This is how to turn your relationship into marriage…
EUNICE ANSAH-AGYEMAN
HOW TO TURN YOUR RELATIONSHIP INTO MARRIAGE
PART 6
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The Author
Hello, Family!
Welcome back to our discourse on How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage.
If you missed any of the sessions, don’t worry!
You can quickly catch up by clicking on the links below:
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 1
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 2
And also:
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 3
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 4
And yesterday:
How To Turn Your Relationship Into Marriage Part 5
Alright, if you are ready, let us roll now!
JACKIE CHAN
I once heard a song by the hip-life Artist, Guru, and he was talking about a relationship in which the woman’s nickname was Jackie Chan!
Quite a hilarious song, yes.
He was using that satirical way to send across a sad but strong point in our relationships: physical abuse!
I know men who dish punches to their wives repeatedly!
I once knew a woman who always beat her husband, who happened to be a drunk.
Wow.
This is a no-go, not-negotiable area!
Never raise your hand to your partner, whether in anger or incensed wrath!
An abusive partner might never change, no, and might be a sort of danger and put you in a life-threatening situation in the future!
I once heard the silliest of remarks from a man I once thought was a friend.
He said:
“As a man, you need to slap your wife around once in a while to show you’re the man!”
That is absolute crap!
There is no reason whatsoever for a man to raise his hand and beat his woman, or for a woman to physically slap and assault her husband!
It is mean, it is disrespectful, and it is crass!
If you’re in such a relationship, move out before it is too late!
So yes, that is it: if you want your relationship to turn to marriage, NEVER assault your partner physically, no matter the provocation!
Always try to take a time out to calm down if you are the fiery-temper type. Some men do it because they witnessed their fathers doing it when they were growing up.
A woman who is beaten consistently tends to develop timid tendencies, and will never be happy in a relationship.
Sometimes, if she meets a caring man, she might either become unfaithful or leave your sorry a*s for that new love!
A physically abusive relationship will be hard to turn into marriage…
So, whatever you do, stop it this instant if you exhibit such a horrible attitude.
If need be, seek counselling!
TOGETHER APART
Alright, we have come to another real dicey issue right here!
Like we’ve been discussing, you’re two different people trying to make a permanent life together.
This life hopefully began with the relationship, and will hopefully lead to marriage, and then grow for many years until that unsavoury ‘death does us part’ bit.
So, basically you have a set of two principles coming together [your principles and your partner’s principles], and that makes things a little complicated.
However, it bears to keep in mind that as much as you two love each other, and SHOULD spend a lot of quality time together, and love each other’s company, you should also respect each other’s space!
Know what your partner loves and hates, or likes and dislikes, as he should also be aware of yours…and then you learn to respect each other’s private space.
So, by all means, do things together, spend time together, be happy together, but give your partner space and time if and when he/she needs it.
For instance, don’t expect her to stick with you as you watch your Real Madrid team with your friends.
She might be bored to hell but might feel obliged to sit through that ninety minutes of boredom just to ‘show love and care’.
No, it doesn’t work that way.
In the same way, don’t expect your man to sit with you during some cooking series on television or a telenovela series that bores him to death.
Yes, it is good to spend some good quality time together as often as possible and to revel in the bonds of love between you, but when your partner wants a little space or quiet time, don’t nag and cramp!
Don’t smother!
You’re together, yes, but sometimes, for some specific short time, you respect each other’s wish to do something different in a private or separate space.
And that’s the way the cookie should crumble.
TRUST-PALS
Something hilarious:
A friend of mine was asking how to hack into phones because she wanted to hack into her husband’s phone!
Wow!
Now, hold on a minute, hold on a minute!
Don’t blame her too much, no!
The way I see it, she was wrong in trying to delve into the privacy of her husband. Her husband is equally wrong in making his wife desperate enough to want to hack into his phone!
So, we talked about the need to give and respect your partner’s privacy, yep, good thing!
But privacy shouldn’t be riddled with intrigue and suspense that drives your partner up the wall!
