk to spoil somebody’s reggae. It seems another car is even coming to pass, so I think this is the time for me to speak with the man.

Maame Dufie:

This is strange…never has two police cars passed here to visit the man with their sirens on. I think something must be wrong, and I will go out there and check what the problem is. (walks out check what the problem is)

 

In the Next House:

Inspector:

(salutes before talking) Good evening Sir. We are here in respect to the tip off we got from the Police Station, and we were told a thief had found his way into you compound?

House Owner:

That is true Inspector. I have handcuffed him behind the house. You can go for him and send him to the Station; I will come and write my statement tomorrow morning.

Inspector:

Okay Sir. Corporal, you and the two Constables should go and get the thief at the back. If he tries to struggle with you guys, you know what to do to him.

At Opana’s Hall:

Opana:

(talking to himself) Ah this dress is perfect for my mission on Friday dawn; all black dress, canvas and a black mask to match. The wood suppliers have also assured me of making delivery this Friday, and life is going to be good very soon. I can sit and cross my legs as I count my money and profit. Kofi Ansah, popularly known as Opana the rough man…too much wisdom will kill me in my old days.  The unknown ninja is in town and soon everyone in this village who has refused to connect a pipe into his house will get a piece of my national gift. The Bible says the hands that doesn’t work shouldn’t eat, so I am making myself useful to the society because, if Mohammed feels so big to go to the mountain, the mountain has decided to pay Mohammed a visit in his house. You people have decided not to die, so I will give you a free visa and ticket to the land of the dead.

At the Hotel in the States:

Akua Yankey:

Bernice I hope you have gotten everything of yours packed in your bag especially your medicine?

Bernice Ansah:

That was the first thing I placed in my bag before the rest of my things were packed in.

Akua Yankey:

That is very good. Now we are waiting for the airline to get us seats when the doctor calls them. The last dollar notes I have left will be used for shopping tonight because Ghanaians always want gifts when they get to know that you travelled outside, and by now, I know we are the talk of the town. I will display my American walking styles for them to know that Opana’s wife is back from the land of milk and honey.

Bernice Ansah:

You always have a funny way of making me smile Mommy. I hope we will get the ticket early so that we travel back to Ghana. I feel pains in the stitches when the weather becomes cold.

Akua Yankey:

Sorry about that my expensive jewel. I will boil hot water for you right now so you use it to press the wounds. All this will be over soon, so please endure it for now. (doorbell rings and Bernice goes to check who is behind the door)

Delivery Man:

(smiles) Hello, please are you Madam Akua Yankey?

Bernice Ansah:

It’s mentioned as Akua Yankey and not the funny way you pronounced it. Well, she is my mother so what can I do for you?

Delivery Man:

I am a courier serviceman who does deliveries for companies. An airline company sent me to deliver this envelope to Madam Yankey, so please call her for me and please tell her to get her identification card when coming so that she signs my delivery book for me before I hand over her parcel to her.

Bernice Ansah:

Okay excuse me…lemme get her for you. (shuts the door and goes inside to relate the information to her mom)

Akua Yankey:

(pops up with her purse and pulls out her national identification card) Youngman this is my identification card so where do I sign?

Delivery Man:

Please sign close to where your name has been written. When you are done, I will give you your delivery receipt and your package.

Akua Yankey:

(does all she is told and her parcel and receipt were handed over to her. She then tells the guy to wait as she searches through her purse) Mmmmm young man, because of your humbleness and humility, take this small token. I wanted to give you dollars but I am out of dollar notes so take this. It is GHC10.00 made up of two GHC5.00 notes, this currency is one of the powerful notes in Africa and when you change it, you will get a lot of dollars depending on your currency exchange rates. Have a nice day.

Delivery Man:

(looks at the money for some time before putting it in his pocket) Thank you very much Madam for this gesture. I really appreciate it. (walks away)

Bernice Ansah:

Haaaaba but Mommy, you know that money is not used here in the States so why did you give it to the young man?

Akua Yankey:

Hold it there young woman, you are not proud of your own erh? Don’t they give us dollars to go and change when they are giving us money in Ghana? What is my crime giving him Ghana money to also go and change? He was lucky I didn’t even ask him to give me a change in dollars when I gave him the Cedi notes. Where were you when they brought sugar cane and mirror to take away many of our gallant men and beautiful grandparents?

Bernice Ansah:

Please the history lecture is enough Madam Opana, so what do we have in the envelope?

Akua Yankey:

I think it’s our plane tickets so let me rush and go out for our last shopping before we leave this beautiful country. The date on it is Friday and the time for take-off is in the evening which means we will get to Accra in the morning. I will call your elder brother to meet us at the airport. As for your father I would love for us to surprise him, so I will tell your brother not to inform him when I call him. Hurry up with your wound treatment so we step out for our shopping.

Back in Ghana; Maame Dufie’s Neighbour’s Compound:

Michael Ansah:

Officers please take it easy. I am not a criminal or a thief. You can ask from the house behind this house if I am not from there. I only jumped to this compound to get my ring that had fallen inside the house.

Corporal:

Youngman, it will be better to shut your mouth because anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. Where on your finger is any ring you claim it fell in this compound? You will have the right to an Attorney if only you can even pay for his or her service when we get to the station. You think it’s everywhere you can find success in your illicit acts? You are lucky the Commissioner didn’t blow your stupid head off! Now Constables, get him out of my sight

House Owner:

Inspector if not for the vigilance of my dogs, this criminal would have entered into my house through the backdoor because it was widely opened. My eldest son had sent me pounds sterling to complete his building for him and I had left the money on the dining table to go and have a little nap, In fact if he succeeded  in entering the house, like the first place he could come across is the dining hall area, and he would have absconded with the money and my three other phones which were on the same table. Hmmmm drill and deal with him when you get to the Station, so he tells you who sent him or who he is working with. We have to sanitize the system where all criminals will be flushed out from the system. I have trust in the new Regional Commander because I know he is an action man. I will be at the Station tomorrow morning.

Inspector:

Okay Sir, permission to carry on Sir!

House Owner:

Permission granted my gallant Inspector; your exuberance has reminded me of my hay days. My regards to your Station Commander.

Mike is pushed into the police car and they took off. As they passed by the gate of Maame Dufie’s house, Dufie saw Mike in handcuffs inside the police car and Mike also screams for Dufie to see he was him being taken away………

 

THE COFFIN MAKER

THE AUHOR