Password
AARON ANSAH-AGYEMAN
PASSWORD
[avatar]
The Author
Kofi walks on rubbery legs to the car and leans against it wearily, his head thrown back to stem the tears in his eyes.
He feels faint, and it feels as if sound is coming to him from a very far off.
He feels a great sense of helplessness, and it begins to dawn on him that increasingly he will have to be with Sajili forever if he wants to slush some tonga.
Otherwise he will forever spend his life as a completely impotent man. More than ever it is sinking in that he cannot marry Akweley.
It takes him a moment for him to realize that Ato is speaking to him.
He forces himself to concentrate.
He looks unseeingly at his friend.
ATO
What are we going to do now, bro? Situation looks real bad!
KOFI
(voice trembling)
I don’t know, Ato, I don’t know! I’ll be married soon, and if I don’t get this sorted out I’ll lose Akweley! I’m going mad, man! I’m going outta my mind!
Ato leans against the car too and purses his lips, and then he nods as if something is working in his mind.
ATO
Let’s kidnap Sajili and beat the fuck outta her to reverse the curse!
KOFI
(shocked)
What?
ATO
(looking demented)
Yes, yes, yes! Let’s put a gang together and kidnap Sajili! That girl does not respect herself, and we’ll not respect her! We can kidnap her, take her somewhere, and beat her mercilessly until she unties your prick.
KOFI
(shocked)
That’s barbaric, bro!
ATO
(angrily)
Barbaric? Barbaric you say? You want to follow her to India so that they change your name to Dharam Veer Kuntu and put a turban on your head? Do you know that in their wedding ceremony she will hold the tail of your robe and you two will go around a fire, round round round? What will you do in India anyway? Play flutes for cobras? Sing songs like the way Amar, Akbar, Anthony, Jimmy and Shakar do in their movies? You’ll be singing songs like Jaaaaguuuu, mena mena chaka bufa no papaaa! Damn it, boy! We need to get you well before that girl sends you to India! We need to kidnap Sajili and beat this boshit out of her!
Kofi is looking at his friend in helpless horror when he notices a policeman approaching them.
It is the corporal behind the counter, the one with the horrible tribal marks on his face who had not laughed when all the others were laughing.
They look at him warily, and he stops and regards them coldly.
KOFI
What do you want now, please?
CORPORAL TINGA
I’m Corporal Seidu Tinga.
ATO
(angrily)
You’re Seidu Atinga and so what?
CORPORAL TINGA
(calmly)
I said Tinga, Tiiiiinga, not Atinga. Listen, I believe you guys. But I couldn’t say it in there. We can’t arrest the lady. It’ll be like using petrol to fight fire. You need a fetish priest to remove the evil curse of the Indian, to enter the astral fields and meet her spirit in supernatural acrobatics and defeat her. You need a powerful Mallam. I know a powerful man of the spirits who can help you and get rid of this Indian in a second.
Ato and Kofi look at each other, their hopes up.
Kofi can barely believe his ears. He wipes his face with a trembling hand and almost hugs the policeman.
KOFI
Oh, really, Mr. Atinga? Sorry, Sorry, Mr. Tiiiinga! Mr. Tinga! You’ll help me? This man can help me?
CORPORAL TINGA
Ahhhh. Koko koraa! He’ll bloskoto this Indian girl juju like the way the most cataclysmic flatulence disappears in clean air!
KOFI
(excitedly)
Oh, thank you, thank Mr. Atin ei, no, Tiiiinga! Thank you Mr. Tinga! You don’t know just how relieved I am! Please, please, when can you take us to see this mallam?
CORPORAL TINGA
Don’t worry, my friend. I can take you tomorrow if you can make the time!
KOFI
Oh, I’ve taken a week off my schedule to help me resolve this issue. My friend here is also on a week’s leave. We can go with you tomorrow.
CORPORAL TINGA
Atigya! Okay, let’s find somewhere to sit and plan.
