ALEXANDER AKOTO ADJEI

THE COFFIN MAKER

EPISODE 36-38

 

Episode 36

Opana enters his bedroom whistling to a melodious tune and he picks his shorts from the laundry basket and puts his hand in the left pocket where he knew he placed the lotto coupon but the coupon is not there so he moves to the right pocket and that place is also empty. Immediately he stops whistling and rapidly looks at the back pockets, as he sees that, that place is also empty he starts sweating on his forehead and walks back to the living room with his shorts in his hand.

Akua Yankey

My children, I can’t wait for me to also own a shop at the market square, now I can also talk and rub shoulders with the other women when we meet at the women’s fellowship meeting. They won’t be able to look down upon me again and when I talk, it must also be taken seriously and a series of deliberations will be made on it.

I am happy this family for once is living in peace and harmony. This lotto thing is also a blessing in disguise, sometimes it is your patience that will determine the end of your struggle.

Bernice Ansah

I can’t wait to further my education in the Whiteman’s land, my ascent is going to change and I will slang when talking with people. I just can’t wait oooo

Michael Ansah

Then, you have to be serious with your books, my baby sister, the ball has been played into your court so make use of the opportunity blown to you.

Bernice Ansah

Am not a baby anymore, am…

Opana

(walks in with a serious face and his shorts in his hands) Who amongst you took the lotto coupon in my pocket? The person should own out now and give me back the lotto coupon because some jokes are very expensive.

Akua Yankey

What do you mean, my dear? No one has had the chance to see the acclaimed lotto coupon and I don’t even know where you kept the coupon in the bedroom.

Opana

I kept the coupon in the pocket of the shorts I was wearing until I went to bath and changed myself.

Michael Ansah

But I and Bernice were not here when you went to bath so we should be out of this interrogation.

Bernice Ansah

Oh yes, you are right big bro, we are totally out of this.

Akua Yankey

If you two say you were out of this house then it means am the only person you are pointing fingers at huh? Indirectly you children want to put me in the spotlight that am the one who took the lotto coupon from your father’s pocket.

Meanwhile, Eno Bruwaa is back from where she went to and as she got back she complained of hunger to her daughter.

 

Eno Bruwaa

Hmmmm, this man has ruined our lives and day, my daughter. I’m really hungry and starving like I haven’t eaten anything for the past week.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Why won’t you be hungry when all you do with the money I give you is spend on staking lotto. You know how much I hate that game with a passion that words can’t describe, it was the same thing my ex-husband was engaging himself in and when I complained bitterly about it, you know what happened.

Eno Bruwaa

What are you talking about? For some time now I haven’t engaged myself in that game ever since you threatened to stop giving me money if you catch or see me with a lotto coupon or paper again. I swear with this breast that I breastfed you with that I am innocent of this serious allegation you are levelling against me.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

So, where from the coupon I threw away earlier on with today’s date on it? Where did I even throw that lotto coupon? You are still lying and denying, you took an amount of twenty-five cedis to stake it and you are here telling me you are hungry. The truth is that I don’t have any money or food for you tonight.

Eno Bruwaa

Ah, so you are still accusing me falsely for something that I know nothing about.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

So you are also saying am lying, erh? Oh yes, I have remembered where I threw the lotto coupon, we shall see who is lying and who is telling the truth. The little money I get, when I share it with you then you go about lavishing it on unnecessary things, I don’t even know if you have ever even won any of the numbers you stake. (she rushes to the dustbin where she dropped the lotto coupon but she saw some of the children in the house conveying the dustbin to the refuse dump and immediately she ordered them to stop. When she got closer to them she opened the dustbin but they had dumped more rubbish into the dustbin so she started searching through the dustbin and the children were surprised with her conduct. They started throwing questions at her.

Child 1

Aunty, why are you searching through the dustbin?

Child 2

Aunty, my mother said it is only the vulture, witch and mad person who goes through rubbish and refuse dump to get something to eat.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

(angry with the second child but keeps her composure so she doesn’t say something bad) Children am searching for a very important paper for something serious this evening.