You need to trust each other intrinsically.
A relationship without trust will find it hard to hit the altar of marriage, trust me…and a pun right there, lol!
So the two of you need to build trust, yep!
Don’t put your partner in a situation where he/she is always second-guessing what you’re doing with somebody of the opposite sex, especially.
A certain number calls you repeatedly?
You don’t pick that call from that number when your partner is around?
Or you sneak out like some ninja to go and pick that call?
Or, when you pick it you begin to speak in monosyllabic lingo: ‘no, yes, mm-hm, okay, really, haha, sure’
Cut it!
Stop it!
Build trust!
Do you want to know the quickest way to build trust?
Simple!
Whenever you find yourself deleting messages you don’t want your partner to see…you’re killing trust right there!
So, avoid situations that will make you a deleting expert advisor!
Anything you do with a member of the opposite sex and you don’t want your partner to find out is something that is definitely making you untrustworthy!
So cut it!
By all means have a password, in case your phone, laptop or other device is stolen, but you should let your trust grow to such a level that you both know each other’s password…yep!
Sure, maybe there are one or two things you do with the boys-boys, maybe in a WhatsApp group, that will bring a sheepish grin to your face when your partner chances upon it…but yes, ‘sheepish’ is better than ‘guilty’!
I have seen a lot of relationships where partners have told each other that phones are out of bounds.
Perhaps, the saddest statement you will ever hear is your partner telling you that he/she has been hurt so many times by stuff he/she found on your phone that he/she has made a personal decision never to touch your phone again…
And that is the exact moment trust fled through the window!
Remember, trust lost is hard, almost impossible to regain!
So, in whatever you do, live by one simple rule:
Don’t get involved in ANYTHING with a person of the OPPOSITE SEX that you don’t want your partner to find out about!
Now, if you can abide by this rule, then trust me, there’ll be no need to keep your phone so password-locked that it seemed you’re keeping the files of the CIA on your device!
So sure, trust issues don’t stem from your relationships with members of the opposite sex alone.
In your dealings with finances, decisions, investments, EVERYTHING, always strive to make sure that you’re telling the truth and dealing fairly with your partner.
Imagine him asking for fifty cedis, and you saying you have only two cedis on you. Your phone rings, he’s getting it out of your bag for you, your purse falls and out spills about ten fifty cedi notes.
Now the look on your face is not sheepish but guilty, and you’re now fumbling to explain how your sister gave you her school fees for safe-keeping and bladash, bladash, bladash…
Why didn’t you tell him that the only money in your purse was your sister’s school fees?
Boom, trust is gone!
If your partner finds you in so many untrustworthy situations, they begin to wonder if you can be trusted, and whether it will be advisable to marry you, and if love is really enough!
Don’t compromise on trust!
Don’t mess around with trust!
Prove yourself trustworthy!
The truth always has the funniest way of coming up, so always strive to look sheepish than guilty!
In all your dealings with your partner, whether related to dealings with people of the opposite sex, finance, decisions, plans etc, just strive to be as clear, plain and truthful as you can be!
So that even when you’re apart, and you’re spending the night out with your boss on a special assignment, your partner can sleep soundly because he knows that you’re not capable of funny games!
Remember, your actions and speeches help grow your partner’s trust in you!
Don’t find yourself in situations where it is always like:
“I know I’m telling you the truth but if you don’t trust me, that’s okay, but it hurts. It hurts really bad!”
Nope!
By your actions, deeds, and transparency in all things, your partner will trust you, and you might never have to explain issues!
So that is it.
Never ever compromise on trust.
After love and commitment, trust is the most important ingredient in a relationship, so don’t mess around with it.
Build it, earn it, and enjoy its lasting positive effects right into your marriage.
Alright, that is the end of Part 6.
The series ends tomorrow and we will expose you a stupefying secret that will rocket that relationship of yours to certain marriage, so don’t miss the last day discourse.
Goodbye till we meet tomorrow!
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