ATO
(suspiciously)
And where is this mystic man of yours, Corporal Tiiiinnnnnga? Don’t tell me he’s in Burkina Faso, or Jerusalem! And how much will it cost us?
KOFI
(angrily)
Ato! Come on! Don’t come and mess things up!!
CORPORAL TINGA
That’s okay, really. He asked intelligent questions. Actually the mallam is in the Eastern Region. And he will not charge you a pesewa until the treatment is done, and then you’ll be asked to pay a token, something small!
KOFI
Yooo! Yooo!! Agreed, Corporal Tinga!
CORPORAL TINGA
(coldly)
You can call me Seidu.
As agreed, Ato Sey sleeps over at Kofi’s place for the night, and they set off at dawn around three o’clock in the morning to go and see the mallam.
Ato is driving, and they pick up Corporal Seidu Tinga at the Atomic junction.
He sits in the back and sighs.
CORPORAL TINGA
If day breaks and you see some Hausa Koko, let me buy some, okay? Man is hungry.
ATO
Yes, sir. Definitely.
They listen to gospel music and preaching from an FM station.
They stop to buy the porridge for the policeman two hours later when they get to Koforidua.
The policeman directs them through the suburbs, and soon they leave the town behind and travel along a gutted, untarred road.
Eventually the Ato stops the car and looks around with trepidation.
They’re deep inside some woods, and the track has ended, no longer passable.
KOFI
It seems we have come to the end of the road, sir.
CORPORAL TINGA
(yawning, exasperated)
Ooooooooooh! I told you to call me Seidu. What sir sir is that? Yes, get out and lock the car. We walk from here.
They all get out of the car and Ato locks it.
The corporal then walks to the side of the road and a moment later takes a narrow path on the side of the road.
Ato and Kofi follow him quickly.
The path is wet and slippery, filled with tree roots that can snare a man’s leg and break it. They walk in silence for a long time.
The path seems to be meandering downward, and they had to be careful not to fall and plummet down the precarious descent.
Kofi and Ato are panting and gasping for breath by the time they come to a level ground.
The trees are thicker here, and so is the shrubbery.
There is a wooden sign board nailed to the bark of a tree with an arrow pointing to the left and the inscription:
TO MALLAM BUSANGA’S SHRINE
There is a long wooden shed in a cleared area, and Corporal Atinga heads for the shed and enters, beckoning to them to follow.
Ato and Kofi enter the shed and then they come to a complete halt with surprise.
The floor of the shed is covered with footwear.
Shoes, slippers, high heels and all sorts of footwear.
Folded on some crude benches and tables are clothes, also ranging from formal suits, skirts and blouses to jeans, shorts and simple shirts and dresses.
There are purses, handbags and wallets lying on top of most of the bundles of clothing.
Ato looks incredulous and strangely scared as he raises questioning eyes.
ATO
And what does this mean, Seidu?
CORPORAL TINGA
We’re now entering the shrine. You can’t enter the shrine with your clothing. You have to leave them here. We will walk naked to the shrine.
ATO
(aghast)
What? No, no, no, no! No, can’t do. We can’t do that!
CORPORAL TINGA
Then you have to return to Accra. You can’t enter the shrine with clothes.
ATO
But what kind of boshit is that one too? I have to take off my clothes and with my penis hanging in front of me like a dead snake, walk into some mallam’s shrine? What at all is this?
Season 1 Episode 18: Mallam Busanga
Kofi puts a hand on the shoulder of his friend.
KOFI
(sadly)
Come on, man. If that’s what we gotta do to get me well, please, I beg of you, let’s do it.
Just then there is a rustle, and two people come into the shed from an entrance further down, both female.
One is extremely fat, and the other is buxom and absolutely curvaceous, and they are both naked.
The Corporal turns his head immediately and faces the wooden wall.
Ato and Kofi gawk at the naked women.
CORPORAL TINGA
(desperately)
Hey, hey! Don’t look at them otherwise in the next three minutes you’ll develop four permanent boils on your buttocks!