Child 1

Oh, then let us help you to search for it, you can give us something small for a biscuit when we help you find it.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

So, what is wrong with you children of these days, can’t you do things for free?

Child 2

Aunty don’t be stingy, we are not asking for too much, just something small for the boys.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Enough of this nonsense you boys, did I tell any of you that I need your help? One more word from you boys and I will beat the hell out you boys, what is all this?

After several minutes of going through the dustbin the lotto coupon was seen and Eno Bruwaa’s daughter rushed back to the place she left her mum.

Back at Opana’s Living Room:

Akua Yankey

You said the lotto coupon was in the pocket of your shorts, you and I know very well that anytime you are wearing your shorts you go to the bathroom with it. Am I wrong or right?

Opana

Yes, you are right.

Akua Yankey

I was in the living room when you came out of the bathroom and I haven’t entered the bedroom so how do I become a suspect?

Opana

Hmmmm, you people can’t steal my wealth from me oooo, if I don’t see my lotto coupon heads will roll in this house. I will eliminate anyone who has a hand in this and I mean every single word that is coming out from my mouth. This hard-earned fortune cannot pass me by just like that, am going to bed and anyone who has that lotto coupon should just drop it quietly on the centre table before daybreak.

Also, Eno Bruwaa’s daughter rushed to her mum with the lotto coupon in her hand.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

You were denying the fact that you didn’t go and stake lotto so where from this coupon with today’s date on it?

Eno Bruwaa

I don’t know so stop asking me that unnecessary question and let me be in peace if you say you won’t give me money for food this evening. Am glad the children are not even here to experience this cruelty from that wicked man.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Since you claim you know nothing about this lotto coupon it will be prudent for me to tear it into pieces.

Eno Bruwaa

Hey hold on, before you tear it into pieces let me first see the numbers on the lotto paper.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

What difference does it make since you claim you don’t know anything about the lotto coupon.

Eno Bruwaa

Will you for once listen to me and stop this exchange of words? Ah what is wrong with you children of today, you like to exchange words with your elders at any opportunity you get. Please check the numbers for me now.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

(frowns but opens the paper to check the numbers on it) The numbers on it are single 1 – 90.

Eno Bruwaa

Did you say single 1 – 90?

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Yes, you heard me right with the numbers I mentioned.

Eno Bruwaa

(snatches the lotto coupon from her daughter’s hand) Give me that paper so I verify with my own eyes if truly the numbers you mentioned are indeed the real numbers.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Why are you so much interested in the numbers if you claim you haven’t stake any lotto recently?

Eno Bruwaa

I’m interested in the numbers because those numbers are the winning numbers for today and I don’t know how this lotto paper located its way here but all I know is we are rich and it is the doing of God. I knew my God will never forsake me and am overjoyed that I don’t know what to say or do, when we go for this money we will rent a new and better place, I will even start my cloth business again.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

So, how much money are we talking about here?

Eno Bruwaa

How much did the person stake it in the first place, let me check and then make my calculations. Am I seeing wrongly or what? Is this twenty-five cedis or two hundred and fifty cedis?

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

(takes the coupon from her mother) Eeeeiiiii it is two hundred and fifty cedis ooo, mama we are rich ooo. So tell me how much the winning fee is going to be, am very interested in the amount.

Eno Bruwaa

Mmmm, if you stake five cedis and you win with two numbers it is one thousand cedis so divide two hundred and fifty cedis by five then multiply your answer by one thousand cedis.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

If you divide two hundred and fifty cedis by five you will get fifty and when you multiply it by one thousand then it is going to be fifty thousand Ghana cedis, mama.

