by Eunice Ansah-Agyeman

Parents around the globe are faced with worries as they think about how their children will fare in life. Often, parents worry if they will get the parenting thing right and if their kids will be assets to society.

These worries lead to parents trying their best to ensure their children are safe at every given time. Though this is normal, there is the tendency to overdo things, and this is something that could work against the norm.

A helicopter parent, also a cosseting parent or a cosseter, is a parent who pays EXCEEDINGLY close attention to their child’s experiences, activities and problems, especially at educational institutions. 

Helicopter parents are so named because they hover over their child’s life just as helicopters do.

The world we live in has become increasingly competitive, making parenting a very daunting task. The days when a distinction or a decent examination score guaranteed entry to the best universities are gone. 

Sadly, college graduates who stood out in school may struggle to get good jobs and may need to save for several years to afford decent accommodation and fend for themselves. 

Thus, it is not a wonder that so many parents find themselves nit-picking their children. They will do anything to give their kids an advantage.

I have come across parents who would do their children’s homework for them, copy notes and do other unthinkable things to ensure they have an advantage.

But the sad truth is that helicopter parenting does kids no favours at all. 

Watching a child fail or wondering if they will succeed can be very challenging for a parent, but it is a necessary ingredient for successful adulthood. 

A new study suggests that helicopter parenting can trigger anxiety in some kids, adding to the pile of data suggesting that helicopter parenting can work against a child’s emotional and cognitive development.

I am not saying parents should sit on the fence and watch unconcerned. It is when a parent’s fears and worries lead them to be controlling every little thing a child does that is the problem.

You Might Be a Helicopter Parent (HP) if…

•  You only let your child play on playgrounds with shredded rubber protection.
• The first thing you do when your child comes home crying from school because her best friend called her names is called the friend’s mom to sort things out yourself.
• You found yourself up at night rewriting your child’s essay or homework.
• Your 8-year-old still has the training wheels on his bike even though you do not allow him to ride it often. You think the sidewalks are dangerous, and they go too fast for you to keep up!
• You have a bad back from stooping down and following your toddler’s every step.
• You get heart palpitations at letting your child go on a field trip with their class.
• It has never crossed your mind to have them help out by preparing meals or cleaning the house because you think knives are sharp and the cleaning detergents are too dangerous.
• You do whatever it takes to watch the daily happenings of your children while you are at work.
• You answer questions posed to your child without giving them a chance to answer them.
• You call the head of the department of your child’s university to negotiate for an exception if your child does not get accepted to his preferred major.

Helicopter Parenting and Anxiety

A study looked at how helicopter parenting affects children with anxiety. In the study, a group of children and their parents were encouraged to complete puzzles in 10 minutes. The puzzle tasks were designed to showcase the challenging and frustrating nature of homework and other academic tasks. Parents were permitted to help their children but were not encouraged to do so.

The parents of children with social anxiety touched the puzzles significantly more often than other parents. Though they were not critical or negative, they attempted to help even when their children did not seek help. 

This suggests that parents of socially anxious children may see challenges as more threatening than the child sees them. This can erode a child’s ability to succeed and potentially increase anxiety over time.

Other Research on Helicopter Parenting

Some other research also points to the ability of helicopter parenting to induce anxiety. College-aged students whose parents are overly involved in their academic lives or whose parents created rigidly structured childhood environments are more likely to experience anxiety and depression when they come against roadblocks in school.

Raising Independent Children

It is not easy to send your child out into a hostile world, knowing there is a chance they may fail, face ridicule, and actually struggle. 

But you have to understand that, after a certain age, children must struggle to grow and learn. 

Shielding your child from challenges now only delays the process because they will face more challenges down the road. 

What should you do to be a parent and NOT a Helicopter Parent?

• Listen to your child. Do not impose your goals and wishes on them. Listening to your child encourages independent thought and critical thinking. It also helps you avoid imposing YOUR values on your child.
• Allow your child to manage their relationships and communications on their own. Only help when help is needed and asked for.
• Do not help your child evade consequences for his/her actions unless you believe those consequences are unfair or life-altering. It is okay to get your child a lawyer if he or she is in legal trouble. It is also okay to intervene with a bully of a teacher. But never try to get your kid out of detention or berate another parent who talks to your child about problematic behaviour.
• Do not raise your child to expect different treatment or better than others receive. Every child deserves an equal chance at an academic or extra-curricular activity. Do not raise your child to expect to get something they do not deserve or have not earned.
• Encourage your child to solve problems by asking them to offer potential solutions.
• Do not do your child’s work or keep track of deadlines for them. Even school-aged children can learn to remember test dates and classroom projects. By the time they are in secondary school, your child should be managing their schoolwork largely by themselves, with minimal supervision.
• Support your child’s teacher and encourage your child to respect the teacher’s opinions.
• Do not allow a child to stay home sick for not completing an assignment or school project.

Be a loving parent to raise independent kids, kids who would be able to carry on when you are not there with them. 

Raise kids with loads of confidence by ditching the HPA (Helicopter Parenting Attitude).

God Help Us All.

Thank you for reading.

Share to stop HP and free a child from possible anxiety and depression.

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