Ato and Kofi turn their faces away immediately with little intakes of breath, and wait until the women have finished dressing and gone out.
Corporal Tinga then begins to undress, causing Kofi and Ato to look at each other with mounting unease.
Slowly they also begin to take off their own clothes.
ATO
In fact, this is boshit paaa! I don’t like this at all! If I had known we are going to walk around naked in this forest I would’ve waited in the car!
Corporal Tinga is first to finish undressing, and at the sight of his incredibly massive and vein-filled penis Kofi and Ato look at each other with stunned eyes.
KOFI
(shocked)
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeerh!!
ATO
(shocked)
Ewurade Nyankopon! Is that a leg or a bula? Kwasea! Kweeeeeeeerh! Do you have a wife, Tinga?
The policeman looks at them and frowns.
CORPORAL TINGA
And what kind of stupid question is that one too?
ATO
(dazed)
Aboooowa! Do you want to kill somebody’s daughter? What is that monster for? Are you crazy? Do you call that thing a penis?
CORPORAL TINGA
(irritated)
No, I call it a helicopter, fool! What’s the matter with you? It has been marked! I don’t put all of it into my wife!
ATO
Abakade! Heeeeerh! Who marked it?
CORPORAL TINGA
A doctor. I have a ring I put on it so that it doesn’t go in past that ring, so my wife is safe!
KOFI
(giggling)
Safe, my ass! If your father-in-law sees that thing I swear he’ll let his daughter divorce you! Ring or no ring, no woman is safe with that thing! Oh, no, no, no, no! Heeeeeeeeerh!! Kote paa nie?
ATO
I swear! Haba! This banbala kote dier, it wasn’t created by God, no way! That thing between your legs was created by Nebuchadnezzar or Jehoshaphat or Abimelech, I swear!
Kofi and Ato burst into laughter as they finish undressing.
Corporal Tinga looks at them and shakes his head with restrained anger.
CORPORAL TINGA
You have to put your wallets down. You can’t bring the wallets. You have to walk to the shrine naked. If money is needed a servant will come with you to take it.
ATO
(exasperated)
I can’t leave my wallet here! Do you want it to be stolen?
Corporal Tinga indicates the other purses and wallets lying on the other clothes.
CORPORAL TINGA
No one will dare steal your wallet! Whoever tries will become a cripple and fall down instantly. There is power here, I won’t lie to you!
Reluctantly Kofi and Ato place their wallets on their folded attire and follow the policeman out.
They are now walking into thicker bush, the path so narrow that they have to walk in a single file.
ATO
(giggling)
Kofi Kuntu, I see grey hairs on your buttocks!
KOFI
Oh comot for there!
ATO
(giggling)
Ei, chale, because of small tonga, look at how grown men like us are walking naked in the forests of Koforidua with our penises swinging in front of us like the Catholic bells. God, have mercy on our souls o!
KOFI
(laughing)
Stop fooling, Ato! Gyae nkwaseasem no, wate?
After about thirty minutes of walking they finally come to a branch in the path.
CORPORAL TINGA
From here, the women take the left turn, and the men take the right turn!
Just then an elderly woman emerges from the left, stark naked.
Her grey hair is cropped short, and her breasts are so long and sallow that they almost touch her thighs.
Her groin is a thick growth of grey, and the moment she sees the mammoth organ hanging in front of Corporal Tinga she gasps, looks startled, does a double shake and crosses herself quickly.
WOMAN
(scared)
Eiiii, Awurade Nyame, kote ben nie? Blood of Jesus!
Ato and Kofi break into gales of laughter instantly as they follow the policeman down the path branching to the right!
ATO
(laughing)
Seidu, did you hear the woman? She’s scared of your tsunami bofti penis o!
CORPORAL TINGA
Will you stop that nonsense, aaaba?
ATO
(laughing)
Massa, find some carpenter to use a saw blade and cut off some of that penis! It’s a real horror!
KOFI
This one hacksaw blade can’t cut it o, massa! He needs kpokplomaja, knicker knicker machine…tututututututuuu!