Eno Bruwaa

(in tears) Oh God do I have to shout or jump for you to see how grateful I am or do I have to lie down flat on the ground. Indeed you are the father to the fatherless and husband to the widows, ah when one door closes another door opens. My landlord thought he was throwing me out like an outcast but rather he took me from grass to grace, from shame to fame, from worry to glory, from nobody to somebody, from who are you to how are you. You are the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, the omnipotent and omnipresent God, I don’t know how to thank you enough.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

It is okay mama, let’s go and find something to eat and after we go to the guest house down the street and pass the night there. Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

The battle line has just been drawn, what is going to be Opana’s fate now?

Episode 37

Meanwhile, Opana goes to bed in anger and locks the door to prevent his wife from entering the bedroom. He falls asleep after tossing on the bed for some time. In his sleep, he dreams and sees the beggar who gave him the necklace and the beggar was mad at him.

Beggar

Hey so why are you like that, simple instructions too you couldn’t follow and you expect to get the consolation price huh?

Opana

But I followed your instructions so what are you saying right now.

Beggar

Oh shut up, you liar, are you trying to challenge me or what?

Opana

I’m not trying to challenge you but I know I followed the rules you gave me so what you are saying is strange to me.

Beggar

See you, you even have a short memory but I will refresh your memory for you. I told you that getting angry on the day you take steps to the rules I gave you will simply spoil everything good that will come out from the move you make. Why did you have to go and pull down the roof of your tenant without any prior notice?

Opana

Oh for that action I wasn’t angry ooo, I did that with a clear mind and I tried my best not to be angry even for a second.

Beggar

Okay so as she went to report you to the police and you were arrested, weren’t you angry with the police officer who came to arrest you?

Opana

I swear by my back that I haven’t seen before that I was again not angry but just wanted the police officer to know that I know my rights very well as a good citizen of this wonderful country.

Beggar

I see so when you met the lady who got you arrested at the entrance of your house when you were released what happened there?

Opana

Oh me, I didn’t say much and I controlled my temper even though she wanted to call for my anger but I told her that I and my family won’t fall for her cheap trap and that she should go and tell those who sent her to me that she has failed and failed woefully with distinction.

Beggar

Interesting, my friend so what happened when you got to your house and you realised that your winning lotto coupon was not in your pocket?

Opana

I nearly got angry with my wife but having what you told me in mind kept me from going angry.

Beggar

Mmmm and you made her sleep in your daughter’s room, erh? Well let me give you a breakdown of what happened to your lotto coupon, do you remember you climbed the roof of your tenant and when pulling the roofing sheet down you were sweating badly so you took you handkerchief out of your pocket to wipe your sweating face, that was when your lotto coupon fell from your pocket. You lost your lotto coupon and the chance to be a rich man and for been stubborn and going against my rules, things are going to be rough and tough for you in the days and years ahead. For the necklace tell your son to always put it on and listen to it when it gives him a signal by strangling him, anytime he feels that pain then he should know and act smart because it is either he is in danger or something bad is about to happen wherever he finds himself. If he listens and obeys his instincts through the necklace he will see the good side of life and will enjoy the better part of life, mind you that the road is not swift for the wise alone.

After this statement, the beggar vanished into thin air which got Opana screaming and waking up from his sleep. He was sweating badly as he woke up from his sleep but ignored the dream and went back to sleep again some minutes later.

Next Day:

Opana

It’s daybreak and the winning lotto coupon is still missing from the house. You people should pray that the lotto agent gives me my money in peace, if not then this house will be too small to contain us.

Akua Yankey

I don’t want to say anything for you to say am disrespectful, go and search for your lotto coupon and leave us alone. I have had enough of you.

Opana

Hmmmm, if you know how to pray, you and your children should pray hard and make sure you speak in tongues for God to have mercy on you people.

Akua Yankey

Unless you kill us because there is nothing I and my children can do to get you your lotto coupon. If you have thrown it away mistakenly too please go and look for it because you are the only person who knows where you went and where you placed the lotto coupon.