As the two friends break into uncontrollable laughter, the Corporal looks at them angrily.
CORPORAL TINGA
Nkwaseafo! At least it doesn’t have a password on it!
Kofi stops laughing immediately and glares at the policeman.
KOFI
Aboa bi ba!
Ato screams with laughter at that.
ATO
Heeeeeerh, e pain you roff!!
A few minutes later they come to the shrine.
It is a huge space filled with a lot of clay huts.
There are also some cement structures.
In the middle of the yard is a huge hole in which a gigantic snake is coiled, the sight of which make Ato and Kofi quiver with fear.
There are a lot of naked men here.
Some are lying on the bare floor.
Others are lying or sitting on the verandas.
Some are tied to posts.
Two of them are pulling a huge rock with a rope tied around it.
Others are in an open enclosure, smeared with blood and performing some sort of spiritual worship.
There is a huge shed to one side of the worship temple. It is painted white, and under it are mats.
At the head of it is an old man.
He has a long, wrinkled face, and he has a turban on his head, and dressed in a long, white filmy material.
He looks at them with rheumy eyes as they are ushered in by an attendant.
There is a huge black pot on his right side that appears to be boiling because heat steam is emitting from it, but there is no fire under it.
They are made to sit facing the man.
The attendant speaks in one of the Northern dialects, and Corporal Tinga replies.
The man in white has been staring fixedly at Kofi Kuntu.
After a lot of conversation between the attendant and Tinga, the policeman turns to Kofi as the man in white begins to speak in a soft, bass voice.
CORPORAL TINGA
Mallam Busanga welcomes you.
Kofi and Ato respond fearfully.
The attendant is now speaking to the Mallam.
After some time, the attendant turns and faces them.
He speaks in a halting voice, his English heavily flawed by his accent.
ATTENDANT
Tor, tor, tor! Mallam Busanga, he shays your problemsh ish shmall problemshs, tor, tor, tor!
Corporal Tinga speaks to the attendant rapidly, and the medicine man nods.
The attendant then speaks in his local dialect to Tinga, who turns and faces Kofi.
CORPORAL TINGA
Well, I offered to do the translation, and Mallam Busanga accepted. The crux of the matter is that there is a simple solution, and a hard solution for your problem, Kofi. The simple solution is that Mallam can do everything today, and by this night you will be free, and then next week you will come and make payment to the gods.
Tears come to Kofi’s eyes immediately, because it seems a very heavy load has been lifted off his shoulders.
KOFI
Oh! Oh, yes! Thank you, thank you-
CORPORAL TINGA
(sharply)
I haven’t finished! The simple solution is that you will go to the hen coop and bring one hen. Mallam will put some corn seeds on the floor. If the hen swallows just one seed, it means Mallam will take the simple solution. However, if the hen does not swallow any of the corn seeds, then it will mean the gods have rejected the simple solution, and you will need to go on with a harder solution!
KOFI
(weeping)
Any solution is a solution! I’m prepared to do anything!
Mallam Busanga nods and points to the hen coop.
The attendant walks out and beckons to Kofi and Ato.
They follow him to a huge hen coop, and he opens the top hatch.
There are five white hens in cubicles, clucking nervously.
Season 1 Episode 19: Kicking The Hen’s Head
ATTENDANT
(smiling broadly)
Chuuush wine!
ATO
What?
KOFI
I think he says we should choose one.
ATTENDANT
(smiling)
Yesh, yesh, chuush wine!
Kofi and Ato exchange looks.
KOFI
Which one?
ATO
I don’t know, bro. Just take one. As for one corn seed I’m sure any of the buggers can swallow that, at least.
KOFI
Hmmm. Okay, I’ll take the one in the middle.
Kofi takes the middle hen and they return to Mallam Busanga.
The attendant gestures to Kofi to put the hen in front of the fetish priest.
Kofi puts the hen down.
It makes no attempt to flee.
The Mallam opens his palm.
There are five corn seeds in his palm. He drops them on the floor, just in front of the hen.
The hen clucks excitedly and picks up one corn seed in its beak. It turns it over and over and over.
Kofi and Ato are looking on with open mouths, praying that the hen will swallow the seed, but it suddenly drops the seed.
It picks up another, rolls it, and drops it again disdainfully.
And then it gets to its feet and begins to strut lazily away!
ATO
Shit. Damn shit! Akoko Sajili!
KOFI
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Kofi gets to his feet blindly and stumbles after the hen.
CORPORAL TINGA
(panicking)
Hey! What’re you doing, Kofi?
KOFI
(angrily)
Bad hen! Go and eat! Go and eat!
The hen begins to run, and Kofi swings his leg desperately to stop the hen.
His foot connects with the hen’s head.
HEN
(swooning)
Cukooo! Ku, ku! Cooo!
And then the hen falls down dead.
Kofi stares at the hen with an open mouth, too frightened to move.
The frightened attendant rushes forward and picks up the hen.
He turns it over and over, then looks at Kofi with shock.
ATTENDANT
Yew fuuuuul! Yew keeeled the cukoo! Why deed yew keeek the cukoo in the head, huh? Why deed yew keeek the cukoo la? Yew keeked the head of the cukoo! Yew fuuuul!!
He carries the dead hen over to Mallam Busanga, who looks at it sadly and shakes his head.
Kofi is still standing, still dazed with absolute shock, feeling even more naked, somehow aware that he has made one huge and terrible mistake.
Even Corporal Tinga looks terrified.
Mallam Busanga is speaking rapidly now.
When he stops Corporal Tinga shakes his head with horror.
ATO
(hoarsely)
What happens now? Kofi messed up, right?
CORPORAL TINGA
(bitterly)
Messed up? He fucked up! It seems this Indian girl is very powerful! Now there is only the hard way for Kofi if he wants a solution.
ATO
And what’s the hard way?
CORPORAL TINGA
Well, Mallam will prepare some concoction with the blood of the hen. Kofi will drink a little of that medicine, and smear some on his penis and testicles. And then, three days from today, he must find a mad woman and push his penis into her vagina, and he will be healed!
ATO
(shocked)
What? Oh, please, no, no, no! Hey, wait a minute! A mad woman? Did you say a mad woman? Oh, come on, Mallam Busanga, please! Even you, as a mallam, can you find a mad woman and push your penis in her? Let’s be realistic here a bit, please! That sort of thing happens in Ghanaian and Nigerian films! Never thought it happens in real life. Please come again, please!
CORPORAL TINGA
(sadly)
I’m afraid that’s it, guys. Mallam says that’s the only way now. It must happen on the third day from today, otherwise he will be in deep, deep, deep trouble!
KOFI
(horrified)
Oh, I beg you, Mallam Busanga! Please do something for me, I beg you! I just tried to make the hen peck just one corn, just one! I didn’t mean to kick its head! Please, Mallam Busanga, can’t we take another hen? I’m prepared to pay any price for it, please, please! Have mercy! I can’t make love to a mad woman, please!
ATTENDANT
(hotly)
Yew deeedn’t jes keeek the head of the cukoo o! Yew booooted the head of the cukoo! Yew booooted it! Why did yew boooooot the cukoo?
ATO
(angrily)
Oh, will you shut up over there? What’s your own, la? Whether he kicked or booted the head, he has booted it! Now it’s dead! Let’s move forward and stop all that jazz la!
ATTENDANT
Wetin be yew own too? Yor fren keeeled the cukoo! He booooted the head of the cukoo! Why? Why? Why did he booooot the cukoo head?
Mallam Busanga holds up a hand, and everybody falls quiet.
He speaks slowly to Corporal Tinga, who then translates for the benefit of the two friends.