Opana leaves the house with anger to go and meet his insurance providers, on his way he walks past the lotto kiosk where he came to stake the lotto and boldly the winning numbers were written on a board which was in front of the kiosk. He got to his workplace and in no time his insurance people came and together he and his insurance service providers signed some documents after they took pictures of the place and got some information down. As the insurance people left he sat in a small corner to reflect on the dream he had in the early hours of the day. He was so confused and so lost in his thoughts that when his boys at his workplace called him, he didn’t hear until they touched him before he came back from wonderland to the land of the living. After spending some time at the shop and putting things in place, he left the shop to the house but had plans to pass by the lotto agent and redeem his lottery money and as he got there he met the agent waiting for him.

 

Lotto Agent

Ah good morning master, you are five minutes early because I was expecting you here by 12noon or even after that.

Opana

Good morning massa, I couldn’t wait any longer so I had to stop everything I was doing and come over for my money. I just can’t wait to have it and start allocating it to the plans I drew last night.

Lotto Agent

Oh that is good, they say preparations precedes performance so if you prepare well enough you always come out with the best results and decisions.

Opana

So, is the money ready?

Lotto Agent

Oh yes, you money is very ready as I told you, it was fifty thousand cedis that you won but the lotteries people took a little amount out as a form of tax and gave me a printed copy of the deduction they made so if there is any doubts or problems you can contact them for clarification so on this note I will hand you the envelope which contains your money but I must confess that you are the very first person who has won this huge sum of money from me ever since I started this business 30years ago. Now here you are but hope you came along with the lotto coupon?

Opana

(face changes from bright to dim) Oh, I forgot to come along with it but you already know I am the one who came to stake the lotto which I won so there is no cause for alarm.

Lotto Agent

I know and have everything that took place the previous day in mind like it was just a minute ago but in my job, there are strict rules and regulations which states that “ignorance is no excuse”, anyone who has to come for his winning money must come with the lotto coupon before I release the money out to the person. The little mistake I do can ruin my life for good so am only been professional with my job. It is money matter we are talking about here master Opana.

Opana

Ah, what are you trying to insinuate Mr lotto agent? If this is one of your jokes I will entreat you to stop because my time has no walking problem, it keeps walking forward without waiting for any man so let me have my money so I start working on the plans I have in mind.

Lotto Agent

Master, please what am saying is not a joke or any prank am playing on you. I have to return the lotto coupon to the lotteries to avoid any repercussions, I have encountered a serious problem before when I started this work with this same problem and later I had to face the problem myself. The luck I had was the money involved was not that big and I had also won lotto that day, please you go home and get the lotto coupon, I am here and am not closing anytime soon. Here in this envelope is the money you have won, please let us simply play by the rules of the game and everything will be fine. You are an honourable man so don’t let this simple matter start an unpleasant scene here.

Opana

Don’t try to patronise me, my friend, you are aware that I am the one who won the lotteries so why are you impeding me from taking my consolation price. When it comes to money matters am not gentle or friendly at all ooo, am warning you to quietly and peacefully give me my money so that no one hears from us.

Meanwhile, in the guest house that Eno Bruwaa and her daughter were, they have been signalled that their time is up and that if they stay for another minute they will be charged for another day so hurriedly they pack out of the room and make a move to the lotto agent to retrieve the price at stake……

 

 

What will happen when they get to the lotto agent?

Who is going to get the consolation price, is going to be Opana or Eno Bruwaa and her Daughter?

Episode 38

Eno Bruwaa and her daughter walk majestically to the lotto agent and when they saw Opana standing by the kiosk they sarcastically started making some irritating comments.

 

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Hmmmm, some people won the war but we won the battle, they thought when they eject us from our room we will sleep under the bridge but their plans have backfired back to them.

Eno Bruwaa

Oh say it again my daughter, we were thrown out unlawfully but the God we serve who is not like man redeemed himself for us, the stone that the builder rejected has now turned into the cornerstone.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

This is what I call from grass to grace, enemies can never be God oooo.

Eno Bruwaa

Papa lotto agent, good afternoon, I hope you are fine? Well, I and my daughter here are coming to redeem our money from this winning lotto paper. It is a very heavy amount paa oooo.