CORPORAL TINGA
It’s quite alright, guys. Mallam says the spirit of the woman is very strong! She is also well-versed in the arts of the supernatural, and that’s why the hen died. Now, the only thing to do is make sure you insert your penis into the vagina of a mad woman within three days, Kofi. Mallam says he sees a Dark Cloud following the Indian woman, and if you don’t do it within three days, the solution will become even more difficult!
ATO
(angrily)
Massa, don’t bore me! What’s more difficult than putting your bula into a mad woman’s toto?
Kofi Kuntu, still standing, drops his head and begins tremble in a rather pitiful manner, his expression completely crestfallen.
Ato stands up, approaches Kofi, and hugs him warmly.
ATO
Don’t worry, Bro! Don’t fret yourself, man! Whatever happens, we’re gonna get this sorted out. This is not the time to lose hope. Every minute we now waste here is crucial. Let’s go and think about how we’re going to find a mad woman for you to dip!
KOFI
(horrified)
Oh, bodamfo twe! Mebedi bodamfo twe? Oh, dear Lord, I’m dead! I’m so dead!
Season 1 Episode 20: Arrangement For A Mad Woman
They return to Accra in the afternoon.
Corporal Tinga tells them he will be going to Takoradi for a seminar and so cannot be with them, but he tells Kofi to gather courage and do the needful.
They give him Five Hundred Ghana Cedis for his troubles, and he beams with pleasure.
Kofi’s phone rings as they drive through the Haatso roads.
It is Akweley.
Kofi forces a vibrant note into his voice.
KOFI
Hello, my sexy delicious super love! How have you been?
AKWELEY
(crossly)
I’m very angry with you, K.K. I didn’t hear from you the whole of yesterday evening, and today too you haven’t bothered to call me! Don’t forget we have an appointment with my pastor on Wednesday! I heard you took some days off and you didn’t inform me! You’re not hiding somewhere with another girl, are you?
KOFI
Noooo, my love! How can I do that? I don’t need any girl except you, darling. I was just about to call you. I took some days off to see… to see a doctor, love. Nowadays I’ve been having dizzy spells and severe headaches. Didn’t want to worry you.
AKWELEY
(tenderly)
Awwww! My love! And you didn’t inform me? I would’ve come to pamper you, you know! Very sorry about that! But you know I miss you all the time! Where are you now? Have you seen the doctor yet? Can I come over?
KOFI
No, no, love! It’s quite alright. I’m going to have some lab tests now and show the results to the doctor.
AKWELEY
Ohhh. I hope it’s nothing serious.
KOFI
Oh, no, love. He was mentioning lack of rest and stuff like that. Let me finish and call you back, okay?
AKWELEY
Alright, my love. But pass through this evening, okay? I miss you too much. Maybe we can have a slow one when you come, to drive the blues away!
KOFI
(lustfully)
Oh, yeah! I miss your sweet, sweet, place! Will definitely pass through and pass through you! Love you so much!
AKWELEY
(laughing tenderly)
I hear you, Mr. Passing Through! Love you too much, K. K! Byeeeeee!
Kofi cuts the call and looks sad immediately.
KOFI
(tremulously)
That’s Akweley! She wants to make love this evening… oh, Lord!
ATO
(irritably)
Will you cut out that sadness crap? It’s time to ball up and get this done, and the tears won’t help, man! Cut out that crap! Listen, we’ll find something to tell her in the evening. You come to my place, okay? We need to plan this, and find a way out quick.
KOFI
(sniffing)
What am I going to do? Oh, what am I going to do? I can’t dip a mad woman! You know I can’t, bro! I can’t, I can’t I just can’t! Bodamfo twe de, empare me koraa!
ATO
Hey, hey, hey, my paddy! You can! It’s not as if you’ve been told to hammer the thing. You just drink the medicine, spread some on your bula, and dip it once into the mad woman’s toto. That’s all, man! Don’t go saying all those bullshit things! If you don’t do it, you’ll lose your fiancee, you’ll lose your job, and Sajili will take you to India to sing jaguu jagaa, malaguuuu oh oh jabaaaaa!
KOFI
(smiling)
Aboa like that!
ATO
(giggling)
Your mother! Next time play with women’s feelings!
Ato takes Kofi to his apartment at Westlands.
They buy some kenkey and fish on the way.
Kofi is feeling a little better, and they begin to eat.
He pours some water to drink, and then suddenly tears film up in his eyes again.
KOFI
(sadly)
And where am I going to find a mad woman? And how am I going to put my thing inside her? What if people see me? Ahhhh, the disgrace, the shame alone!
ATO
(exasperated)
You koraaa why la? Aaaaba! Eat komi ke kena and stop thinking about mad women! Tomorrow we’ll plan!
KOFI
But I only have up to the day after tomorrow to do it!
ATO
Don’t worry, brother! Eat and rest! We’ll definitely find a way! There are a lot of mad women in Accra. Don’t worry koraa!
After eating, Ato tries to take Kofi’s mind off the problem by playing FIFA 2017 on the X-Box One console with him.
A call soon comes on Kofi’s phone.
He looks at the screen, and then the sides of his mouth drop and he begins to look fearfully sad and broken.
Ato drops his controller and looks at his friend with pity.
ATO
(softly)
Is it Akweley again?
Kofi shakes his head, tears swimming in his eyes, and holds up the phone.
KOFI
No! Not Akweley. Sajili… oh, what does she want again?
Ato stands up, takes Kofi’s phone, opens the back, and removes the battery.
Next he goes to his bedroom and crushes two tablets of a sleeping pill.
He puts the powdery drug into a glass and pours some scotch on it.
He returns to the living-room and puts iced cubes into it, and then he gives it to Kofi after shaking it well.
ATO
Here, man, drink up!
KOFI
(sniffing)
What is it?
ATO
Just drink the fucking thing, man!
Kofi nods, and drinks it.
A few minutes later he stretches out on the carpeted floor, and a couple of minutes later he starts to snore.
Ato sighs deeply and picks up his phone.
He walks into the bedroom and makes a call to his friend, NII LIN.
NII LIN
Eeeei, saman! Father ghost! Eiiii! That’s why the weather make so black! Eiiiii! You dey call me today after what, like two years?
ATO
(giggling)
My paddy, cha how be? I call you teeeey! Ei, if you make rich man yob me o!
NII LIN
(laughing)
See am! Your eye die now you wan flow nigga fans. So chale how far? I hear from you keep roff!
ATO
Cha, I chork well, by grace. E be my best nigga who get some massive problem, bro. Some Indian chick put some juju for e prick top wey ridee the prick no dey jack! E dey come marry too, so the situation make roff like maame wata e cunt inside!
NII LIN
Oh, cha! That be sad, man! Too sad! But you for try carry am to some mallam make e comot the curse give am.
ATO
Oh, we go, bro! Some policeman bi carry we go some bush inside go see some fetish priest! Heeerh, paddy! That place you for comot all your clothes and put your prick for naked before you walk inside!
NII LIN
(cackling with laughter)
Heeeerh! No be easy! Eiii, all that wahala because of small tushy o!
ATO
(laughing)
I tell you! Anyway, the aft be sey my paddy for put e prick inside mad woman e toto inside like one minute bi, abi you see that kan tin? The trouble be sey if we go outside go look for some mad woman, the police go fit barb my paddy, then e go turn another problem altogether. But then I come remember sey you dey job for the ADADA ASYLUM, then I start dey think sey if you go fit make some arrangement give my paddy so sey we go find some coins give you, then you go give am one of the mad women then the asylum so that my paddy go fit dip e prick inside am.
NII LIN
You dey talk pleeenty, massa! You no get problem. When e wan do am?
ATO
E for do am the day after moro!
NII LIN
No P. You bring am like around midnight moro, right, then I go fix am. I go arrange everything plus the security men so just bell me when you reach the gate.
ATO
Oh, cha! God bless you waa! You save man e neck! We go crosh then. We go do you fine, make you no fear!
NII LIN
I dey for you, massa! I go wedge you guys!
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