Lotto Agent

Mmm let me see the lotto coupon and the date on it Eno Bruwaa.

Eno Bruwaa

Oh you can have a look papa lotto agent, today is going to be today. When you give me the money I will paint this town blue and make sure I acquire my own land and build my own house but won’t bother my tenants.

Lotto Agent

Eno Bruwaa I didn’t see you here at my office yesterday and the amount in question looks like the one my friend here stake that we debating about.

OpanaWhat do you mean massa, the truth is that my coupon got missing yesterday. So let me see if it is mine or not.

Eno Bruwaa

Hehehe, papa lotto agent, I gave you my lotto paper so make sure you don’t give it out to anyone who might tear my paper into pieces out of jealousy.

Lotto Agent

But Eno Bruwaa, all my life in this lotto business you have never stake lotto which is more than five cedis before and for this lotto coupon the amount on it is two hundred and fifty cedis and the surprising thing is that this man here is the only person who stakes that amount the whole of yesterday, the biggest amount that another person stake yesterday was twenty cedis so please be a Christian and hand over the coupon to the rightful owner.

Opana

Massa, God bless you for your wise counsel and elevate you from a lotto kiosk to a lotto container.

Eno Bruwaa

May thunder from hellfire the mouth you used to speak to me papa lotto agent. Wipe your mouth on the ground for your mouth to be cleaned from that nonsense that came out from your mouth.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Heeeeeeh I don’t want to spark over here for some people to say am disrespectful ooo. Please sir, my mother gave something to you so kindly attend to her and give us our money so we leave here in peace. We are in rags so we have decided not to involve ourselves in games that will thorn our dress, please in the name of God kindly give us the winning price so we go our way quietly.

Lotto Agent

But madam what you are saying, you know from your heart that you are not been honest so why don’t you……

Eno Bruwaa

(cuts in rudely) How dare you call me a liar or a thief, I brought my lotto paper to redeem the winning money am supposed to take from this place and you sit in this dilapidated kiosk to tell me nonsense. Don’t make me go naked and curse you.

Lotto Agent

Please ooo, let me get you your money so you go with your wahala but mind you some taxes has been deducted from the money you are expecting to get.

Opana

What? Why are you going to give her the money that you are supposed to give to me? Do you expect me to understand this cheap prank you and this witch are planning to play on me?

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

I beg you pardon sir, I won’t stand here for you to call my mother names. Have you finished addressing the witches in your house before you will call my mum a witch? Please respect yourself before I say or do something here that you won’t like, Mr lotto agent, kindly release our money for us now so that we leave this place.

Lotto Agent

Okay give me a second for me to sort you out.

Opana

Sort them out for what reason? This is going to be over my dead body, who works in Ghana Commercial Bank and takes his or her salary from the Agricultural Development Bank. My friend if you don’t want any bloody issue here don’t make any stupid move.

Lotto Agent

So, what is all this wahala this hot afternoon? Please you people if you have any problem go and solve it at your end because I don’t want any problem here from you people, I came to work so please let me do my work in peace. My wife is heavily pregnant and I don’t want to get any problem which will affect her so please in the name of God go and solve your problem in peace.

Opana

(raising his voice for people around to hear what was going on)

Herh, people will die here if care is not taken ooo, massa am a very wicked and diabolic person so you better judge this issue fairly because if you try anything dubious with this gossip over here, I will send you to your early grave. If I go to the person who circumcises people and I decide not to cut my p***s again does he have to seize my pant? Hw3 if you try anything funny I will kill you people and nothing will happen after.

Eno Bruwaa

Opana or whatever you call yourself you are deceiving yourself, am not equally good like you but it was because of something that is why I have been living like a sheep in your house, I am a hungry wolf inside so please don’t try me, I will stand here and fight you till the last drop of blood.

Eno Bruwaa’s Daughter

Mama, relax for this battle is not for you to fight; am here, so relax. If you don’t know why am called Afia Siribuor go and ask and they will tell you about me in Kejetia market. Hw3 for money issue no one jokes with it ooo

Meanwhile back at Opana’s living room Akua Yankey had served her children with their lunch and as they were eating a call came through Kwaku Mike’s phone.

On Phone:

Caller

Mikey Darling the ladies man.

Michael Ansah

Hey stop that nonsense my guy, those days are gone and I don’t even have a single bird in my cage for now even.

Caller

Herh this one I won’t believe you for even a second, you the ladies man that nice girls use to fight over you on campus?

Michael Ansah

Well, time changes and things are not like they used to be, moreover am not in the city where the girls no what’s up. Charlie what they go on for the city inside.

Caller

Well, I called you on a serious note, do you remember a girl called Juliana Ohenewaa Dotse?

Michael Ansah

No, I don’t remember any such person like that.

Caller

Oh Mickey have you forgotten that smallest girl with nice curves who liked red lipsticks and was always having problems with lecturers and I once told you that she is crushing on you but you didn’t even give her face?

Michael Ansah

I’m trying to remember her now but what about her?

Caller

Herh, the girl make fine rough, you know when she stopped school in the second year she travelled to the States and just yesternight she sent me a friend request on Facebook and when I accepted her friend request she sent me a message that she wants your number.

Michael Ansah

My friend, stop this concert and be serious.

Caller

Ah, do you think I called you to play pranks on you or what? I gave her your number and she said she will get in touch with you soon and that she will be coming to Ghana in some few days time.

Michael Ansah

Guy, are for real? You know some jokes are expensive and I am not a fan of such things.

Caller

You better believe it and get yourself ready to move to Accra because from the little chat I had with her, she is a big girl with connections now and I believe she can help us with the business we want to do.

Michael Ansah

How is she going to help us in our business, my guy?

Caller

My friend, look sharp and count your teeth with your tongue, if she calls you before she flys back to Ghana, plead with her to buy us some cameras and machines we will use in setting up our small media business. Even if she won’t buy if for us for free we will work and pay her if she gives us a little time.

Michael Ansah

My guy you have spoken well ooo, you am waiting for her call and if she does I will enter into her defence and get her on our side. You know how I do my thing.

Caller

I trust you, my guy, for women issues you are five star General so I leave everything in your hand and please try and come to the city as soon as possible, you know where you will sleep won’t be a problem.

Michael Ansah

I hear you, my landlord to be, I will join you very soon in the city, the old girl wants me to do something for her so we will talk later when the chick calls me. Stay safe and be a good boy.

Caller

Hahahaha, see who is talking about good boy issue, Charlie safe am out. (call drops)

Akua Yankey

Instead of you to eat your food you have been on phone discussing God knows what, it seems someone is at the door so go and check it as your sister clears the table.

At the door:

Michael Ansah

Yeah, how can I help you, young lady?

Young Lady

(panting for breath) Mm…Mmmm…Mmmm your father is in a heated argument with an elderly woman and her daughter at the lotto kiosk close to his workplace and if you don’t rush there to calm him down the argument, it might graduate to a bloody brawl over there.

Michael Ansah

Jesuuuuuus Christ!!! Thanks very much for the information,  my mother and I will rush to that place now.

Young Lady

Don’t mention, I did this because I like you so much and I don’t want anything bad to happen to your family, I will see you later (walks away)

Michael Ansah

(screaming on top of his voice) Mummy your husband is in a fight out there and am told if you don’t rush to the place early, someone’s blood will pour.

Akua Yankey

Hey, where is he and what might be his reason for fighting someone in his old age now.

 

Who will win the battle at the end of the day, is it Opana or Eno Bruwaa and her Daughter?

Edited By
Comfort Antwiwaa Boateng

THE COFFIN MAKER

THE AUTHOR

Guest Writer: Alexander Akoto Adjei :: THE COFFIN MAKER :: EPISODE 34-35

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